My husband told me the last time he masturbated was 7 days ago. Now from reading here, I gather that its not that easy, is it? Also, everytime I come close to him, he says he doesnt feel the urge to orgasm, and that he doesnt feel frustrated in a sexual way? Now Im not a mindreader, but Im guessing he might just be lying to me? Can anyone please give me a honest answer on this?
your feelings could be right, sorry about your problems but I do find it strange he does not have a need to O
did he used to watch porn? if he did, he may be honest. porn creates complications in these things, not wanting O's when you should, I am not suggesting he is still watching porn, but the healing of not watching porn, when you quit also causes problems
Clearly trust has broken down in your marriage. I suppose that is inevitable under these circumstances. I suggest that you can only work with what you know. Unless you have evidence of him masturbating in the last seven days, just accept it.
Yeah, the trust is gone. He has been watchin an incredible amount of porn the last few months, the data account was through the roof, thats how I started suspecting it, and his complete lack of interest in me. I know, sneaky wife, but I do the laundry, and yeah, there is white stains in his underwear most days. I cant understand how he can be honest when he says he feels no need sexually anymore.
Just to make things a little clearer for those who dont know my story, my husband is addicted to PMO, and asked me to help him to stop, but Im freakin lost!
My suggestion would be to read up on the nofap "flatline". It's possible he may be telling the truth about no PMO for the last 7 days. He might have just entered a flatline. Maybe he just needs a few more weeks of no PMO. Now here's the part you're not going to like and I apologise in advance if I cause offence here. It would be very hard for me to feel aroused by someone who was constantly checking up on me and watching my every move (and I've never suffered from ED during all the years I've been addicted to PMO). I, for one, would find it difficult to compartmentalise and suddenly become aroused by someone who has been watching my every move and constantly suspecting me of lying. I'm not saying you're wrong for feeling this way, just that I would have a difficult time getting aroused in that situation. Ultimately, the question is whether he can be trusted or not. If the answer is he can't be trusted, then perhaps the next question to ask is whether you need the stress of this situation in your life at all.
I get it, I do. But you know what, he made me this way! He made me an untrusting, suspicious, always expecting the worst to come sort of person. I have been lied to, more than Im sure, 100 times by him, empty promises, promises he even made on my life, that was lies! So yes, I am incredibly untrusting of this man, he asks me to help him, asks me to put up locks on his phone and and and, and yet, he gets angry at me for feeling hurt. So Im so close to just giving up, maybe I should just leave, and stop burdening him with my untrusting, non arousing, nagging ass!!
I am single, so I know bugger-all about marriage. But you last post sounds like the sort of content I imagine relationship counsellors work with. It sounds like, if you both want some resolution from all this pain, an arbiter may be necessary.
First of all, you know barely any of her story, even if you've read her other posts, which I doubt you have, from reading your reply. Secondly, sure sounds like blaming the victim to me. She's not checking up on him and suspecting him because she hasn't got her head on right, she's suspecting him and checking up on him because he's repeatedly lied to her, among other even more damaging things. And it's not like he's trying too hard to hide anything if he's tossing cxm stained underwear in the laundry, which she cleans. On top of that, her question isn't how do I arouse my husband, it was, is he lying? Finally, it's well proven that excessive porn use often causes a man difficulty in getting aroused with a perfectly willing wife or SO. Doing the laundry and discovering he's lying, that's not the problem here. P addiction is the problem here. Sandness7, ignore this.
I don't know if there is a difference between men and women in this regards ... but there are a lot of difficult emotions to work through in the process. Not everyone handles it the same. I don't think any one of us can tell you whether he's still up to his old ways or not. We don't live in the home, we don't hear both sides of the story. In saying so, none of it is your fault.. whether he is succeeding or failing then its all on him. But how is the matter being addressed? Going at it aggressively can cause the wall to go up. I'm not saying that is what is going on, but if he relapsed and then fears aggressive feedback he's likely to shut down or hide it. Been there and done that. In the end, you have to do what is best for you and decide how much is enough. The trust is broken but unless there is a healthy, passive communication then it can't be restored. Wish you the best hun.
First of all, I'm not blaming anybody here. As you said, I don't know enough about the situation to do that, but neither do you. All we have are a few lines of text from one person. The question wasn't "was he lying about being a porn addict?". We already know that he's asked for help in quitting. The question was "was he lying about having abstained from masturbation in the last 7 days?". Well, the answer to that is we don't know. He might still be masturbating, or alternatively, if he is seven days into the reboot, he might be flatlining. Now I think it might be time for you to start reading posts, or more specifically, only reading things that are actually there. My previous post did not suggest her head "isn't on right". In fact, I very clearly said "I'm not saying you're wrong for feeling this way". My question was simply this: Does constantly checking up on someone help the situation? Does it help either party? More specifically, does @Sadness7 want to waste her time constantly checking up on someone she doesn't trust? It's not a question of who's right or wrong -- it's a question of what works and what doesn't. If this guy is going to get over his porn addiction, it's going to require trust. If he has been clean for seven days, accusing him of doing something else isn't going to help at all. If he is lying, the question is whether the victim should continue wasting their time on a liar.
I get concerned when the husband blames the wife for his use of porn and for his lack of sexual desire for his spouse. Granted both men and women get older and may put on a few pounds. A couple in their forties may have less sexual desire than a couple in their twenties. But a guy who transgresses his own inadequacies upon his spouse is very disturbing. Your husband needs to own up to his addiction. If he does, then you have a choice to find a counsellor to help the two of you salvage your marriage. But if your husband continues to insult your appearance, then your husband is doomed to failure and you need to look out for yourself by moving on.
That's a good question. That's a good question. But what you focused on, three times, was that you would have a hard time getting aroused in that situation.
@fupornwife I really want to thank you for sticking up for me. Really thank you. Now if my story was read by the rude people on here, they would have known that my husband has never blamed my physical appearance for it. I also did not confront him about the underwear, so just chill about that. I gym, am most certainly not overweight, and do all I possibly can for this man. Read my post, my crazy journey with porn if you want to know the whole story, but doubt it cause you're just going at me like a freakin attack dog! @fupornwife I showed my husband the videos, after getting my courage together, also showed him the website yourbrainonporn, and he was shocked, silently watching the videos, I gave him his space and after, he came to me and sincerely apologised. He has porn induced delayed ejaculation. I have asked him to do a 90 day reboot, and Im doing it with him. He agreed and told me he is thankful that I am helping him again to get out of this hole. I apologise for upsetting alot of you on here with my question.
That is wonderful @Sadness7! I'm so glad to hear that. No problem at all about sticking up for you. We wives and girlfriends of addicts need to stick together. Sometimes posting in the main group is helpful, because there are addicts that are very kind and helpful. Sometimes it is not. I have been attacked myself. That's why we have the SO group. Perhaps you should post in there in the future. Please don't let this discourage you from being on NoFap.
I don't know everything, no. But have you read every single post she's made since she joined? Have you been private messaging her about her situation? I have.
Even if it wasn't the case that she was in shape and went to the gym, physical appearance is not the point here and it has nothing to do with the original question. I appreciate the men who have commented helpfully on this thread but some of you are just way, way over the line.
He might be having porn induced ED. A common problem . I had it once and i did not know it for what it was..I used to think that my partner was not attractive and that i am not in the right relationship etc..she felt miserable too..important issue here is to make him aware that such a thing exists..Porn industry is not the gym for lonely males to develop sexual prowess.. i used to think that more i revv my works..more stud i will become..and when the results were opposite..i thought my porn free partner might be at fault!!..horrible but true nevertheless..so chances are he might be thinking that u are some one who is asexual..all pointers to a intervention of some kind...family friends therapist.. i dont think u can sexualize u r self to become appetising for a person with PIED..it is very demeaning proposition in my opinion.
