Okay, maybe not that old; I'm 46. I just feel that way compared to the younger guys here. I found my way here after hearing Gary Wilson on a podcast maybe a year ago. At the time I knew what he was saying is true: porn messes you up. But like a good little addict I found a million reasons to keep looking at it. So here's the deal. I've been married 14 years, and have a 9 year old son. I haven't had sex with my wife in...wait for it...9 years. I can't believe that's true, but it is. It makes me sad just to read those words. Not just for myself, but for my wife too. She is a sexual being, and has desires that I have not been able to fulfill. Up until my son was born, we had a somewhat regular sex life, but I had always suffered occasional bouts of ED. Never knew why. She thought it might be medical (physiological), but I knew it wasn't that; I never had any problem "performing" with my digital girlfriends. But I had no clue what was going on. After our son was born, we didn't really prioritize sex. New parents will know what I am talking about here. But weeks turned to months, and then years, and well, here we are. We did start fooling around a couple of times over the years, but it always turned out disastrous, with me unable to get/maintain an erection. The wife took this personally, and I was unable to convince her otherwise. The lack of sexual connection has since become a major rift in our marriage. If it weren't for our child, I doubt we would be together still. I of course have relied on my pixelated pussy to cope with the loneliness and absence of sex with my spouse. My wife has her vibrator. We just soldier on. But I don't want to live this way. I want the intimate connection we had before. I knew I had had a problem when I was PMO 2-3x per day, each time getting more difficult to get off; more variety of scenes, women, genres and so on. When I started looking at cartoon porn, I knew it was time to get the fuck out. Sorry for my french. So here I am, 3 days no PMO, signed up to tell strangers on the internet about the darkest parts of me, ready for a change...
I am glad you are looking to change! I have been PMO free for 4 days now! I am 28 years old with a 6 year old son and a 7 year old daughter. The digital partners have ruined my relationship with my spouse for the past 7 years. I have done it in secret for almost the entire relationship. I have tried to quit without help 3 or 4 times during the 7 year span, but unsuccessfully. I am hoping that talking to people will assist in getting past this addiction in my life. I hope you find a good home here and that we can go on to conquer this addiction!
Thanks for the reply, and congrats on 4 days! I came clean with my wife about what I was trying to do with nofap. I don't think she fully grasps the magnitude of the problem, and is hurt by my admission of how often I was using porn, but she is tentatively supportive. Congratulations again and good luck!
Everyone realizes they got a problem when they get to the weird corner of the internet. I just can't grasp how I didn't realize the same thing until I was in really, REALLY deep shit. I went there too, cartoon porn, furries, you name it. I laugh because I identify myself with almost all stories when they get to the weird part because I got past all those red lights like, no problem, I'll just keep going, digging deeper, getting my brain fucked up. You're not that old and I'm really glad you came clear with yourself and your wife about this. It's not going to be an easy journey but you can ask for advice when you feel like giving up. You're just getting in the train, be ready and prepared to ask for help, we learn as we step out of the wagon for a while but a long streak, a lifetime one, takes dedication and discipline. Start by reading the forum, the guides and right now, clearly set all your goals. I hope everything works out for you and your wife.
Welcome brother. It is never too late to start being the man you want to be. We live only once. I am glad you made it to the forum and I fully believe you will rekindle that relationship with your wife. It will take time. It will not be easy. If you have a big enough "why," you will find a way. We are here to support you. Stay strong! Win. Read these 2 posts that will help you greatly on your journey. http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/my-top-tips-for-leaving-pmo-behind.35201/ http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/newbies-faq.49575/
Thanks for the reply and words of encouragement. I used to laugh at some of the weird porn categories I saw; until I needed them to get off. Then I got freaked out. Used to be, I could look at a pretty woman in a bra and panties and that was good times. Now, sometimes it would take a Disney princess getting drilled? What the hell? What is wrong with me? What would people think? Clearly, I am not alone; this shit wouldn't even be available if it wasn't popular. There's a lot of sick guys out there. And that's not an indictment, I'm one of them. I'm just getting started on this. I want to do 90 days no P, M or O. My wife, my family is worth it. Thanks a bunch for reaching out and good luck to you.
Thanks for the links. I read them; good advice in there. I have fond memories of the intimacy my wife and I had in the beginning of our relationship. I want to kick myself for letting that slip away. I want to be healed right now so I can show her I still love her in that way, still want to have a physical relationship with her. It's been so long, I fear that irreparable damage has been done, but I have to try. I am ashamed that I chose computer images and videos over a living, breathing woman. But enough of the downers. I am ready to fight, to give up that which is not useful in my life. Thank you so much for the support. I am generally not a "joiner" or somebody that interacts with others on the interwebs. But this is too important, and I am already glad I have opened up to the people on this forum. I think it will help a lot.
I have no doubt you can rekindle that love. She will sense your recovery. She will respect the Hell out of you. It will take time but it is so worth it. You are on the right track. I am happy for you and I wish you much success! You have one life. Don't let one of life's greatest pleasures slip away! Stay strong! Win
Thank you so much. I am excited about rebooting myself, and I want to share this with my wife. But, she's had 9 years of disappointment. I don't think it's the right time, and I really want to do this right. Thanks again; I am off to read your story. It's both sad and encouraging to see how many guys are working towards the same goal...
You are most welcome! PMO affects many of us irrespective of geography, creed, race, social status, etc. I agree with your approach. As you gain traction with your recovery, she will come around. She will know. Don't rush it nor do you have to push it. I am telling you from experience...She wants her man back. I have no doubt that she will. Stay strong and keep us updated on your progress. I am pulling for you!
