You may have to lose your mind.

I sit here on another day, falling into the same traps. I do it to myself over and over for nothing. Getting all upset at my circumstance, further locking it in with indulging more and more.

It seems now you get advice to let go, to back down from life basically. To be fine with day in and day out being the same routine. Resigned to a fate and not even wanting to do that to yourself.

This is under loneliness because to me that’s the real issue. You can sit there and tell me you are fine being alone for life. I’ve experienced enough of it to know that’s a flat out lie. Sure as shit im nervous, anxious, whatever. Yet when I’m here for too long, I start losing all interest in life. My mind already set on this track I need to get off.

I don’t know about any of you but I’m not throwing in the towel. I’m not gonna allow myself to accept such a fate even if I’m there now. I’d rather be a restless mind full of thoughts that are beautiful and ugly. Instead of letting myself grow numb, walking through life like a robot. What’s the point in that? Throwing away all humanity just because it’s easier?