Hi all, I know this is quite a common thread now in terms of guys seeking help but like so many others afflicted with this I feel I cannot reach out to anyone I actually know in person. I'll try keep it fairly brief and concise: I have always been attracted to women and have never been attracted to men in the sense of having a romantic relationship with one or being turned on by men. I also only ever watched straight porn for years, however one particular piece of gangbang porn led me to become obsessed with it at about age 15. Eventually I imagined myself being the woman. I had sex with many women after that over the years but whenever I was alone in the house I would watch this particular piece of porn and imitate the woman using bananas, carrots, or whatever and put on women's clothes etc. Eventually I purchased dildos and did it with those whilst wearing a wig and make-up. The only thing that has any appeal is a big cock, not the man attached to the cock. Like most sissy fantasies the appeal is verbal humiliation and large cocks etc. I never gave it much attention as it was always quite temporary but a couple of years ago I discovered the evil that is sissy hypnosis porn and this has really heightened this fetish for me beyond the levels it was before. I know I had it from a young age but now it has been interfering with the sex life I have with my fiancee where sometimes I have to fantasise about being in a forced-bi or gangbang session to cum. I am also plagued by these fantasies way too often now and have even contacted mistresses to arrange sissification and forced bi sessions (which I am ashamed of) only to back out when things got close to happening. I had a complete break from December until a week ago from all porn and was doing really well however a few days ago the fetish somehow pushed itself back into my psyche and it literally felt like a bolt of electricity up my spine when it happened. It was like it broke out of a prison. I think many men share this same fantasy now and I don't know if it is part of some evil agenda (sissy hypno I mean) or if a lot of us as men just have this fantasy. Personally I just want to be free of it and also to let anyone else who has it to know that you're not alone.
Thank you for mentioning this aspect of your path. I can relate to it in a lot of ways. I had progressive to more fetish forms of porn over the last 14 years (especially in the last 5). In the last five years, I got into hypno sissy and forced feminization porn and it became a major subject of desire. After I while, it seemed to be on my mind intermittently as a daily occurrence. I acted on the urges in real life situations but it was not as enjoyable as the actual porn. Even when I was dating women, I would secretly watch this type of porn... which drastically affected my desire for sex. I am trying to change this aspect of my life as well. In the last 34 days, I have MO'd once... after chatting with a gay CD. It is a difficult journey but this challenge should, over time, diminish the potency of those strong fantasies. Then again, I know that I am still trying to figure out what I like. I started MOing (prone) when I was 9 or 10, which affected my interests and abilities to perform even in high school with a girlfriend. I would say that if anything, see what happens after you take porn out of the situation for a few months. That is my theory.
Hi Rocky - you say you acted on the urges in real life, may I ask what you did and how you felt during? Did it feel like you had been tricked by the urges or was it satisfying?
Okay I want to say that when I acted on the urges I did not actually participate in the full range on humiliation expressed in most videos and captions. My experience more or less related to the effect of domination by someone with a d**k in spite of always being (partially) sexually attracted to women. So after a while, I tried dating TS or CD that were also tops. I did not necessarily enjoy the sexual acts but it related to one of the first stages towards that range. It did not turn me on but I could not be a top because of ED (or maybe PIED). It did not feel the same way as a porn that I watched. Then again I never actually went to a domination session that related to feminization, although I did research it. I held myself back from scheduling a session as I felt somewhat uncomfortable with the situation.
I never indulged in sissy porn, but I might be able to relate to your situation somewhat. I was an ERP addict for many years, and due to the simple lack of female writers, I often found myself writing female characters. I found it pretty enjoyable, in fact, to be in complete control of the female lead. However, this has lead to some dissonance when I now try to be physical with my fiance, since so many of my fantasies were written from the female's POV. 'Sex', as I'm used to it, is something I've done at a computer, by myself, from a voyeruistic POV. I feel very strange and a little anxious when I try to have real sex now. However, it doesn't change the fact that I am a straight male. I don't find the male body attractive, and I even tried dating guys to investigate farther. It felt very wrong. For a time I feared I had somehow 'turned myself' transgender, but from my discussions with my therapist and TG individuals, that's not how it works, nor is it the case here. I want a woman in my life, and it sounds like you do too. I believe that you and I have likely wired our brains to be aroused by certain things, and that is in conflict with what the rest of our brain is telling us. We know we want women--it was always that way since puberty started. Overstimulation, and the search for novelty, has lead us to rewire our brains, but I believe that with time and patience, they can be re-wired back to the correct settings. That is what reboot is all about. I know it's difficult rebooting with a fiance. Mine is being patient right now but I fear that 2-3 months of this could be taxing on our relationship. But you are doing this for her, and for yourself, because you both deserve a healthy sex life, and sometimes, that means you need to detox.
I'm still a little unsure about my own situation. To be honest, I started 'dressing up' before I began watching porn. Then again, I had always thought that I was a straight male. So I guess I will see after a reboot.
Some men like to wear women's clothing. Doesn't mean they are gay or trans or anything else. I was pretty surprised to hear that, but it's true. Whatever your own unique sexuality is, try to find it and be comfortable with it. Unfortunately, porn can distort that. It can make you associate certain cues with arousal, as well as anxiety and fear. Sissy hypno porn seems like it uses this to powerful effect. I wish you luck going forward. It won't be an easy road but a solid reboot should help you find who you want to be.
ive had sissy fetish. would have fantasies that a guy is treating me like his slave. i've also acted on it a few times but never enjoyed it. i thought i'd have as much fun as they have in porn movies but that didnt happen. instead i was suicidal after one act as i realized how much my mind was corrupt and destroyed. i hope nopmo helps me.
Thank you for the reply buddy, your situation sounds similar to mine. I have realised also that reading the other responses proves that because we're only seeing porn and not experiencing the tastes and smells and touch etc that we get a really distorted view of these kinds of scenarios. I cannot stand another man touching me nor do actual cocks turn me on in real life. Porn gives you a glorified, edited scene (they actually take hours to shoot) and your mind fixates on something that isn't real. I think this is a lot like all movies where special effects etc create something that appears real and your mind gets drawn into it. We don't see the endless takes and green screens and cameras. I think this is why anyone who acts on this fake reality is quickly brought crashing back down to Earth and left feeling disgusted and ashamed and immediately after often suicidal. I think for men who are actually gay this is not the reaction they have after doing this sort of thing but guy's like us who are Alpha males who have only had sex with women do. I know I am not gay and never have been, and only one or two pieces of porn can trigger this fetish despite the thousands of scenes I have seen in my life. As a Buddhist I use mantras and chants etc to bring my mind back into focus when this hits however if I am particularly stressed at work etc and weakened in general then like most sicknesses they are opportunistic and strike when they can. I know this battle can be won and it affects me less and less. Also, try sissy hypno reversal videos too guys people are putting this out too and they help rewire you in a positive way (if you feel you're about to break and watch a hypno watch one of these instead or nothing at all). Keep fighting the good fight brothers!
I am happy that you brought up the reversal videos. I just began noticing those late last year and tried to use them as a way to deflect the intensity of the other videos. First of all, while they 'seemed to be useful and have a purpose', they were not as potent as the actual sissy hypno videos. Secondly, you are still watching a hypno porn video with an excessive amount of visual stimulants. I am not sure if they are really useful. That is what led me to NoFap and my streak. I had been watching the reversal videos for a few weeks and I eventually tried just one sissy hypno video. The video excited me much more than the reversal videos. That was when I knew that I had to do something else. That was the last time that I PMO'd... about 35 days ago.
I, too, am a little skeptical of the reversal video method. First because of it being an artificial stimulus. The brain pathways have already been strengthened to artificial, pixilated stimulation, so this will keep those pathways present. Second, because the whole reason we got into this mess is because we are constantly looking for more perverse content, stuff that shocks us. I don't see how this would take away the Coolidge effect's power. And because of the fact that abstaining from porn altogether has been proven to work more than anything, I don't see any secondary means as necessary.
Yeah fair enough guys I actually agree that the reversal videos don't provide much stimulus and it is better to go cold turkey.
I am about in the same boat as you. Checked out the reversal videos. Too much stimulus! I am going cold turkey.
Yeah it is the best way I did it for 3 months and you really do experience recovery. Small relapses are common but eventually a full recovery is definitely possible! We just have to remember that none of that hypno stuff is real and it uses tricks to turn you on. Rather than fight against it say to yourself that it's ok and that you accept it as to go against it and treat it as taboo gives it more appeal (forbidden fruit). A complete break from masturbation will probably help too.
I agree with this interpretation. I think that you first need to accept yourself and your journey to this point, without a strong feeling of shame or regret. Things happen over time. But you must try and see these videos as less of a taboo. The thought of a porn taboo only increases the novelty of the genre. This will only increase your curiosity and excitement over watching it. At least this is my reflection of the form. I cannot speak for everyone but I could see how this specific type of porn would make someone more socially awkward, since some people feel that the topic is so taboo that they cannot even discuss it with close friends. This is how a strong taboo can tear a person apart mentally and emotionally (and in this case, physically). I am more than anything speaking about people that keep this a secret, instead of those that use it to make a full lifestyle change. Again, I have to say that it is so refreshing to be able to talk to other people about this. I never discussed this issue fully with anyone else prior to finding this site.
Same for me . I felt very alone with all of this for a long time but to see that there are others who are in the exact same position is really refreshing.
SO much I could share but I think your path is dangerously close to a tipping point. If I can assist or being sounding board PLEASE let me know. I was where you are, I was 14 and my world was totally redirected. I will repost here a reply I just made to a guy in a similar spot: " So, I have a bit of time to respond more fully. Yes, quite a few people here are dealing with what you're dealing with. But understand this: Sissy Porn and definitely Sissy Hypno have a very subversive effect on a vulnerable brain. Why do I know this? Because I was a young teen boy caught up in the VORTEX of ladyboy/transgendered person/trap porn and then wildly absorbed, captured, bound, and held captive by the mental images of sissy hypno. I was young, tiny, and unsure of any male attributes residing in me, and at the most vulnerable time in my young life, I felt I had discovered the TRUTH, the SECRET ELIXER to life, the be all and end all to take away my loneliness and isolation. Why be a tiny, frail, skinny unmasculine unpopular boy all alone? Why not be a sissy? Which led quickly to "Why not be a girl?" Which led even more quickly to "Take hormones, change my body." Perhaps I was predisposed to this --- I am now fully a transwoman (I still have a non-working thingie). Here I sit, at age 22, as a full woman. I am not sure it was the right thing to do BUT I know this: sissy-porn made me curious, sissy hypno validated that it was "ok" to carry out these fantasies in real life. And THAT, that is where the addiction overthrew all natural progression into manhood for me. I abandoned that path, and from age 14/15 onwards devoted my life and being to becoming a woman. These are not just harmless fantasies you're playing with. Be very careful because the path can get to be clear --- so clear that u stop asking any questions at all. I started (illegally) at 14 to do hormones and testosterone blockers so I could not never ever EVER develop man traits. I didn't. So a very young and confused person made a decision for me that I am now re-thinking, many years later. Think about what you are playing with. Maybe most people wouldn't go down the path I went down --- but if you're vulnerable, and confused, and need reinforcement --- you are a candidate for taking my path. So I sit now, and am really asking myself the deepest (and scariest) questions of my life. Do you want that too? Go read my threads: My Intro on "NoFap": https://www.NoFap.com/forum/index.p...acked-my-life-is-it-too-late-to-return.92403/ My Journal on "NoFap": https://www.NoFap.com/forum/index.p...a-transwoman-seeking-peace-and-clarity.92623/ I wish you peace. If you want to discuss any of this, I am available (I am also more confused than almost anyone here,LOL, so maybe we can just chat if needed. I have way more questions than answers as I, too, am only just starting here on NoFap. Jamie xoxox "
