My introduction (Warning: Could be triggering!)

Hey guys,

this introduction is a more detailed version of my rebooting log, which you'll find here: https://www.NoFap.com/forum/index.php?threads/starting-over-for-a-new-life-reboot-log.71125

I'm a 25 year old male student from Germany.
I began to PMO when I was 13, but did it before with softcore pictures I got offline since I was something like 11.
It escalated in my teen years (and almost stayed like this) because I've hit puberty very late (maybe because of it?) and really suffered because of this. This means PMO was my way of avoiding pain.
It began with "vanilla sex", then anal, gangbangs, double penetration, bdsm, even animal breeding and stuff like that.

I think the reward system in my brain is pretty fucked up because of it.
Since I can remember, I'm lazy as f*ck, avoid most social encounters etc and live a pretty boring life. I also have few friends.

When I was 21, I reduced it massively and just PMOed to real amateur videos which have been "vanilla porn". Some months later, I had my first real sex, but with a hooker..
It was okay for my first time, but I had massive DE. Some weeks later, I got my first girlfriend and we had a four month relationship. Sexually, it was great for both of us, she really enjoyed it and we had sex everytime we've seen us. Sometimes, I had some ED issues, but no complete ED, more like it wasn't 100% hard.
But I was so addicted, all I did for her was just for sex, which means that if I gave her a massage or went out for dinner for her, I just wanted sex. This is sad and fucked up and perhaps was the reason why she left me. During the relationship I hadn't PMOed!

After we broke up, I went back to masturbation and porn. And it got even worse than before. 2014 I began to smoke weed, got into transwoman porn etc and developed PE! Never had that before, but I was fapping with a soft dick all the time before when I was on weed, just wanted to hit an orgasm as fast as I could. When I was having sex with a MILF, I just came when I got my dick inside her. I was shocked because I never had that problem before, my stamina was great until that occasion.
And the PE remained for the next year, which was one of the reasons why I avoided any flirt with women. In the end of 2014 I had an injury which forced me to stay inside for more than two months. In this time, I've escalated to self anal play in extreme dimensions. (Did anal on myself before but not that hard)
I've got my first handsfree orgasms and got addicted by them. I can fist my ass without any problem. By the end of 2015, I've visited a transwoman and she fucked and fisted me. I was addicted by this shit and just looked for more transwomen etc.
Later i got more and more into traps and gay porn, fucked up my study exams, missed so many social encounters etc.
I also developed so much self doubts (sexual, "I'm not a real man, just a pussy" etc etc.) and bad anxietes. Sometimes, I need 4 or 5 hours to stay in bed until I'm able to sleep.

Probably most people wouldn't think that about me when they meet me, because I look pretty normal, which means I'm not ugly (Maybe a 5 or 6 out of 10) and I'm also not looking messy or something like that. Actually, I do a lot of running and hit the gym, so I look a bit sporty, but not much.

My hope is that noFap will cure my brain and give me the power to reconquer my life.

By the way: I've quit weed 8 months ago, so this is no longer a problem

 

No, I'm not religious nor will I be in future.

 

Thank you