I don't normally do this...

I've been using forums for years, but normally I'm a lurker so this is a first for me.

Anyway, I'm here because I've been trying to stop PMO for the last 2 years. I came across the NoFap through Bodybuilding.com forums in September 2011. I then watched the yourbrainonporn videos, and something clicked. For years I had been masturbating up to 4/5 times a day and never thought anything really wrong with it, I thought it was healthy. But when I came across NoFap, it seemed to be the cause for all my problems. I remember being in primary school as one of the brightest and popular kids. Then I went through secondary school, college and university with few friends, social anxiety, no girlfriends, sex or even kissing. I felt that my porn habits were the cause of my problems so I began my first streak. The first few times went ok, sometimes getting into double digits.

I started my major streak in christmas 2011. However, I decided to reward myself with a prostitute. I had previously lost my virginity to a prostitute in Amsterdam 18 months ago. I thought of the escort as a reward for NoFap, and carried on my streak, visiting another escort a few weeks later. I managed to carry this nofap streak on for 70 days with the two escort visits. I also viewed some porn during this time and edged a little. However, I remember feeling amazing 2 months into the streak, very confident in clubs and with friends.

Since March 2012, I've struggled to make any significant streaks. Additionally, I started visiting prostitutes (I've probably visited 10 since I started Nofap). After relapsing, I've always found myself binging and my tastes always get more extreme. A year ago I succumbed to temptations after viewing transwoman porn, by visiting my first transwoman escort. I remember feeling disgusted after my orgasm and left 15 minutes into a 1 hour booking. 6 months later, feeling horny, I joined a gay casual encounters website, and set up a meet with an unattractive local gay man. I felt disgusted after this experience too. I mainly regret these homosexual experiences because I know that I'm not gay. I don't find men attractive, only see it as a way of release. And I always feel massive regret after an encounter. Unlike after a female prostitute where I feel on top of the world (I realise this is a major problem too however).

So I'm here now looking to finally stop this bad habit and turn my life around. I'm a smart person with a good degree who everyone expects to do well. And I reckon I can if I sort my habit out so that I can regain confidence in my self and be more motivated and social too. I also know that if I fail I will waste my life away in an underpaid position doing something I hate.

Thanks if you've gotten this far. I never write on these forums, so didn't know how much of a relief it is to talk about things I've always kept bottled up. I am looking for an accountability partner who can help me overcome my addiction.

Thank You.

 

Wow thanks so much for the hospitality guys. I feel so much more determined now. I didn't realise how different it feels to be part of the community than just reading other people's posts. I think this will be the one