I want to stop this mess...!!!

Hello everybody,

I heard about your community in a local newspaper (Switzerland), and I think you are great!

I wanted to stop fapping for years, it destroys my relationships and how I see myself. I'm a Christian.

I spend maybe 7 hours a week on this shit, I realized it yesterday...

Yeah... please help me.

 

I guess this is day 1... =)

 

Hey, thank you very much fat_Stop! I will complete this later! I feel like ok to share my daily thinking here, is it ok? I think it could help me to talk about something unspoken for years...

 

@Foxtrot12 Great man, I need it! =) Thank you

 

@getmylifeback91 Yes! Thank you! Let's go.

 

I really like the 3 Notice–Admire–Move on thing!

So...

Why am I here and why I decided to take the nofap challenge?

For me it's not a challenge, like not a competition. I want to do it for my life, to have more free time, to see friends etc. I am truly happy that you guys have created a forum like this one, I was tired to try on my own.

Why do I want to stop masturbating/ watching porn. How is my addiction affecting my life? What can I achieve if you can quit?

Because I am depressed about it, I want to stop watching porn because I'm feeling ugly by watch women like this, I feel sad for her.
I want to stop it because I have started to watch more and more strange videos, questioning my sexuality, trying hypnosis pornographic. I have visited some very disturbing website, I'm feeling weak after that. Porn has questioned my sexual identity in bad way. I have problem to find my identity, and maybe it's because of that that I watch porn... -_-' I don't know.
If I quit, I would be proud of me, to have a more sincere relation with my girlfriend...! More free time too.

What are my triggers?

At the point now, even nice women in the street are triggers... ((((((

What do I still want to achieve in myself?

I want to be someone reliable, with a good social life. I have a lot of friends, but I don't see them. I want to change that. I want to finish my studies in biology. I want to be able to work without distraction, being serious, not lazy. To finish what I start, to be a nice guy who can help other people, yeah, I like that.

... benefits will come later... =)

How would I feel if I was to relapse?

Horrible. Sad. Angry. Nervous. Depressing, really, I have tried so many times!! I even wanted sometime to smash my phone on the floor. I want to hold on, to be strong, to achieve a great thing for me! Relapsing would be terrible for my girlfriend too. I've told her about what I do and I want to be transparent with her... this is so hard to tell her, to see the regrets in her eyes. And she won't be eternally patient... Really, relapsing would be a huge shame for me.

Yeah, that's it. This forum is great I have red all the links of @Mr notToday , it is really great advice. I'm going to start by seeing some friends, to full my free time, and making some sport, at home in the evening.

One more thank you.

 

So, day 2... I have readen a lot of things in the forum, they are great! I have had some tentation yesterday and today, that's shit, even like writing about pornography. I see that's way more harder than I thought...

 

Day 3... This is the worse day of my life. My girlfriend does not recognize me after what I've done. I realize the hard way what I have done. God this is hard.

Good point: na fap... 3 days in a row... a miracle.