Re-committing to my better self

Hello all,
I am here because I need help. I have fallen off the wagon I worked so hard to climb aboard and I haven't been able to get back on by myself, and with my current systems.

I used a program called The Mindful Habit, which was an amazing program that completely changed my life. I successfully stopped using porn for a period of over 3 months, and even with small relapses went over 12 months with no real bouts of using pornography. I made more ambitious goals, dealt with emotional traumas, got really good at self care, and have been living a much better life ever since then.

However, I think I let myself get too relaxed about it too soon, and have gradually found myself slipping more and more into porn use. Starting with a couple minutes of instagram scrolling here and there, some masturbation here and there, until I am back to spending hours watching porn and edging.

fortunately, it has not made a huge negative impact on other areas of my life yet - as I have built a very strong foundation of healthy habits, relationships, career, etc. Which is perhaps making it difficult to see why I need to stop this behavior. But I know where this path goes... If I do not address it I will lose everything I have worked so hard for and dig a hole for myself.

I have begun to go through the system I used in the mindful habit program for a second time. It is a workbook with various journaling, reflection, goal setting exercises and more. It helped so much to force me to confront my behavior, the drivers behind it, and the actions or lack of actions I could take to change it.

I am joining this community to surround myself by others with a similar goal - to stop using porn and build a better life. The first time around, The Mindful Habit included a coaching program with weekly calls, as well as a forum. The social aspect of seeing other people struggle towards and succeed in the same goal as me really made the difference. I am hoping to achieve that here as well, and hopefully be part of helping others as well.

So thank you for having me, I am looking forward to contributing and I am looking forward to solidifying my better self that does not use pornography and sexual fantasy to numb and escape life.

Finally, I will share my favorite quote from Craig Perra regarding "the curse" of sexual addiction which I will have to paraphrase as I don't remember his exact wording. But this has helped me reframe my whole approach. He said something like:

those of us who have dealt with a sexual addiction have been cursed with the need to relentlessly pursue a great life.

In other words, we do not get the luxury of complacently coasting through life. If our addiction is left unaddressed it threatens to destroy meaning and joy in life. Therefore, we have only 2 options: Succumb, or relentlessly pursue a meaningful, purposeful, fulfilling life. It makes the choice easier for us in a way, while many people may be able to choose the 3rd option of just letting life pass by.

 

Its great that you can recognize it... The trick is not letting your addicted part convince you that its okay since nothing bad has happened yet.