I think I've narrowed down my reasons I keep going back to PMO

No one can save you from the self-created mental prison except yourself.

 

Time to get to work then!

 

Whatever you meant for, when you go against it, you might face all the above mentioned.

Don't take my words wrong, your brought up seems the main culprit for your drifting.

Two choices for you, either succumb to circumstances and self-pitying OR be courageous and live your potential. Someday you realize former choice isn't a choice at all. Better realize it now and live your potential.

 

That's a good list, man. I envy this type of self-awareness. Ultimately it all boils down to fear, in my opinion. Courage, bro!

 

Sounds like a difficult spiral you are in. It is very hard to break, but there's no reason you can't. Focus on yourself for a while and you will find someone when you least expect it. Develop your hobbies or passions, focus on them rather than PMO. Get yourself out of your comfort zone somehow, it doesnt need to be something crazy like sky diving but even something different like going to a cafe or library, just a different social setting.

Its important not to beat yourself up for slipping up on your PMO journey as that can cause more slips and make it harder to get free. Just look at it in steps. Try to make it a day longer each time and congratulate yourself each time you make some progress. Keep strong and believe in yourself. Everyone here believes in you.