What I learnt from 3 years of trying nofap ( best streak 171 days no MO and 114 days no Porn

This nofap journey has been a life changing experience for me.

Back ground: I've just graduated Highschool , I've still got my exams to do soon! I came to Australia from Thailand when I was 9 years old with my mother( she's such an amazing person in my life and has supported me through thick and thin and she has instilled the foundation for me to explore and expand my identity which would result in a more confident me) . I had an abusive father(verbally and emotionally abusive) who we lived with for almost a decade when we arrived in Australia. The constant put downs and questioning of my actions and self worth , took a toll on my self esteem.

I have a mild lisp and when I went to Highschool from year 7-8 a this one guy in particular made fun of my lisp and I would help my self back from talking when that guy was there. The constant worrying and fear of speaking to people when he was around then affected other areas of my life (for example . I'd avoid saying the word beginning with Ss when he was around and later on I held back saying those words with other people. Even when he wasn't around) I developed a stutter from this negative self perception/belief from my step dad and that guy at school.

For those of you who didn't know what stuttering full consists of it's not only just repeating the words over and over , it's much worse than that internally. So basically I'd be having a conversation with someone , how much I stutter depends on who I'm talking to (whether they look abit up tight and authoritative-I'd stutter more or easy going - I'd have an easier time talking) and what specific word that I feel will make me stutter. Then there's the anxiety and fear of stuttering infront of that person or stuttering the word/(s) . There was so much shame around my speech and stutter. The reason I'm adding this in is because when we're watching porn or become addicted to something we're most likely doing it to escape how we're feeling in the present. It was important for me to realize this .

I stumbled upon internet porn at around the age of 11 years old. ( I first saw it when I was like 6 years old but I never saw it again until I was 11) I was a young lad , fascinated by all this beautiful women . At least at the time of 11 years old to 13 I didn't have high speed internet . So it was only pictures.

Then when I was around 14 , we got high speed internet. That moment looked like a gift from the gods as I could play multiplayer video games with better internet and I could watch more Porn(P)
I kept needing to watch more P , my P usage escalates from pictures to hours upon hours of videos after videos. (If you've made it this far in my post thank you ) My relationships with people started to deteriorate because I was developing more anxiety around people. This anxiety from porn use coupled with stuttering and my reaction to my speech, made me become very shy and very needing to please people. But then....

There is a light at the end of the very dark and foggy tunnel. I found a blogger on the Internet by the name of Mark Manson , he writes articles of self help advice, emotional intelligence , how to set boundaries etc . I'd recommend him to anyone and everyone. I found out through him that P and Masturbation/ Orgasm(MO) wasn't benefiting people at all and that there were so many people who are trying to quit PMO or at least reduce their usage of it. So I decided to give it ago( I was very intrigued by the benefits that other people were getting e.g. "Super powers" )

The first few weeks I could only go maybe 1 or 2 days and then I'd relapse. I also felt withdrawal symptoms like anxiety and even a panic attack in the class room ( not severe but it was bad enough for it to overwhelm me)
Then a few months went by I reached around the 1 or 2 week mark then I'd relapse into the abyss of P. I'd regret it later on. At least I was making some progress and I was starting to see the benefits.

Fast foward to year 11 about over a year of nofap. I was starting to become more confident and sociable, I decided to quit playing rugby league (I'd been playing for around 5 years) because I didn't enjoy it for how much physical and mental pain it caused me. I told my step dad I wasn't going to play any more. He did the old guilt trip to make me feel bad for stoping the things he'd wanted me to do. I held my ground and did what was best for me and that was to stop playing rugby league. I started part time work at a general store(which was my step dad's idea) . I started going to Self defense classes.

Fast forward about 3/4 of a year. My mum , step dad and I. Had to move out from our then current home in September 2015. We then moved around abit until we got into a stable caravan park.

It was from this moment where I started to diversify my identity. By going to Yoga classes, boxing class, ab and core class, went to a table tennis club at the age of 17 years old. I started doing things that I enjoyed and loved. I started to change how I saw the world and my self ( I've read a lot of books on stuttering and a lot of self help articles) so when I changed these 2 aspects I started to change from someone who held him self back from talking to someone who was learning to have respect for himself and others. I decided to run for school captain that year too! Now you have to understand that I went for school captain and knowing full well of the past horrible experiences with my stuttering . I wanted to do it but I wasn't too sure. Luckily my mother was very supportive of my dreams and encouraged me to do it. So I did, I was elected the school captain ( I won by 20 votes ) and I found out that I had a passion for public speaking

I got sponsored by a community group to go on a leadership camp
Someone suggested to me
that I attended toast masters. So I did I started it when I was 17 as well. In behind closed doors I was starting to have a longer nofap streaks from like a lot of times around 27 -35 days. ( No PMO) . I'd already been meditating for about 2 years( on and off) . So I could tell nofap was positively effecting my life by giving me the foundations of self confidence and energy to excel in life.

Fast foward to year 12 . I was school captain, I loved every speech that I got to make. I loved all the experiences that I had gained from learning by reading the principles of getting out of my comfort zone and of emotional intelligence. By mid 2016 I was regularly exercising about 5-6 times a week some days for around 3 hours. I throughly enjoyed the exercise classes I went to such as yoga , boxing, table tennis club, Pilates , and I was representing the school for cross country running. So with all of these positive experiences that I have mentioned sports , public speaking , mediation , yoga, seeking to get out of my comfort zone . I'm proud to say that I barely stutter anymore ( stuttering is a symptom of a deeper cause for me it was low self esteem and a negative perception that people in the world will Judge me) . I feel so confident in my self and my public speaking skills and this is the year that I have gotten the fittest I've ever gotten in my life.

My parents split up after my mum had said she's had enough of his abuse and violence. We stayed with my stepdad for 9 years. Fast forwarding to today I'm soooo grateful to have found nofap and having begun the journey of becoming my own inspiration and inspiring other people as well( they tell me that )

In conclusion . Fast forward to today I turned 18 less then a month ago. I have changed the way I saw my self from someone who held himself back and was shy to express himself to becoming one of the most out going and confident person I know. This is only the big over view of my life I have gained more lessons than this but I realize this is getting extremely long. I actually want to write a book one day so maybe you'll be able to catch more of my story in depth. For now this is what I have to share with you beautiful people. Keep on working hard towards your goals of nofap and follow any dreams/ passions you may have.

If you'd like to message me please do so for further information or questions. Thank you for reading my story.

 

Thank you so much

 

Yes tha

yes thank you. I'm trying to get rid of this PMO habit and continue on living out my life as best as I can and to inspire people to do the same

 

Appreciate the kind words . Yea I'll write the book and share it with the world

 

Thank you Larry ! Yea it's been great to build a new identity for my self that is confident and expressive and not an identity that holds me back .

 

I'm glad you got something out of it man ,I certainly did ! Thx

 

Thank you !!

 

Th

thank you for your kind words

 

Th

ank you so much for the reply , let's change our lives on day at a time and over years we will say drastic improvements! Understanding the problem and how to deal with the cause and just not the symptoms is important as well. It's great that we're both able to be aware of that concept