Welcome Friend I'm new to this site so I so firstly I'm gonna introduce myself very shortly then I take you through my experience with NoFap and tell you about my fails, winns and my overall progress... How it all begun Call me Matt. I'm 25 year old introvert. My journy and first expericences with NoFap started after I finished my studies in economics and started my first real job. After a frew faild attempts I wanted to start a serious one an get behind a 30days.. would be a major steak for me. In the past I mastrubated every day, since I could rember. Somethimes more than one. You could say the addciton pretty bad strong... I started work as a co teamleader of a 10 person group. I learnd a lot at work, and worked out like crazy, cause I started work out like crazy. I started powerlifting and took it pretty seroius. I was destraced and everything went well until the 40 day I guess. I was unbelievlibliy horny, I didn't had a girlfrind then so I went to the brothel. I did it like a bull on steroids and after I finished the beast was unleasht, I felt in old patters and jurked of erery day. Work was pretty stressfull and I coulden'find my inner strengh to start a new attempt. I was quitting sport and felt pretty depressed.... And now No a Year has passed. I found myself a girlfrind. I guess, so I meet this girl at work that worked in a co-department (She does not anymore, it was only a temporary job.). I'm quite shy and never had a girlfrind but I started a new try on NoFap and about day 10 in it I grew the balls and asked her out. We went for a drink talked a lot, but I let her go without even trying to make a move. I was to scared and even felt quite sick.... I was nervous like hell I guess. But I was drunk enough to worte her afterwards and told her that I liked her. She texted back that she like me aswell but she's pretty shy so its my turn to make a move. So I did, we went to the cinema I kissed her and now were're like a couple. The next day she invited to her home. We watched a movie and mad out I tried to took it further but she was not ready so I stopped (But I tried, this was very important for me to show her I really like her as a man) I have no problem with waiting. She told me later she is very shy... I guess I have to give her more time. Furhther more she is leaving in march for an abroad language cours (3months). I know in 3 moths can much happen, so in one way I have the need to controll the situation and seal the deal before...(cause I wanna be active and create my future) on the onther hand, I should go with the flow don't forece andything and have trust. (I have but I also know how life somtimes plays out) Take it as a opportunity to develop and build a better me.... 23.January 2016 today is my 21's day. so should I sleep with her if I could? How bad will this fuck up my reboot? I got the fear that I can lose her, if I don't break through to her and sleep with her. If I can not do it, she will lose respect of me as a men I guess (That's just how game wokrs) What sould I do? I don't wanna lose her...(I really love her but she's my first girlfrind and I have so litte clue about giving her what she needs, probably exprects ...) Also she's going away.. for a three months period, god knows how cirucumstances going to change... Also work got more stressfull. I got promoted to management support. But this job brings a lot of stress with it, and I'm thinking of change positons again.... Some days I feel hopfull and everything is okay. But other days I could burst out in tears and I feel the hole world on my shoulders.... How much of this is form NoFap? Also I have phases of low self esteem (then I consider myself as a sad little fuck.) Thank you for reading my story... I hope you can give me a lil bit of advise. I would appricate it.
Your addiction is to masturbation and porn. Real sex is the real thing. The real thing is ok man! You have to have sex with your partner WITHOUT all the porn ideas and images you have in your mind. Real sex with a loved one is about LOVE, RESPECT, CARESSES. Porn is about duration, strength, gymnastic moves, everything goes and a willing bimbo sex-object that likes it all wants it all. So, just make sure that before you want to make love to her, you're not looking at giving it to her like you did with that prostitute you talked about (the unleashed beast you mention). What porn does to damage real sex experience: -Creates unrealistic expectations about your partner -Makes you feel unsatisfied if she doesn't want to do some stuff. In reality, I think very few girls actually like AN4L or sw4llow. I would not expect to have that and I wouldn't ask her either. -Makes you feel real sex is not as intense as internet porn -Makes you being pushy about getting more and more sex with her. -Makes you wanting to try all positions in the book, gives you ideas about role-play, fetishes, weird stuff, sometimes slippery-slope stuff. -If she finds out you masturbate a lot and even worse you masturbate to porn, she will have a shock and might have low self-esteem issues... NOT GOOD. Free your mind of dirty ideas, fantasies and porn-related phantasms BEFORE you want to make love to her. In your case, the girl is shy. Don't force it, let it go. If not, you might blow it. She works at the same place as you...your choice...but you have to be careful. Treat her good. We porn lovers trying to get clean have a dirty mind and were objectifying women...
I agree with Ikindanew. Real sex is the norm and exactly the thing you should be seeking. Life doesn't always present you with things in the right order, but you shouldn't hold back now. Don't overthink it, just enjoy being with her, respect her and yourself and don't be hard on yourself. A word to the wise.. You may well be tempted back to porn whilst with her, especially if you have commitment/attachment issues. This is normal. However that is the real challenge not whether you sleep with her now. So enjoy the bonding you will have together and let it grow naturally and be ready to resist the temptation to regress to the empty past.
Thanks for your wise words I try to follow them cause I know thy're true. She doesn't work there anymore, it was only a temporary Job. (I correctet my inital Post, sorry I forgot to wirite that down.) Also she is going away in a month or so. For about three months' for a abroad language cours. That's also an a reason why I wanted to "seal the deal" cause in three months can much happen. But I guess I have to have trust, and use it as an opportunity to get stronger in this time... I know that's a dilema I face. I try to be honest, and don't lie. Cause mybe she senses that something is fishy... But I never told her cause I know it's not good. But this puts a lot of pressure on my site, cause It's hard to constantly controll youself...(sounds harder than I mean it, english is not my mothertonge).. I mean its hard that she doesn't sense it.
Very good input. I try to use this as my basic motivaton. Thank you. Wish you the best on your journey.
My wife know all about my addiction now, as I speak to her about how I make out...It's rough...but we love each other...I just wish I would have communicated with her on this before. Trust me, the best thing ever, when it comes to sex, is to let the "new partner" know of what you like and don't like. You also HAVE to know what she likes and doesn't. There is always the odd case of a girl that really want to be in a relationship with a guy, but she is suffering big time about a TRAUMA such as sexual harrasment, or being molested by a sicko as a kid. These victims still need love and deserve to be treated good. Nevertheless, when it comes to sex, they just can't forget about the past...sex is rare and vanilla. There is other girls with high sex drives, nyphomaniacs, curious about stuff and willing to "role-play", but I never found one...those are unicorns living in foreign, far away lands... Basically, they live in Ali-baba's cavern and the map to the cavern is kept in a gold-filled treasure chest in a shipwreck. The map to the ship wreck is kept by a troll hiding under a bridge. The only dude that knows which bridge it is only shows up (with his pot of gold) at one end of a rainbow...good luck finding which side of which rainbow I'm talking about. In a nutshell, be honest, have that discussion one way or another, about what you like and ask what she likes, no BS. Even have that libido discussion at some point. There is some girls out there that don't masturbate and envision love just like the Romeo and Juliet story. They don't always figure that Romeo is a horny bastard that needs sex twice a week. There is these women, just like my mother-in-law (that obviously hated sex) saying that "in every man, lies a sex pig" sorry for the rough translation. I wish everyone on this planet to have a healthy and rewarding sex life with a steady partner...we have to work for it as a couple. science fiction (read PORN) doesnt help.
Thank you Ikindaknew for the describsion of your personal situaton. It's an insperation for me and made me a bit more courage to share my situaton with my GF at a later point. Moreover, you gave me a postive szenario of outcome, when I tell her and I guess, your right with what you're saying. PS: The part with the "other" girls was hilarious
