Hi everyone, I first started watching pornography and masturbating when I was about 15 years old. I'm now 30 and would desperately like to kick the habit. I've already been reading the NoFap forums for about a week but today I decided to take the plunge and join. I discovered pornography when the internet started to become commonplace in homes during the late 1990s. At the same time I found my older brother's collection of pornography and I used this secretly when he was out. Looking back I think I was naive and a late developer because I remember that what was taught during sex education didn't interest me at all. Lots of the other boys talked openly to each other about masturbating and watching pornography. However I had been looking at pornographic magazines for several months and thought masturbation was simply getting an erection. I didn't enjoy school at all and was bullied throughout primary school and periodically at high school. As a result I became shy and withdrawn with no close friends. My experiences at school have left me with low self esteem and I find it difficult to socialise. I also suffer with generalised anxiety disorder and panic attacks so I haven't got a job at the moment. I've never had a girlfriend or noticed girls showing an interest in me. After masturbating to pornography I often feel dirty and ashamed as soon as I have climaxed. I would like nothing more than to settle down with a nice girl. I know I'm a decent caring person but my low self esteem makes me strongly believe that I'll never meet someone. I often think that I might as well masturbate to pornography because nobody wants me and I'm just satisfying natural urges. On the other hand I think pornography is a really bad, disgusting and dirty habit which I should be ashamed of. My anxiety does make things difficult but I'm determined to overcome my problems. I'm also going through a difficult time in my life because my dad is terminally ill. He has had leukemia for a little over a year and is unlikely to live for more than a few months. Once I have got through this time in my life I would really like to tackle my confidence and socialising issues. I've written a lot more than I had planned and I do feel ashamed and embarrassed about what I've put. So far I've managed 7 days without looking at pornography or masturbating and my next target is 2 weeks. I plan to start a journal on here and I will also add more to this thread later. Thanks for reading, Mike
hey there, First i would like to say welcome to this community and congratulations on reaching 7days! The one thing i would like to tell you even though some people here might not agree is that don't feel depressed and ashamed after masturbation as there is nothing to be ashamed of as every body does that including all the people you might put on pedestal. That being said masturbation does suck lot of energy from you making you lazy and less confident especially when done frequently and with a negative tag attached to it. So finally I would like to congratulate you on your 7 days and a small peace of advice which is promising yourself to read at least one post before you masturbate, and be strong. take care
Thank you for the warm welcome and advice. Making a promise to read at least one post when I feel like masturbating is a really good idea. I've always been very secretive about masturbating and pornography which I think is a big part of why I feel it is something to be ashamed of. I don't even know if it's legal to watch hardcore pornography online in the UK? My lack of sexual experience means that I have no idea what a normal sex life is like and what things women enjoy. Is masturbating a common thing in society and do women enjoy doing it as well? What kind of sex acts do women enjoy and what is taboo? The sex acts that I think I would enjoy are the missionary position, doggy style, cowgirl, and receiving oral sex. I'm not interested in anal sex and I'm not very keen on the idea of giving oral sex either. Is anything other than the missionary position something to be frowned upon? Do people not do the other sexual positions and acts in a loving relationship? I'd really appreciate it if people could help with these questions based on their own experiences. Take care, Mike
