For a year I've been dating a girl I would happily call the love of my life. She had some idea I had struggled with PMO before, but I assured her it was behind me when we first started dating, and at the time, it was. But then I relapsed. I never told her about it, thinking what she doesn't know can't hurt her. I guess that's technically true because it didn't hurt until Sunday when she found out. After two days we've somehow held our relationship together, but there's so much pain and sadness and regret floating around its hard to concentrate and think clearly. Her trust is shattered, my self confidence is shattered, and as of today I'm in hard mode. We had some physical intimacy before this, but we've decided we can't go on with that anymore. Hard mode is one thing that I can prepare for and work with and plan for, but neither of us know how to deal with the relational pain and agony... Help?
Firstly, go to the women's forum and read their stories of coping up with addicts. It will help you understand what your gf is really going through. Its very difficult to let go of mistrust. Talk to her about your deepest struggles and feelings. She needs to know you are lost. Stop pmo, once and for all. Get desperate for it. No looking back, no slack. Say to yourself- I get free of this , or die. 100 times a day. Read success stories and coping with other issues.
Talk to me if you need more help, or find an accountability partner, but talk to your gf, about this and about other things. Be best friends. Trust develops over time
Thanks for the reply/advice, things are slowly settling down after the storm of first emotion. I guess I'm just worried she'll never trust me as much as she once did. I'm getting an accountability partner in a good friend I know who's beaten PMO before himself, but he never dealt with it in a relationship.
No No she won't, not that easily. We can't talk our way out of problems we behave ourselves into. Try to understand this .we have emotional bank accounts with people close to us. The closest relationships require consistent positive emotional deposits, or the emotion withers. Keep in touch with her, talk to her. Be there for her, really listen to her. Tell her if you fail, or not, your struggle. That being said,don't fail. let go of this addiction. You deserve better.
And there is this woman named Rav70 on this forum somewhere. Talk to her. She is good with this stuff.
