Alright! thanx for having me, thought I was on my own, here is my story.

Hey Pedro
Welcome
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First off let me just say welcome to the forum and thank you for being vulnerable enough to post your story. Admitting you have a problem and can’t fix it on your own is the first step on the road to recovery. I know that isn't easy to do. Our pride gets in the way and we want to think that we can handle this addiction on our own. So reaching out and admitting it and recognizing you can't do it on your own is key.

I’m recovering from PMO as well as sex addiction. I used to use other people as well as prostitutes and escorts just like you. In my situation, I had to work at cutting out P as well as M. When I would M then I would also use fantasies in my mind (P scenes I watched in the past, people I was with, coworkers, etc.). That's the difference between this addiction and say alcoholism. For an alcoholic, they need to get out and get the object of their addiction. For us, we have a library of images, videos, scenes, people, etc. in our mind that we can call up at any time or simply create a new fantasy or scenario in our mind and use as a porn substitute to feed the addiction. For me I couldn't M without it affecting my fantasy and thought life so I made the decision not to because M lead to fantasies which lead to P which lead to acting out with other people. See how I had to trace the problem back to root issues?

Second, don't beat yourself up too much in the journey to be sober. Shame is crippling and keeps us bound to the addiction. There will be times of falling down but the key is to get back up and keep racing. In a marathon if you fall, you don't have to go back to the starting line. You simply get back up and keep racing. An alcoholic can't have even a little drink and most will avoid going to bars all together as result. The same is true for us. We can't even look at a few images and shouldn't be looking at anything that might cause us to stumble and head down that path. What do I mean by that? For me, I will advert my eyes when a Victoria Secret commercial comes on or if I'm watching a movie with my wife, I will close my eyes if there is a bedroom scene. Why? Because I have no tolerance built up anymore and they will trigger me. If I look at those images, they are like porn substitutes for me now. My tendency will be to take those images in, store them, bring them back up later, start to replay them in my mind, etc. That kind of thing leads me to start fantasizing which as I said leads me to porn and so on. You need to learn what your triggers are and nip them in the bud before you even start down the path.

Another thing that was tough for me is that I desperately wanted to feel like I was "cured" or "healed" from this addiction. For year I would act out, get caught by my wife and then go into this scared straight mode where I was so scared of her and getting caught that quit all of the PMO. For awhile. Then things would die down, I would start to relax, let me guard down, feel like I wasn't really tempted anymore. Feel like maybe I had this thing beat. That I was cured. And I'm sure you know what comes next. I let down my guard and soon I'm slowly heading down that path. Just a little at first. And then a little more and more and soon I'm feeling tremendous guilt and shame and have self-loathing. Now I can't tell anyone what I'm doing because I feel bad about myself and feel like such a horrible person. It's that secrecy and isolation that keeps the addiction thriving. Trying to do it on your own so no one knows of your problem. It only makes it worse. As I said earlier, the shame that comes from our acting out can be crippling.

My hero, Dr. Brene Brown has this to say about shame and isolation:

“I think shame is lethal,” she says. “I think shame is deadly. And I think we are swimming in it deep.”

Brown explains that feelings of shame can quietly marinate over a lifetime. “Here’s the bottom line with shame,” she says. “The less you talk about it, the more you got it. Shame needs three things to grow exponentially in our lives: secrecy, silence, and judgment.”

By keeping quiet, Brown says your shame will grow exponentially. “It will creep into every corner and crevice of your life,” she says.

The antidote, Brown says, is empathy. She explains that by talking about your shame with a friend who expresses empathy, the painful feeling cannot survive. “Shame depends on me buying into the belief that I’m alone,” she says.

Here’s the bottom line: “Shame cannot survive being spoken,” Brown says. “It cannot survive empathy.”

This speaks to the need of being able to talk to someone that can express empathy in order to kill the shame that comes from addiction. Hopefully myself and others on here can lend you that empathetic ear and let you know that it's ok if and when you fall down. But, only as long as you get back up, dust yourself off and keep on fighting and keep on going! You can't give up or quit trying. Instead, look at what you did wrong and come up with a plan of what to do next so it won't happen again. Make sense?

 

Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and not judge you. I have a question for you, given your PMO issue and your SA issue, exactly how is having a sex partner helping you?

 

Welcome and get ready for a battle of a life time we are all here because WE realized OURSELVES that we need to change. The fact that you realize you have a problem and that you are committed to changing is already a huge step. Think of the Millions of people who go about their daily lives doing what you just described and consider it normal and are uninterested in changing at all. The fact that you want to change and the reason you want to change is already a huge progress. Wish you success!

 

In your introduction, you mentioned objectifying women, are you not doing that by having someone who's purpose is to satisfy you sexually? Could it be that you are using her as life-like porn? Whenever you need a fix, instead of watching P, you reenact P and just like P, once you have O, you are done with her. Although it is true, having sex with person is better than substituted sex with PMO, as you will read from so many journals it's the reason you are having sex that matters more than the fact you are having you are having sex with a woman.

Currently, what are other strategies for combating the enemy called PMO that you are using?

 

Thank you for clarifying. I was only going by what have previously shared.

Check out In Case You Didn't Know for strategies and tips to help you along your journey.