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Depression after wasted time

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Jason Doyle, Mar 1, 2017.

  1. Mar 1, 2017 #1
    Jason Doyle

    Jason Doyle New Fapstronaut

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    Hello,

    Im new here, very embarrassed and depressed inside beyond words, I can not stand the behaviors that I do (as a pattern for the past year, but generally have fapped incessantly since age 15!) it seems each and every night, instead of spending hours with my wife or being productive with new work, I WASTE HOURS navigating porn, seriously HOURS nightky. My habit now consists primarily of me escaping around 11:30m PM to say Im "working", I go into my office fire up my cpu with the "intent" of working only to feel that NASTY , Disgusting, evil pathetic PULL that is porn addiction pull me always from all that is right & pure, and instead of getting ahead on work, or coming up with a new feature that my work can use or my friends can enjoy in software or social networking I WASTE my valuable time with this CRAP!!!! I am NO USELESS!!!!! I Feel pathetic.


    As a remote worker I am at particular risk for being a total loser, I get my work done during the day, but there is ALWAYS a NASTY pull that leads to ultimately a trigger. It may be just 1X a day, but at 45 yrs old, that’s too much time wasted, I have kids, wife and friends I should spend time on, there are soooo many opportunities that I have lost because of this habit!!!


    And not only do I just fap to porn, I navigate, peruse, browse, catalog, index and capture porn for hours, thus during a norm night I will waste around 4-6 hours a night just finding the “right” porn clip to faop to. Its disgusting, I hate myself beyond words and I seriously hate no one on earth more than myself for this cycle I seem to be struck in.


    I need help, anyone or anything who can be there, virtually that can help me in some way. I seriously have wasted atleast 600 hours per month, of my my life, I am so depressed, I need to stop I need someone to say “hey Its possible” I know Ive read it multiple times in forums about “success” stories and they are out there, I just wish that “will” power from those that have been successfull can somehow transfer to stooges/scum like me. If there is a possibility that I can somehow gain inspiration from the insight of those who have squashed this horrid habit before I would be thankful. …or alteast subdue the severity of my habit…. to not be so all consuming. Help.
     
    Jason Doyle, Mar 1, 2017
    Jason Doyle, Mar 1, 2017
    #1
  2. Mar 2, 2017 #2
    Tested

    Tested Fapstronaut

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    Hey you can change. I had a night time addiction that went on and on, leaving my wife alone in bed doing so. Now - I M separated in part due to this addiction. The craving, the acting out even though rationally you know it will hurt you - is addiction. It can never be enough. You and me are addicted to P. Others might be addicted to alcohol. You cannot give an alcoholic a drink. You cannot be near P. Put parental controls on your WiFi, maybe get this set up by your wife, delete all the porn you have saved, get clean now. Then do everything you can to stay clean for one day. Then post here how you feel. Then post again end of day 2. I am on day 30. It is time now to start a new chapter. Think of the energy you will have when you start going to bed at 1130pm and sleeping all night. You can do this. No excuses accepted.
     
    Tested, Mar 2, 2017
    Tested, Mar 2, 2017
    #2
  3. Mar 3, 2017 #3
    ben_nofap_uk

    ben_nofap_uk Fapstronaut

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    Hey @Jason Doyle we're all with you here and know what you're going through. It's real tough, believe me. I was married and the same as you, as soon as my wife had left for work out came my phone or my tablet and on went the porn. I had chores to do during the day, but they got put on the back burner because of my obsession. I am now seperated, this wasn't to do with my porn habit, but it did make it worse as I thought "Well all single guys look at porn, so it's all ok now" And it most definitely wasn't!! A few months into being single again I found I was literally doing NOTHING except watching porn, yes I have a job, but all my spare time was taken up watching this filth. I'd say "No" to my mates inviting me out for a beer, I'd say "Can't make it" to family inviting round for dinner etc.. I knew then that enough was enough, so I took action and joined this site and I also insatalled the NF Companion app on my phone which has been an absolute lifesaver!!! Highly recommend that you get this my friend. But, when you feel the urge and think about watching porn, come here to the forums, read the advice, check out the success stories and post any thoughts you have. You'll feel way better coming here than watching that rubbish, I know I do. I'm 30 days into my streak now and still going strong!!! Wishing you all the best pal, and you can do this :cool:
     
    ben_nofap_uk, Mar 3, 2017
    ben_nofap_uk, Mar 3, 2017
    #3

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