30 days - driven by heartbreak

So I've made it to 30 days for the 3rd time in putting together a streak. Yes! My current record is 34 if that means anything. I look to do this one day at a time regardless of counters or streaks.


I do feel better about myself on a physical, mental and spiritual level for sure. I won’t go on about the supposed superpowers and benefits because I’m sure you all know about them already. What I will say though is that my headaches have lessened, much stronger morning wood, much more motivation – though that comes and goes – have ambitions to set up new businesses and new avenue streams of income and on Monday I’m taking on my most ambitious adventure to date: I’m going to tour Hong Kong and China for much of September, taking in HK/Macau/Shanghai/Beijing/Xian/Chengdu/Shenzhen with a probable stopover in Dubai for a few days with a close family friend.


But a couple of weeks ago I was in Budapest for a press trip to cover a festival and met a girl. Not just any girl though.


This girl rocked my world and blew me away like I’ve never felt before. She was the most kindest, sweetest, considerate girl you could ever meet. She was very beautiful inside and outside, always complimenting me, always after my attention, looking for any opportunity to speak to me.


From the moment I met her at the hotel lobby when we shook hands we peered into each other’s eyes for a few seconds, but it felt as though time and space had stood still for this one moment. It’s almost as though our souls had seen familiar, kindred spirits. We were both quiet with one another at first, but as time gradually went by, the two of us opened up to one another. It wasn’t so much that we shared the same sort of things in common, but more about the emotional connection we had. She was heavily into mindfulness and is a yoga teacher. It’s almost as though she got me as a person, finishing off my sentences, knew my thought patterns and what I’m all about.


By the second day, she became very touchy feely with me and at times brought out her naughty side especially for me, where I was putting my hands that hinted I was interested. We shared so much together and thought there might be a holiday romance, but alas when she told me she had a boyfriend back home in Vienna, my heart sank.


You know that Simpsons episode where Bart has his heart ripped out by a girl he has a crush on in a dream sketch, to which she says, “You won’t be needing this” before kicking it into a waste bin? That’s pretty much how I felt at that point.


I’m a delicate soul. But for so long I kept denying it by just saying that I bruised easily. But there’s no point denying it, I’m as sensitive as they come. By the last day I was in tears, knowing I was going to lose her as we live in different countries. I’m from London, she’s from Vienna. So I saw a psychiatrist in Budapest and a girl who dealt with spirituality and they both told me the same thing – dare to risk it all and tell her how you feel. I was petrified I’d lose her forever.


The next morning I got a text from her saying to come and meet her for breakfast and to say goodbye. It was now or never. So I rushed down barely awake and told her how I felt. She just wanted to be friends because she was taken. But she told me she wanted to stay in touch and that she’d really miss me that we were also in her words ‘the best of friends’. I’d been friend-zoned. Great.


Well what else could I do? I went back to my hotel room and wept for about half an hour. When I got home, a friend called me and said that she was the right girl at the wrong time. He totally hit the nail on the head.


Over the days that have gone by, I’ve seen my mentor and said that we have something so beautiful and pure together and who knows what might happen in the future. She said to stay in touch with her and keep it moving from there. My mentor also said that we’re part of the same soul group who are very compatible with one another but that you should also let go of emotion and let the law of attraction do its work.


I’ve been reading The Secret book, about asking the universe what you want. It’s all about positivity and believing that what you want will come to you eventually. Your thoughts manifest your actions, which convey the way you transmit yourself to the world.


This trip to China couldn’t have happened at a better time. I can make a clean break from everything, in a whole new country and culture and come back home with a clean slate. I’ve also decided that on the plane there, I’m going to write down the things I want in my life and let go of them. Just forget about them. I believe that life has a funny way of attracting the things you want if you’ve got the right attitude and mindset.


As I’m writing this, the events of Budapest has very much been a catalyst to progress as far as no PMO is concerned. There are plenty of things I still need to improve on like my lethargy and motivation. Sure I was left heartbroken, but I won’t let it defeat me. Maybe looking back it was the best outcome. Do I want to attempt to have sexual intercourse with a girl and find that I have a dick that won’t get up? I still need to recover after all.


In the future you never know. But in the meantime, I have a suitcase to pack. Bon Voyage!

 

Thanks - right now my moods are all over the place. I don't know whether to cry uncontrollably, scream or be super angry. But a part of me also says this is all part of the reboot process to feel emotions, to feel real human connections. This is all a test of my strength of character, resolve and if I can get through 90 days.

I should be excited and over the moon to be travelling to Hong Kong tomorrow!!! But I almost don't care. Obviously I do because I've spent 9 months planning this, but my mood doesn't reflect that..

 

Thing is though, we were very spiritually in tune with one another. I'm not trying to make excuses or justify anything here, but we picked up on each other's vibes, senses and intuition. I think my body and soul misses that on a cellular and psychological level. When you meet someone that's on your wavelength like that, it's a special, special feeling.

We are still in touch a little bit actually and I definitely want her in my life rather than lose her forever.

 

I agree with you a little bit but I think the secret and the law of attraction has a lot of truth, wisdom and knowledge when applied properly. Right now I'm in Hong Kong and have been taking in all the sights, pretty tired as it has been a long day and also coping with a 7 hour jet lag!