*TRIGGER WORD WARNING* How to get rid of femdom addiction

I'm noticing this fetish popping up over and over again on this forum, so clearly a lot of guys are suffering from this. I would wager that most of these guys with this problem have never had sex in their lives.

I guess at the end of the day, when you can't enjoy the meal, you settle for the crumbs that fall from the table. My view is that this fetish is the result of years of rejection and mistreatment from women results in frustrated young men fetishizing the rejection itself. Think about it: negative reinforcement/attention is better than none at all. In fact, I've had a similar issue myself. You see, I find it extremely difficult to visualize any woman's face when adult content isn't directly in front of me, because I hate visualizing real people. The reason is because I can't suspend disbelief: I can't picture myself with a woman I know I have no chance with.

For some guys, the rejection becomes such a big part of their existence that they end up internalizing it. Not just the rejection, but the implications as well. If you keep getting rejection, then are you even loveable? Surely a man who keeps getting rejected by women must be ugly, broke, and unworthy of any love or basic respect. Rejection can be harsh, especially when the woman is stonewalling you and/or being impolite. It happens: some rejections I experienced hurt a lot, and I felt foolish and embarrassed for days on end afterwards.

I truly believe that the fetishes we develop are a reflection of our unmet needs and darkest traumas. Once a man has internalized that he is unloved, unwanted and despised by women, then he - like myself, perhaps - learns to only latch onto material or fantasies in general that require the least amount of suspension of disbelief. In other words, real sex is so unattainable that your brain has a hard time accepting fantasies about it. The alternative is femdom: the women mistreats and humiliates the man in a hyperbolic enactment, though not too dissimilar to what he faces in real life. I'll even bet that in these scenes, sex doesn't even occur.

Anyway, I'm no psychiatrist, but I'm willing to bet that this is the main reason why the femdom fetish occurs.

 

I am not addicted to the sort of hardcore femdom both of you seem to be talking about, but I tend to be attracted to some milder versions where the woman is clearly dominant. It seems to me there are many reasons for this in my case... I never really fitted into any group, a combination of a big ego (stemming from above-average intelligence and being assured of it at elementary and middle school where I was clearly smarter than the rest), low emotional and social intelligence, and resulting ignorance towards others. This resulted in me always being an outsider in school, unwanted, few or no friends. I have tried adjusting myself to fit in more, but I couldn't fake it well enough, I sticked out anyway. Eventually I started to become reliant on various forms of internet usage to cope, which made the sources of my issues worse. Initially I didn't completely realize their rejection and imagined myself with pretty girls, oblivious to the fact they wouldn't want to do anything with me. Once I did truly realize it, at first I developed very low self-esteem and consequently anxiety. I couldn't imagine myself being capable of anything, I couldn't believe anyone would ever want to actually be friends with me, let alone date me. At the same time I was very self-centered due to my low emotional intelligence. This combination ruined several friendships I somehow managed to find despite all of those problems. I believe these things were also what lead me towards GFD, as I imagined a girl who would love me and tolerate all of my flaws, including being incapable at everything including sex. Eventually as I got over my anxiety and low-self esteem I developed contempt for the mainstream people -- for rejecting me (often quite harshly, especially at school), for being more successful than me while being so dumb. I realized the vast majority of pretty girls fall into this category and developed contempt for them as well. This meant I could no longer imagine dating them because truly I wouldn't be interested in any part of them besides their bodies. As a result my porn use would now divide into three categories: 1. complete objectification of pretty girls as they lack any worth besides their beauty 2. being taken care of as in GFD as with my great ego I believe I deserve unlimited amount of pleasure without any investment on my end 3. being manipulated by the pretty girls (fetishizing their rejection). Over time as I tried to quit porn fantasies began replacing porn use and additional one that is too disgusting as porn developed itself, somewhat similar to sissy, but it pretends to be less disgusting where I am brainwashed into playing the role of a feminine male having gay relationship with your average masculine guy (fetishizing being rejected by society as well as fetishizing being forced to abandon all of myself to blend in). So really it's lots of fucked up emotions and personal flaws being transformed into a fetish, as @rheinpfalz said.

Truth be told, I haven't really gotten over many of the things mentioned, they're still hidden somewhere deep in my mind. My emotional and social intelligence got somewhat better over time, but in the end I am still often the self-centered asshole I have developed to be, and my efforts to change it just result in it being less obvious. But hey, at least now I am somewhat capable of loving my parents and sibling... I used to feel nothing towards them. And wow, thinking and writing through all that I didn't realize I am messed up so much... nowadays porn use has become bit too obvious, bit too unbearable, so I seem to be developing an eating disorder instead... don't know which one is worse.