It took me five months, but I finally got 30 days.

Hello NoFap community,

These past five months have been some of the most challenging in my life, but I finally did it: 30 days PMO, P, and P-sub free. What a journey, and I'm looking forward to keeping it going strong.

Here's what worked for me:

• Don't beat yourself after a lapse. Routine behaviors are hard to change. Very, very hard to change. For many of us, PMO has been in our lives since early adolescence, and now, some 10, 15, 20, or 25 years later, we're trying to undo that behavior. It is going to be challenging, and you will make mistakes along the way. It's like learning an instrument; you're going to sound bad before you sound good. Be kind to yourself. Remember, you are doing this for your own personal well-being.
• Learn from your lapses. Lapses are painful. When I have lapsed in the past, I have felt like a failure, and I have been hopeless about the likelihood of ever getting free of PMO addiction. But, in every lapse there is a lesson to be learned. What triggered you to PMO? What self-control did you imagine you had, that you in fact no longer had? What limits do you need to set on yourself? How can you prevent that lapse from happening next time?
• Do whatever it takes. I have an internet filter, phone restrictions, and accountability software that I manage with my wife. Sometimes, yes, it feels like I'm a child whose internet accessibility is being managed. But, when I realize that I am the one who started this journey, I can see that I am in complete control. Limit setting is an important aspect of being a mature and responsible adult. My limits are not binding, but liberating.
• Get spiritual. Use technology, but use spirituality as well, however you choose to define it. Technology only serves the ends of those who create it. Get in touch with your values. Why do you want to quit PMO in the first place? What do you want out of life? How do you want to show up in the world on a daily basis? My success to date is born out of using technology to my own spiritual ends.
• Stay connected. Remain constantly engaged in this community and other communities that support you. Even when nobody responds to your posts, keep coming back. Read other posts and comment on them. I have found a lot of support in a local twelve-step group as well. Keep coming back to the reason you wanted to do this in the first place.
• Be proud, but stay humble. Own your successes, but don't let your success go to your head. Even as I write this, I know that I need to remain vigilant about feeling as though I've "beat this." This is no time for resting on my laurels. There is never a time for resting on your laurels. Stay awake. Check in with yourself about your spiritual condition. Are you heading in the right direction? Or are you making the little excuses and giving yourself the little permissions that will lead you back to PMO?

I know that I still have very strong addictive tendencies. By many estimates, I haven't even had all that much of a success: I am not MO abstinent, but I am okay with that. I am PMO, P, and P-sub abstinent, and I intend to stay that way. Do what works for you and accords with your values and your purpose for being here.

-Slingshot

 

Appreciate the kind feedback, @TheFutureMe and @Afin!