Lost My Virginity; Nothing like PMO

Hello all,

23 male. I recently joined nofap. I've been with my girl friend for about a year now. It started very poorly (my introductory post has all the details) but over time our relationship has gotten better so very slowly. But is has improved. I joined NoFap because I wanted to quit PMO partly for her (she considers it cheating) and partly for myself. I believe I shouldn't be staring or fantasizing about other girls and I wanted to fix my problem but realized I was addicted.

We are regularly intimate but physically getting it in was challenging for both of us. As it became closer to fitting in, I realized slowly that I did not have the erection I should have. I blamed it on the condom. I blamed the fact that men get excited faster than women. While hiding from her I tried installing website blockers for myself but would navigate around from them. I would PMO when I got home from a long day at school.

Two weeks ago I started nofap and hard mode because I accepted I had PIED. My partner worked it out of me that I was having difficulty kicking PMO on my own. Because she considers it cheating I was worried she was going to leave me but I was surprised to see her being supportive of me. After joining NoFap I set a goal of hardmode till the new year.

Two weeks go by. We would see each other but I avoided intimacy because I wanted to stay on track towards my goal. Upon making this goal she decided to join me. I didn't think it was fair to keep her from being pleasured but she wanted join me in the reboot.

My 75 day hard mode failed yesterday when we were together. It had been a while since we just spent time together. I had read about Karezza (WTF?!?!?! who can honestly explain how it works) and thought about it trying it's ideas with her. This was difficult to do and we both found ourselves getting very excited.

During my days of PMO I would get excited with her initially but my erection would die quickly when the clothes came off and it came time for business. Yesterday started off similar. I found myself erect but as she began undressing my pants I found myself more sensitive.

Holy shit was I terrified. I was so worried that this intimacy was a test. I was worried she was testing my performance to see if I had really abstained for the past two weeks. Although I was nervous I found things working better down there. It certainly wasn't back to square one and I'm glad.

So I lost my virginity and it was nothing like PMO! It was akward. In missionary I felt like I was just collapsed on her. Kissing her was hard because my lips were in line with her eyebrows. I wasn't rock hard. I was worried if I slipped out I wouldn't be able to fit back inside. I didn't bring her to orgasm. When I'd pull myself too far back she painfully tightened around me. When I was ready to orgasm I was too worried about not releasing inside her that I didn't really enjoy my orgasm. Compared to other orgasms it was less than mediocre. We've had better orgasms together using my hand but when I pulled out and made a mess she cried. I wouldn't call it joy but I think she was crying because she thought I was someone who didn't find her attractive enough and that I was someone who was too far lost in the fake world of PMO.

I've had better orgasms. But maybe that's how it's supposed to be. I'm glad it was nothing at all like PMO. There's something really special about just being with her. It's really special in part because it's not incredible and my eyes aren't rolling into the back of my head. I'm quitting PMO and so I don't want anything to remind me of it. So I'm glad that losing my virginity was really awkward and uncomfortable.

So now, I'll continue going PMO free. For the past two weeks I've read about peoples PMO free goals, 30 days, 60 days, 90 days. etc. But the more I've read the more I realize that 90 days is just the beginning. We've decided to be intimate every other week till New Years to see how my progress in recovery goes. Although I performed better than before kicking PMO I still have to reverse some ten years of this fake world of sexuality.

Thank you for reading and for the support you give to myself, yourself, and nofap.

 

That had been on my mind and was part of the reason I was trying to avoid her. i feel like I'm juggling between pleasuring her and breaking my habits. I ike to think I'm not subbing sex for porn but i must remain thoughtful about it.