I am hoping this helps...

Hello. I found this site by a really circuitous route and for a number of reasons that actually don't include an addiction to porn, or even viewing porn.

While I don't downplay the seriousness of addiction to porn (internet or print), I just don't seem to have that issue. To be sure, I have viewed porn in the past ... the past being many years ago. And I don't claim to be immune from the possibility, which is why I don't go to sites even now with the issues that have brought me here.

Oddly, I am here because my lady friend (and I) is getting frustrated with my inability to have an orgasm with her during sexual relations. I will admit, she is a bit more "experienced" than I and she is the first time I've ever heard the term, "death grip". So I've been researching the term, and came across a number of sites, this one being the most interesting, so far. I know that my problem is caused by a number of various things (stress in life, weight issues - which I'm actually being successful at combating, and other things) including masturbation in a manner that has "trained" my mind to expect stimulation in a certain way.

After reading a lot of information on this site, I have come to the conclusion that this is part of the problem, and perhaps there is an element of pornography that I play on teh movie screen of my own mind. My ex-wife was adamantly against porn (she had a previous relationship end because of it), but she wasn't very helpful in combating the wanderings of my imagination by meeting certain needs.

Now, I'm in a relationship with someone that want to meet those desires and needs, and I am finding that I have this issue. I am hoping that by doing a 'reboot' I can begin to see improvements, and once I begin to see improvements my subconscious will begin to realize that things still "work" without my "handling" them myself.

So, that's my intro, and I am going to begin my first attempt at a 'reboot' tomorrow afternoon (a few things I need to discuss with my lady first). It will be just a week, and hopefully I will experience something positive. If not, I don't plan on giving up, but do plan on extending things another week.

Wish me luck!

 

Talk went fine. I am quite fortunate to have her in my life at the moment considering everything that's going on.

She's the one that pointed out the "death grip" issue, so she is really on board with me trying to figure this out and solve it.

It does help that usually, because of where we each live and work, we aren't able to see each other but once or twice a week. Which is why when something comes up like it did today, it kinda sets my mood lower since I won't be hanging out with her again until next week, most likely.

As for the weight issues, I've lost 15 pounds in the last couple months. It's difficult, but I think I'm getting a handle on it. I've done the weight loss thing before and had it come off much faster than it is this time (which is frustrating) but I keep telling myself that at least the trend line is downward... if it takes another 6-9 months to get to my goal, that's okay.

Same with this "performance" issue. It might take a couple months (or more), but I do believe there will be improvements along the way that I can hang onto as progress.

 

Nah, not getting you wrong. Yeah, the weight struggle is a WAY more familiar one with me than the DE/RE thing (with a side of ED thrown in for good measure) ... in fact, this whole thing is so out of "character" for me. My first wife used to complain, "you're ALWAYS ready!" Of course, she was never ready - HA!

I do think that this is where the "Death grip" began, too. I had to take matters into my own hand (pun intended) but if she knew, she would have been truly upset about it for various reasons that made no sense based on her actions (or lack thereof)

Well, here I am, yet another evening, and still fighting the good fight.