I’m afraid I’ll never get the kind of girl I want

I have a feeling that "type of girl you want" is the beautiful girl who gives you external validation and gives you your worth. In general girls are repelled by this as soon as they sense it and oh boy they have a good detectors.

Maybe you didnt realize but when you have a girlfriend it is not just girlfriend it is sharing parts/activities of your life together: she will basically start to live your life (go out where you go out), meet your friends, do your hobbies, spent the time as you spend it. If that is boring/unattractive no shit she will go somewhere else because women has lot of opportunities. Lot of people think they will start to be active once they have gf but it doesnt work that way.

First start living exciting life for yourself, and when your life will be like adventure you will have women popping to your life just to be part of that ride.

 

I understand. It’s like a chicken and egg problem. You can’t find motivation until you get the girl you want and you can’t get the girl until you’re self-motivated.

In this situation you should try to develop your spiritual side, that’s my advice.

 

I get it, dude. I’ve been there. Sorry you’re in that place. We’re here for you!

 

Anything in life? Do you have a job, college? Have you ever been motivated?

 

I can relate a bit man. Being single and feeling you're not quite up to par with the girl you want is not great. But it shouldn't be this way for too long.

You mentioned the gym, can I assume you are in shape or heading that way? May I ask what else you have left to be "put together"?

These girls may look fine and seem unapproachable, but inside they're just as worried about whether people like them or not. And many don't have unrealistic box ticking expectations, but would jump for a guy who looks after himself, has a passion, and communicates his feelings well.

 

I can pretty much relate to your story so far (with a bit of tweaks but overall the same) and being 1 year older . If i can help you, i suggest to renew some contacts from the past and try to read about philosophies (stoicism is my favorite so far) it may help you to put in your head some key values that are there in our existence. Go to the event even alone, do things and dont be afraid do make mistakes actually make them a lot and learn from them. Take care and be positive

 

If it is of any comfort any beautiful girl can be a walking GRENADE. She can be crazy.

And she can blow up when she is 30 weighing 50+ kg more than when you met (not discriminating people can be fat if they want to etc etc).

So not all is as it seems..
maybe that shy girl with glasses in the corner that noone talks to is a golden ticket?
just treat her with your soul, with your heart, not ego.

peace

 

When you get in your 20s and beyond, it's not like it was in h.s./college. Girls become super picky, they want a provider.

But sometimes I don't know. Because of rebooting and fitness, I seemed to get a lot more interest from girls than before.

So my suggestion is to invest in the hard mode 90 day reboot. Get yourself clean, figure out your mission in life, work on your fitness game, quit social media (except this site). Watch your mindset transform and things will change.

 

You have to look. You have to put yourself together. Wishing won't do shit. Start with just trying to have a conversation.

 

Depression is tough, I know it personally. There's always a way forward. It is easier to give up. You've been fighting long enough and you want a break. But you haven't given up, because that's not who you are. Even taking a break from your demons isn't giving up. Never think that you've given up. There are always answers. I'm 28, I didn't find my answers until a couple years ago.
People don't like to run, but if a bear is behind them, they suddenly find the energy. Hoping you can find a bear to run from!
Seeing that you need change, and wanting to make that change, automatically sets you ahead of others. Others medicate with alcohol, drugs, or... porn. It doesn't make you better, but even if you might feel behind, you are tackling the actual problems you have. A degree, a job, a title doesn't change who you are. Changing your life is literally, well, life-changing work, and so it's tough. Like pushing a train.

 

Gotcha. I'm on a similar path here. 6ft and trying to get from under 60kg to around 70. A lot of guys need to lose fat then put on mass, we're lucky in that we're halfway there. I've met plenty of guys who gained mass quickly only to give up the exercises and have it convert to fat. Instead, slowly building a clean lean body will do you wonders.

I was here for a whole year. Finished a degree only to find most of the industry is working in a toxic environment of stressful work conditions, spent a good 6 months completely lost (felt physically sick some days), and now studying a post grad to get me into a healthier industry.

I will say this. I don't know what my purpose is either. Other than to contribute to society is some way, and help my friends and family. The job role does not matter so much, as long as it isn't literally causing me stress-related illness!

They say if you don't know your purpose, then the journey of finding your purpose is your purpose for the time being!

Honestly it's like I'm reading old diary entries. Maybe this self-development path can be a bit destructive at times, because we see what needs fixing, and think ah damn, I need to fix a lot therefore I'm nowhere near my potential.

We're all lost at times. We never have it all 'together'. That anxiety your feel and self-critic you hear is with us all more than most will admit.

In my late 20s I gave up dating to wait until I was 'fixed'. Somewhere along the way I forget to step back up to the game.

Please don't make my mistake. You might improve heaps in a short time, but life isn't going to wait for you. In fact, stumbling along and making mistakes will give you the fastest pathway to improve!

 

Check out some zinc picolinate or ZMA...

Any PMOer is most likely deficient in zinc.
Zinc = testosterone.. Beware of libido though if you find a good zinc. and dont take to much.

I raised my testosterone a good couple of steps (got blood test) by adding zinc and selenium after "relapse". i can feel how weak i become by going without zinc for a while.

 

It is because you are on easy mode. There's little benefit to it.