228 Days. This is my story.

Hello everyone,

I am new blogger but I have stalked the site for months. I cannot believe how far I have come on nofap. As of today, I have been clean for 228 consecutive days with no relapse. I officially quit porn and masturbation on October 24, 2015 and I am the better man for it.
The history of my battle with this is a hard thing for me to face. I guess my hormonal urges started early. I can remember being in fourth grade and noticing scatily clad women in books. I remember the curiosity that I had around this time. Later, around 11 or 12, I began watching intimate scenes in movies. I started masturbating at 13 after hearing about it at school from other boys. After that, I was hooked. I couldn't wait to get home so that I could fulfill my lusts, I was even guilty of masturbating at school in the bathroom on occasion. I began objectifying the girls around me and I saw them as objects instead of human beings. I would masturbate while thinking of these innocent girls and made them my object. I began scouring the internet for sex scenes from movies and TV and watched hours upon hours worth. These scenes served their purpose. I never looked into actual "porn" much but I would safely say that the majority of stuff on TV and movies is borderline if not actual porn.
Yet I always felt so guilty afterwards. I felt like I was being a hypocrite. I was never taught that masturbation was wrong but it always felt that way. It felt like I was living a double life. I would try to live like a Christian yet I had this dark monster upon my back, every minute, every day.
I tried to quit several times but I never made much progress. My longest streak before nofap was 8 days, then I would always sink back into the miry pit that I was in. It felt like I could never escape. Finally I discovered how bad masturbation was for my brain and I seriously considered quitting for the first time. I read about the 90 day nofap challenge and decided to try it. I began abstaining from all videos and masturbation. There were a few times in the first couple of weeks that I saw some pretty girls on Facebook and felt the draw to return to my old ways. I realized then that I would need to abstain from anything that might be a trigger. After that, I got along swimmingly. I would count down the days and was always excited to see that I was making progress. I had problems in the first couple of months with recurring thoughts and urges so I labored to keep these out of my mind. I would stalk nofap every day and read success stories, which served as encouragement to me. I remember many men talking abut how they hated the flatline period of hard mode. I didn't see a problem with flatline. I honestly encouraged it because it gave me a break from the urges. Not to get too personal but my morning wood returned and I have had several wet dreams in the past several months. I saw the wet dreams as a problem at first but after reading posts about this, I realized that my body is just working naturally.
I have noticed many benefits with quitting. My mind is a lot clearer. I physically feel better. I believe that my voice has gotten deeper. I feel much more confident and manly. I don't gawk at all of the girls that I see anymore. I can look a woman in the eyes and appreciate her as a human being. I can be home alone and not feel the temptation to surf the internet and masturbate for hour upon hour only to feel like crap afterwards.
I have been taking cold showers and I love them. I actually prefer to start with warm water, allow myself a few minutes of that, then turn the water down and clean up. The first few times I tried it were the hardest. I would beat on my chest like Tarzan and yell, if I was home alone. LOL
In this time, I have gotten into a relationship with a wonderful girl. I was single for six years before I met her and now we have celebrated six months together. She is one of a kind and I cherish her. I have not told her of my struggle but I don't see a need to at the moment.
For those who are struggling with your addiction, do not give up. Remove all triggers from your life. Get on nofap every day and read the amazing success stories and let those inspire you. Reward yourself every now and then for hitting some milestones. Don't use porn or masturbation as rewards. That will not help you through your reboot. It can be as simple as eating your favorite food or getting some ice cream. Also, don't beat yourself up. If you stumble, dust yourself off and keep going. Don't get lifted up with pride either and decide to test your tolerance to porn or masturbation. Once you decide to stop, stop. Just remember that we haven't completely beaten this yet. Just keep on keeping on and don't look back. It gets easier, I promise.
I want to thank the people at nofap for creating this community where we can share our problems. I also want to thank God for helping me and for what he has done for me and I look forward to being a better man because of this struggle. I hope that this helps someone and please feel free to comment or ask questions. Thank you.

 

Thanks everyone. I am pleased with the response that I have received from my post. With regards to your question Kman20, I don't exactly know when I hit that time. It must have been three weeks to a month in. I read up on this site about it and realized that everyone reaches that point at different times. Hope this helps. Let me know if you have anymore questions.

 

Hey kman. I did see some difference. I found it hard to get to sleep at first because my mind would be filled with triggering thoughts. But I noticed that it was easier to get up too. I seemed to rest better at night. I hope this helps. Don't hesitate to ask any questions.