I'm confused about why I do the things I do

If it's any comfort, a lot of have gone down the road this addiction leading us into genres that we find objectionable. I to got heavily into the transgendered person thing starting a couple years ago. It had gotten to the point in the last year that it was tho only thing that could get me off. It didn't make much sense at the time, because being in my 40s, I'd never been attracted to that sort of thing in the past 30 years. Now that I see the pattern that led me there, I feel played like a deck of cards. Whatever you do, don't feel ashamed. It is such a common pattern, that pretty much all of us (maybe different genres) have fallen into. Just try to look at it objectively: this addiction has made me do what seems to be human nature (when presented with super-human stimuli) , based on all of our experiences here. No doubt it's an emotional roller coaster, but the fact you're here means you're figuring things out and taking action.

 

@Changemywaysnow please do not feel like you are alone in your suffering. I too had my addiction degrade to the point of looking at transgendered person and gay porn. Now that i've been off porn for 42 days (and indefinitely this time) those thoughts come up less if at all. What you describe in all of your issues is basically looking to lust as some form of solution to your problem of not being happy, which as you know is only a temporary fix. 42 days ago I was in the same position, 42 days later I have learnt so much more about myself and life than ever.

Start here: http://yourbrainonporn.com/1-year-simple-tip-which-will-guarantee-success-0

 

I will read the article. I think I might hire you Oneness as my coach.You are doing what is but a dream to me.

 

I just got fed up of being a below average human being. You can do it too if you can face your demons.

Within my semen/sexual force is a potent energy and keeping it has given me a new lease of life, a renewed me. It allows me to face the challenges of the day, the challenges within me. Why would I give up that? Just commit for a period of time to give up lust in all forms like the article prescribes and you will start to stop looking to the outside for happiness.

 

The past is history. You have made the vow to change, that's better than being blind to your addiction.