let myself go, want to try again

Sounds like it's a tough time right now for you. So what "fulfilling disciplines" are you going to use to help you stay clean and create a life that you can feel good and confident about. That seems to be the key. You're here and you're ready to work. Feel good about that! Day by day, you can do it! Hang in there.

 

You are caught up in your own story. We always have a choice! You will be successful as long as you don't give up. Lifelong journey. The fact that you are aware and your PMO is not automatic gives you the chance to overcome it! I know you can. You have to make up a new story... A story that does not include PMO. Good luck brother. Head up! Win! check out this golden post to help you along your journey.

http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/my-top-tips-for-leaving-pmo-behind.35201/

 

Exactly! And don't look at others to judge your life by, that's equally important. I mean yeah many of your friends are successful, but think of how many people in the world aren't successful. You could be addicted to serious drugs, or you could be forced into a life of crime.

It doesn't matter what you become so long as you are happy. It's not a competition either - it's not "I was the most happy in life so I win". It's more of "I found happiness in life, and that's what matters".

Also, you have to be more objective about where you currently stand. Right now I know you feel like you're being objective when you evaluate your life, but you're actually putting a lot of emotional spin on things - calling yourself "dirty" and "depraved".

That's not what you are. You're a person who, for many years, has been exposed to highly stimulating pornographic material. This, over time has overloaded your brain, and affected your reward-seeking system, and it's not your fault. You were just a kid when the cycle started. And now you're doing the right thing by coming on here - you're not dirty and depraved, you're a damn hero who's trying to turn his life around!

I know this sounds like naive optimism, but you don't lose anything by being overly optimistic. At worst, you'll just be wrong and won't get everything you thought you would (but until that happens, always assume you will!) - in this scenario however you will still make a ton of progress.

If you're a pessimist, it inherently limits your behavior because you think you're going to fail at everything so you won't try, and that's really a problem. That's why being a pessimist is "impractical" even though "realists" will tell you otherwise.

Don't be naively optimistic, but don't confuse pessimism and realism either. Instead do your best to perceive everything factually and use as few words that suggest something is "good" or "bad" as possible - just say it like it is and say how you want it to be. Your thought process is crucial here - and remember, just because you have a thought doesn't mean you have to act on it! It ain't over until your PMOing.

I just started back up today, and I'm in the same boat as you. This has to be at least my twentieth attempt, but every time I learn new things, and I feel I'm growing as a person. Always come back and keep trying - it's worth it even if you fail.

Good luck man!