A paradox about trying to quit any addiction

Yes. You have experienced one of the most important realizations in recovery. This is why I think, that relapse is necessary to some degree; so you could find out what you're doing wrong.

The bottom line is: human-mind cannot focus on a reverse of an idea. The best thing to do is not try to drop the thought, but let it drop like a leave from a tree. Make yourself busy as possible and you won't have time to even think about not thinking about not thinking about porn.

Keep it up!

 

You sir hit the point. Counting days, hours, seconds... it is wrong approach. Instead of really enjoying doing other things they come to ask "is this or that a relapse", "can i do this or that" or "is this cheating" (by the way you are only person you are cheating on this journey).

 

Spot on man! Porn became a (comfortable) routine for me, in stead of longing back to that comfort, I should add new and interesting activities in stead

 

You are right... You cannot use your brain to actively forget or get over something, only passively. So as you say, by doing other things.

For myself, being outside or with other people helps me to stop thinking about it. Being on my own in my house is still hard, especially in bed. But hey, it all gets better!

 

yep. another usefull approach is not to think about why you should quit, but why continue doing it. so instead of thinking "aaah, i want to do it so much, but it's just wasting my time and makes me more depressed, i really shouldn't", you just turn the thing around and say "ok, i can do something else but i want to fap instead. why? what does it bring me?" and the answer is usually not much. so why would you continue to do something you don't even want to do?

if you are doing something that you don't want to be doing, the only thing you need to win is to do nothing. and you are good at it. maybe you even enjoy it. you've been doing nothing about your addiction for so long that it gave you more practice than you need. that's another paradox about addictions. use it.

stay strong!

 

Hey guys, thanks for the insight. Living "here and now" helps, I suppose. Focusing on the present. Mediating. Actually I picked up meditation jus a few days ago - seems to be working. I found this resource some time ago, I think it is helpful:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5Lg9P-VekA

 

To stop your brain from thinking about porn or fapping, the key thing to do is to distract it by keeping busy with other things, like exercise for example.

 

Its so true isn't it. The more we think about what we are trying to avoid, the more we get drawn in.
What I have learned from meditation is no so much to control my thought patterns, but to just let me thoughts be what they are and recognise that they are "just thoughts".
I try to get some distance from my thought. To look at the thought that is bothering me and recognise that it is just a thought, and that I don't need to be controlled by that thought. And then just let it pass away.

 

When I'm tempted, instead of trying the failed approach of "not thinking about fapping," I think about the person I want to be. I think about the main characters from 300 and Gladiator, their mental and physical strength. I see myself joining their ranks. After "fantasizing" about that, my willpower gets a boost and I move on.

 

Thank you for sharing this, I will try this for sure!

 

I like the way Stephen Covey put it. If you try to kill a feeling, it struggles for life. If you let it live, it dies birthing. I think one of the keys to dealing with urges is to accept them as normal and common. Once accepted, they tend to lose much of their power