Hello, I'm Chris

Hello fellow NoFappers,

Name's Chris, I'm from Poland and I'm twenty one years old. I've been battling my addiction to masturbation for at least two years - the earliest written accounts of my battling it date as far as to the end of 2013. I've been masturbating ever since I can remember, some of my friends showed to me when I was a young teenager. First I wanked to some non-nude things shown on TV, later came the Internet and regular porn sessions and fapping to FB pictures. Yet it wasn't enough, I craved more, so I went for it and did really weird things to myself, but we'll come back to it later in the introduction. One day I must have realized that masturbation is not in fact beneficial - for one, I didn't have total control over my penis, it was some case of ED, during the one-night-stands when I was younger. I decided to give NoFap a try, without much success, the serious attempts came this year only. It was pretty successful last year; I met a girl with whom I fell in love, I quit drinking cold turkey, started exercising regularly (I have personality issues which make it easier for me to indulge in addictions, thus the previous smoking and alcohol addictions and the current fap and Internet addiction), started studying and passed two whole semestres without any issues. Everything went swimmingly, one might have said. I even had my longest NoFap streak from March to May - 54 days - owing it all to my girlfriend and the reddit /r/NoFapWar challenge (if you don't know it yet, you should check it out). But as we know, good things come and good things go. I broke with my now ex-girlfriend, the holidays started, and I was unemployed, so I indulged in porn again. Having so much time and vigour (fapped many times a day, every day) I craved more and more. I was more and more curious, I started watching more kinky things, but it wasn't enough for me. I started to get interested in transgender and roleplay, I masturbated to crossdressers and traps and even crossdressed myself. I call it 'exploring my feminine side'. I liked it a lot but later on I had a couple of gender questions and issues about myself - but no matter what I did, I still craved women and sex with them (at least that's what I think), but when it came to the deed my penis didn't work in such situations (we managed to work it out with my girlfriend, which proves it works, but not to its full extent - during the one one-night-stand I had since my girlfriend it wasn't even hard). So I decided to stop. In September I started tutoring kids and busied myself with it. Then the next NoFapWar started, which enabled me to get where I am today, almost 60 days masturbation free. I wanted to write porn free, too, but since today that doesn't apply. You have to know that one of NoFapWar rules states that one can't view any porn, so I was very strict with myself. But the war has ended a couple of days ago and today I just browsed some porn for two hours (it started from some non-nude pictures to full blown intercourse videos). I didn't feel guilty, I didn't break the war's rules. But still, I'd like to stay masturbation free for at least 90 days, I'm afraid that I'll relapse. Can you help me?

I'm trying to work my life out, because I'm quite confused. I've started reading the 'No more Mr. Nice Guy' book and found that it fits with me, it depicts me. I'm not sure of anything any more, I don't have may memories before the time I was a sorry drunk (or maybe I'm just supressing them, who knows). The only thing I know is that masturbation isn't beneficial to me, not at all.

My reddit username is HortexSnickers, I submit things to NoFap related subreddits every now and then, I've written similar stories and introductions there as well.

Cheers,

Chris

 

Hello there, how are you doing, mate?

 

No, I don't have that feeling at all. Even though so many things depend on me I seem not to notice or (nor) care to act.

I hope it's the case that we're young and everything will sort itself out. I just like to think I'm better than everyone, that I have to care for stuff, that I have to worry about my future and whatnot, that I can't act how my heart tells me to. I'm not sure. Though I'm one hundred percent sure that the benefits of no masturbation are worth it.

I like your nickname too, for who we all are (or at least we think of ourselves that way) but special snowflakes...