I've never really understood the meaning about this topic before. Can someone really maintain a relationship while having a porn addiction? I remember one kid who had his first relationship and by the time he had sex, he couldn't even get an erection. The reason was obviously from all the porn he watched and constant fapping. In fact, he was humiliated by the incident. I've even heard of other people who've had their partner leave them because of pornography alone. But how many ways can pornography ruin or sustain a relationship despite one having an addiction? What other contributions are involved? And has anyone ever experienced these kinds of things? I'm just kind of curious.
I can't speak for anyone but myself here. In my last relationship, I was trying to quit watching porn, but wasn't really taking it seriously. I knew I wanted to quit porn, but couldn't seem to kick it. I started to get frustrated and unhappy because I couldn't quit watching porn, and those bad feelings spread to all other areas of my life, especially my relationship. I lashed out a lot at least partially because of it. There were probably other reasons too, but that's beside the point. She thought it was silly that I wanted to quit porn because she didn't understand how much it was really affecting me. Our sex life seemed pretty normal to her. There were no problems getting it up, I didn't have any problem finishing like many others do on this forum. What she didn't see was the porn videos after she left for class or while she was at work or after she went to sleep. She didn't realize that many of the things I wanted to try in the bedroom were inspired by porn. I was rarely in the moment with her when we had sex and it sucked knowing that. Instead of communicating these things with her, I began to resent her because she didn't see it as a problem like I did. There's no saying for sure that we'd still be together if it weren't for the porn addiction. You see on this forum fairly often that people have beaten it with the help of their partner. Overcoming it together seems to be a huge bonding experience to the couples that successfully make it through. My ex-girlfriend and I both handled it poorly and every way I spin it in my mind, our breakup leads back to my porn addiction. Maybe this isn't entirely accurate, but I decided to not dwell on it any longer. What I know for sure is that porn isn't good for my relationships in general. That's why I'm so committed to stopping. I deserve better relationships with people, and they certainly deserve better relationships with me. Maybe this will help answer your question. All the best! -Grindel
Hello, From my current experience, I can tell you that you can maintain a relationship while having an addiction to porn (but it's not easy). It is more difficult when it is an intimate relationship that involves intercourse, but both sexual and romantic are difficult. The sexual relationship has the downfalls you mentioned (being ED or not being able to get it up) but I believe these can be addressed with time and patience (quitting porn and fapping). When I first started having sex with my gf 2 months ago I couldn't get hard and at times couldn't finish but she was cool and worked with me through it. After a few weeks I was able to have intercourse for 5 to 10 mins and then more but it took some time for me to get comfortable. In my circumstance I hadn't been in a relationship for 2-3 years and hadn't been sexually active in that time either (I was actively fapping away) so transitioning back into a man who has a normal appetite for sexual needs wasn't an easy thing to achieve. I still find myself relapsing and making excuses so I am determined to document my progress everyday to stay on track. Today is my day 3 and I have deleted all of my porn and got rid of everything but I think I still need to set up some web filters as I don't want to fail myself (also need to remember to use the NoFap button). I can understand why porn addiction is a problem for a lot of people because it has been around for a while now and it affects the brain's reward circuits heavily. Although I have a beautiful woman that loves me in a good relationship that is growing I have this problem with porn that I have never resolved and which hopefully can be. I quit cigarettes this year but that is another story, a powerful addiction like porn but less psychological. Anyhow, I told her about my porn addiction and how it may have been the reason for me being limp and then later unable to bust. She was very understanding and I was able to get over my issues when having sex with her but when I am alone I still revert to my old habits with excuses. I hope this may have been helpful, we can win, one day at a time. -tabrik
Sadly I was a closet porn addict through 2 wives and a handful or girlfriends. The breakups weren't caused directly from my addiction. Frankly I never knew I had a problem like most addicts think. Although looking back some of my relationships may have worked had I felt differently towards them. Perhaps the PMO distorted my views or what was truly in front on me. I became sexually selfish. Not that I didn't please them but I was never truly satisfied. I would 90% of the time ensure my partner O'd first and then me. Never had an ED issue until recently, last few months. The gf I have now is simply amazing. Very sensual and sexual. The sex was initially incredible. So incredible that the chaser effect would take control and I'd find myself PMOing even hours after we had sex. This became more frequent and I was PMOing maybe 2-3 times a day, and having sex w her in between. Then the trouble started. Because I was having so much sex and PMOing I required stronger and stronger stimuli. The damn Coolidge effect got me. I got into fetishes I never even heard of before. After a month of intense fetish porn, PMO 3x day the ED got me. Initially I thought, well I'm 45 I guess I'm at that age. I never had an ED issue. Talked to my dr and he gave me some pills which helped but I didn't want to use the pills. So I kept researching. I even stepped up my edging thinking it would help. How ignorant was I?! Finally I found this site and yourbrainonporn and what a relief. I told my gf what was going on. She had a right to know. She was so supportive and understanding. I know I'm rambling so I'll just say I quit PMO cold turkey. I'm PMO free for 6 weeks and MO free for 4 weeks. My ED is just about gone. We've had sex a number of times and my lil fella' works when I need him too once again. I'm def done with porn. I'll leave the MO in my girlfriend's capable hand!
Thanks for your input on this guys. I never knew people go through these experiences. I just wanted to get some thought and advice before I enter a relationship of my own one day. Thanks everyone.
Well of course you can, I did so for 14 years, with two girlfriends. Don't forget that nobody is perfect, so two non-perfects can always pretty well team up In a way, all women I was together with were insane, just like me ... I loved it
I find myself lasting longer with my gf. And i go crazy for her when we get intimate. when i watch porn, i feel numb to everything and even when we were intimate, it didn't feel as "firey". but after i stopped watching porn, even seeing her makes me want to just move closer to her and have more physical contact. she feels really loved and it has been great.
Thanks Rav, I was lucky enough to find someone who was so 'liberal' when it came to my porn habit. My ex wife would never have understood or accepted my issues. My current gf is very supportive. So far I'm 8 weeks no PMO. Just had amazing sex w her last night and we both O'd in like 6 min! Quitting porn has opened up doors that I didn't think we're possible. Even without my gf I feel like I won't ever go back porn. Hopefully I won't have to find out. Good luck in your journey and keep us posted. Message me if you have any questions or I can help in anyway.
I have a similar story but I have been married 1.5 years. I just wanted to hit on a few other areas. I have had ED and then PE when I started trying to abstain. Anyone our sex life hasn't been the greatest and that is thanks to me, my wife actually loves sex but I sometimes have a fear of what if I can't get it up. If I am 5-6 days on a streak I have no problem. It is really crazy to have a fear of sex. Anyway, I also have memory problems and I am not where I want to be financially. When you watch porn you get a huge dopamine hit, most of us know that, but you need to know what else dopamie does with your brain. It improves you concentration, helps with memory, sleep cycle, and a whole bunch of other stuff in the brain. You don't have an infinite amount everyday, it has to build back up. So when you have a big PMO session and you feel that brain fog, maybe you are forgetful, and you can't go to sleep, a lot of that is because of low dopamine. I have noticed that when I abstain, I am sharp, great memory and can go to sleep just fine without small bouts an insomnia. My wife has gotten on to me several times, we have had fights quite a bit, about my memory problems. A lot of the day to day stuff.
