Hi all. Would appreciate your advice. I have been heavily addicted to porn over the years. Kicked the habit four years ago. My partner caught me getting off one day and having gone through a tough patch things are good again. My partner allows me to get myself off while watching her from above or behind. She has a fab body. Sometimes we get each other off. The dopamine rush doing this is crazy and I now find myself getting addicted to this, preferring it to penetrative sex. Lately I notice that while I watch her and massage her I find myself close to cumming without touching of myself. Lots of precum flows and I am convinced I would cum if I kept going with what I'm doing. (on a separate note, I can also do this if I close my eyes and think about something erotic - have tried to cum but get worn out by what's like 10 dry orgasms - sometimes all this happens by itself involuntarily without any premeditated thoughts - was fun for a while but it's not nice losing control of your body like that). My question to you is if my desire to look at my partner's genitalia is something I should worry about. The urge is massive and I completely lose myself when I do it and have powerful climaxes. My partner is fully ok with this once I stay away from computer porn. At least that is what she tells me. Is this bad for our relationship also? We're both in our late 30s and have 2 young kids.
I don't know man. It seems like this might be the beginnings of a new arousal addiction, just like porn. Because, just like porn, you are taking yourself out of the sexual experience and putting yourself into an observational position. It would probably just be best if you stop both porn and watching your partner. The best thing I can say would be to have sex odor have her perform a sexual activity to you, so that you just sit back and watch. It might be a way to get you integrated into the sexual experience, but also enjoying the view. Then gradually get into being more sensation oriented, rather than a visual thing. Just an option.
I guess it sounds like youre viewing her as porn meat, which is likely not healthy. Because her beauty will eventually fade and youll find that you dont have a foundation of real intimacy to keep things going well. She's also the mother of your kids, so you owe it to them now to love her in the right way, not the porn way (imo). I dont know what your goals are Pickle, but i'm trying to purge the entire porn 'mentality' that views people as essentially meat to be devoured for my pleasure. It's like cannibalism; by completely consuming people - cut up, cooked, chewed and left as shit - we somehow feel better about ourselves; it's a conquest and we take on their energy. But in the end, it's all a false power - a fantasy - which leaves us alone and miserable.
I was afraid you would say that. Thanks for both your replies. I guess when I get lost it could be any woman's body parts that I am looking at. This is a tricky one and the opportunity is always there a few inches away. My partner is not great at initiating which I think is contributing to where I visit... Will have to think about it.
Back again to get my head around this. Thanks for advice. If I PMO to porn or even look forward to doing so I get a full on dopamine rush. Member gets hard and leaks. Likewise if I plan on getting off on my partner, getting her into the right pose that achieves the max dopamine rush, again rock hard and leaking with no M required. Huge O when I do M. If my partner and I just cuddle, which is nice, and then M each other and have full sex to O, no matter how good it is, I never experience the dopamine buzz. My question is should I experience it? It would be good to know what is normal. Thanks again.
I don't think you should do that stuff man. Possibly just take a break from all of it for a while. Maybe 30 days. Tell your partner that you won't M, watch P or her, or do anything sexual. It might be tough, but it won't kill you. Then, after the 30 days, just try having good ol' fashion sex with her. You'll be amazed at how good it feels naturally and you will be more connected to her, rather than getting connected with your dopamine rush.
Yeah, sex shouldn't be about a dopamine rush, especially if you have a wife. I think you should not m or p or anything for a while, set yourself a small goal. That's just my opinion.
Like others have said, it depends on your goals, but I should think having an addiction to your wife is completely natural, wholesome, and exactly what sexuality is for. You're supposed to enjoy each other. This is assuming that she's happy with what you're doing together, that you're truly interacting with her (not leaving the scene in your mind and pretending she's someone else) that you're giving her compliments, listening, reciprocating, and treating her like a whole person in general. There's no one right way to do it, and there's no one right way to feel. It's about what's conducive to solidifying your bond. So, I would say, communicate with her about what's okay and don't look further for approval. It's important to her emotional health that you find her attractive, and there's one way to express that attraction. If you're worried that what you're doing resembles porn, well, porn was made to be a poor substitute for exactly this. It'd be like assuming that fresh fruit from your own garden must be unhealthy just because it tastes like candy. Silly. Porn is bad because it's selfish and exploitative, but, you're tending to the greenery here, right? Pulling the weeds and cultivating new growth? (long metaphor okay) Offering yourself in return? All things in moderation, and communicate, communicate, communicate, but, really, if your wife is happy, and your relationship is solid in other ways, you're probably good.
Alex07, I have to respectfully disagree. As long as the love lasts, her beauty will not fade, ever. The foundation renews the facade. See a senior couple holding hands, you don't know what they look like to each other, but I promise it is pleasant in their eyes. Better give mom and dad their privacy too. They'll make good use of it.
if i were you i would eliminate porn but when it comes to your partner if she's good with it and enjoys the "watching each other thing"as much as you do than why not, thats kind of one of the benefits of partners isn't it? having said that if you find yourself treating her like a porno than maybe you should consider discussing that with her to see how she feels.
Thanks guys. Still in the process of trying to work out what is normal or not. This is more for the married men out there. Is it unusual to ask your wife/partner to give you an O with her hand or by having a quickie? All very mechanical. It never gives me a dopamine rush but I ask when I'm under pressure and my partner is too tired or whatever. Furthermore, is it a bad idea to ask for relief by this way when doing a challenge?
Hi again. Another reason I prefer these alternatives to straight sex is because my partner's internal walls wouldn't be that tight. Not much sensation. How does one bring something like that up with their partner and what can be done about it. Thanks.
Looking at these last few posts of mine. Kinda shows my obsession with my partner's p. Doesn't read very well or look very good. I get very blinkered thinking.
nah man. I think you've got things exactly where they should be. your partner is the one that should be satisfying these urges and pleasuring you. it's what comes with a healthy relationship - if you find yourself in the position you are in, GOOD. this is where we should be aiming to be, a lot of us are prefering P to our partners, and that sucks. but if you've managed to channel that into a healthy relationship with your lover, then you've won the game. you've won. it's okay
but that's the whole problem with porn. our minds are treating it like a real human, and wiring our brains as if we've had an actual real relationship. this guy's effectively corrected it. if he's getting off to his woman, then that's awesome
I Think If you tell her your position she would help you in your struggle. Show her this group if you have not already. She could be a huge asset in your goals.There is nothing better than an accountability buddy who is also a partner, friend, lover, and mother of your children.
