This is it. Im coming to an end.

This isn’t your fault. You said this came from childhood. This is a key part of you. Don’t feel like you messed yourself up or anything. Sexuality can be very complex. I think you should forget about being “normal” and find out what your mind and body truly want out of this life.

 

We are here for you my G

 

And you can get it all, believe me.
Try and be more kind to yourself, get rid of all porn sh!t. Things are going to change, little by little.

 

Have you tried asking the Lord for forgiveness? If you truly come to him in repentance he will forgive all your sins and give you peace. Remember that ALL men have sinned and come short of the glory of God. We are all worthy of eternal death, but Christ has taken your sin for us so that we can be free in him.

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

 

Great that you are not consuming anymore, that will allow you to heal.
There's lots of good advice in here, just wanted to share some thoughts that helped me a lot with guilt and shame:
- turn focus away from yourself first. Get perspective, learn about the history of P - see that you are not alone. We humans are capable of some weird stuff. But you are capable of some amazing things as well.
- apologize to yourself, and be specific. Don't deny, don't forget - let it motivate you. Be kind and talk to yourself from a logic of accepting, but also firmly continuing your life. "OK, so now what's next?"
- work on the positive, on what you really want. Yes it's a cliche but it's the best way to deal with regret. The obstacle is the way.

Sounds like you are already looking to the future, so keep going that way!

 

See a hypnotist

 

Hey man, I just came across your post. This may sound hypocritical coming from me because this addiction has made me suicidal but try to forgive yourself a little. It's true that addiction is the reason not an excuse for actions but at the end of the day you want to stop and you're taking actions to stop. Just be as active as possible in putting in the work. There is hope.

 

doing the 12 steps would be a good option...