23 Months PMO Free, counting the days to 2 FULL YEARS of FREE LIFE!!!

Dear Fapstronauts:
Today is my 23rd. month since I started my reboot.
I am starting my countdown to two years.
You may have read my story in previous posts, I do not want to bore you repeating again the same things.
i just want to reply the most common questions I get from other Fellow Fapstronauts:

Just to let you know that I keep fighting every day as if it were May 12th. , 2015, the day I discovered I was a PMO addict and decided to throw all that shit away and start my reboot.
Was it painful?
YES
Was it hard?
SUPER HARD
Do I miss PMO?
I do not miss Porn any more. I still miss MO or sex with escorts some days.
Do I feel better?
Of course I do. My life has changed as I could have never imagined before. I just started to realize how sick I was around month 9 of my reboot. I lived in a permanent state of delusion, thinking that i could live that double life: having a family , pretending to be a great husband and father, while I was secretly watching Porn, masturbating and meeting male escorts 3-4 hours every day, during 40 years!!!
How fucked up was that? A LOT
Did I experience withdrawal symptoms?
Yes, a terrible blue ball the first 3 weeks, (BTW, it calms down fast if you fill in your bathtub with hot water and immerse yourself...just be careful not to burn yourself, lol)
I also had big changes of mood the first 2-3 months. I was once in a business meeting in front of 12 people and I started screaming one guy who had made some mistakes. I could not stop and realized I was yelling at him more and more, with everybody watching me. I ended up leaving the room, I hide in the restroom and started crying to wind down.
Do I regret having done this?
YES, a lot. I felt very guilty during the first 18 months of reboot. I started Tai chi and meditation, and this helped me to find peace with myself. It has no sense to keep mortifying myself for the mistakes i did.
How do i plan to live the rest of my life?
In a complete different way. I have been selfish, always looking to myself and not to others. I have placed my wife and sons in first row now, and promised myself to make them happy. I used to put my pleasure first, and consider my business the top priority. I have realized that making money is useless , I could have lost everything if they would have discovered what i was doing (which almost happened 3 days before I started rebooting).
Why I am still active in NoFap after so many months?
Because I do not want to forget that i am a "rehabilitated PMO addict". I do not want to become complacent, because this is the easiest way to relapse. And because I want to help as many Fapstronauts as i can, to give back all the help and the love I got here when I needed it, 23 months ago. It is impossible to fight this addiction back without help. An nobody can give you better advise than other members of this site, outside Mark Queppet and @alexander from NoFap Academy, which are the best two guys you can find to help you conquer this disease.
Happy Easter/Passover, and let's keep on fighting altogether
Fercho

 

Hi @dj-motion , you get me wrong.
IT IS 100% WORTH IT!!!
You will get better inside your mind and this will help you to find a girlfriend, you cannot accomplish this now because you are probably consumed and possessed by the addiction, as I was
Your mind will think clearer and your attitude will change in a positive way
What I want to emphasize is that it is not paradise, you will not be 100% perfect. We think when we start reboot that this is the case, but perfection does not exist
As @alexander tild
Me in one of the NoFap Academy video calls: "li fe will continue being shit around us, but we learn how to cope with this and live a happier and healthier life no matter what".
Keep on fighting
Derecho

 

@dj-motion , it is a big step if you can understand what is triggering your urges, because this will allow you to be awake and kill those urges as soon as they appear.

I recommend you to create your own "Emergency Toolbox" with readings that can be handy to read when you start feeling urges to screw up.
I can share this post with you with my own Emergency Toolbox, it helped me a lot during the first few months, i had them in my cell and read them every time I started falling down:

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...y-first-320-days-of-reboot.62938/#post-473978

I wrote some tips in this post that perhaps will help you too:

http://NoFap.com/forum/index.php?threads/tips-that-helped-me-to-start-my-reboot.46617/#post-330318
You can watch some interesting videos which are also very helpful in this post:
http://nofap.com/forum/index.php?th...t-help-me-a-lot-during-my-reboot.39774/page-2

I also suggest you to read "Breaking the Cycle" by George Collins, it is a must-read if you are serious about getting rid of this addiction.
To get more focus and feel happier with life I recommend you to start doing meditation.. I have been using an App called Headspace for the last two months which is great if you have never meditated before. The first 10 sessions are free if you want to give a try. I used to feel a bit depressed or feeling without energy to start new projects in my life, and meditation has helped me a lot with this.

Last but not least, I would strongly recommend you to take the NoFap Academy course if you can afford it. The course is great but the best value are the weekly video calls with @alexander (the creator of NoFap and NoFap Academy) and Mark Queppet, where you can chat with them in real life and listen to other guys's stories and problems too.

I hope that all this helps you to fight this shitty addiction.
Let's keep on fighting

Fercho

 

@dj-motion , they have now a K-9 version for phone and tablets, it works well, although the password is just 4 numbers, so you should ask somebody else to set it up for you, so you cannot cheat
Fercho

 

Thank you @programer ! You are right, not having all that shit inside our brain helps us to be sharper and more focused in every other aspect of our lives
Keep the good work!
Fercho

 

Dear Fapstronauts:

Last Sunday I had quite strange experience. It was a month and a half that w had not have sex with my wife, she doesn't feel like it because she is going through her menopause

Out of the blue she told me: "I know that you want to have sex because you don't masturbate anymore. I don't feel like it, but perhaps we can try to get me excited if we watch porn together."

I thought about it for 10 seconds. The idea of watching porn after 23 months and a half scared me a lot. I was afraid about chaser effect, etc. But the fact that I would be doing it with her was very comforting, because it would be a “controlled experience”, and would not be a selfish act of sex with my right hand, but something coming from love with a real person. And I was horny

I was kind of trembling when I was browsing the video. Login in to a porn website I used to access 3-4 times per day every day for years was an excruciating experience. Thousand of thoughts rushed through my mind. Am i doing the right thing? How can I know if I am "cheating", getting excited with the porn instead of with my wife body? Would I be able to stop if I realized I was cheating?
I chose a movie that would not have the things that used to trigger me. I have always PMO with gay porn, and I chose a straight one. I chose on purpose a video where the guy was barely visible, to avoid getting excited by the male body.

As soon as it started, I looked away from the screen. I had a sense of rejection.

First, I was already excited and did not need the stimulus.

Second, it kind of repulsed me. The sounds bothered me a lot, I found all the fake moaning so stupid and disgusting. I thought to myself: “This is so stupid, so infantile. How could I have been caught by this shit during 40 years of my life?”.

I lowered the volume almost to zero, and I focus in the real person I had by my side.

Fortunately, my wife got “in the mode” in a couple of minutes, so I could turn off the TV and forget about it.

When we finished, I told her “thank you”, and she smiled. She said: " You do not need to thank me". But I felt a big sense of gratitude.

I could have never thought that the first time I would watch porn since I became a “rehabilitated PMO addict” would have been with my wife by my side, on the same bed where I was compulsively PMO'ing alone for so many years.

I had no chaser effect, no triggers or desires to watch porn since then.

I feel that I trespassed an important threshold in my reboot that day, almost 24 months since I started. I know that I have reached a "point of no return" in my addiction. I can start leaving my past history behind.
I feel for first time that I am 100% rehabilitated. I will not become complacent, because "the Gremlin" may still be dormant and may wake up some days. But I know that he is weak, and I am stronger than ever.

I do not consider this a relapse, so I am not planning to reset my counter to zero. I asked Mark Queppet in the weekly NoFap Academy video call and he agreed. NoFap does not think that porn is a sin and we cannot watch porn or MO the rest of our lives. Some guys would want to do it again once it is not a compulsive desire any longer. It is not my case though. I feel repulsiveness now where it was blind desires and lust in the past.
PMO almost ruined my life. I lost hours and hours of my life (and thousand of dollars in paid porn and male escorts). I got depressed and my self-esteem was down on the floor. I lost the desire to keep living. I lost valuable time which I could have spent with my wife and kids, that time is gone forever.

Now that my eyes are open, I would be an idiot to get back to that shit.

I want to thank all the Fapstronauts that helped me during this recovery road.
In 2 weeks I will celebrate 24 months clean and will plan the next steps in my reboot.
I will probably start slowly leaving this site, or at least not coming every day as I have been doing these two years. I do not want to leave for good, because I do not want to forget and become complacent. I also want to keep helping other fellow members in their own reboot.
But on the other hand, I should focus in new horizons, and let this part of my life behind.
As in anything in life, there should be a balance between both goals.

Keep on fighting, it seems super hard but the addiction can be defeated

Fercho

 

Thank you @piomode for your words of support
Fercho

 

Thank you very much @The_?98 for your words of encouragement
Let me know if I can help you with anything in your reboot
Fercho