OCD About HOCD?

For the past few weeks, I've been keeping my eye on the forum threads about guys with gay porn addictions. I myself struggle with the issue, and for a long time, I though I might be gay. For now, I think I'm somewhere in straight-land but just addicted to anything extreme, and my tendency toward gay porn is just a reflection of my distaste for the "slutty" character that most hardcore straight porn has. Then again, if I were to decide that I'm actually gay, I wouldn't be too surprised either.

But in all the other posts I've read, either the one who created the post, or those who respond to it, insist that he isn't gay, but just HOCD. My question is, well, are we just kidding ourselves? Fair enough, most of us grew up liking only girls, and many of us still desire them at least on an emotional level. But how many times do I have to PMO to two dudes before I'm gay? In law, in religion, in academics, etc., we judge people always by their actions first and their intentions second. I don't want to speak too generally, but couldn't it be that a lot of guys are getting OCD about HOCD because they just don't want to admit to being gay?

Like I said, actions first, intentions second. In my case, I do consider myself pretty dang borderline, and the number one reason I decided that I'm predominantly straight is that, when searching for gay porn, I always settle on a video where the dominant one reminds me of someone I hate. I know, it's a really creepy fetish, but hey, if I can admit to being that messed up, I figure I could admit to being a full-time butt pirate if it were true. To reiterate my question more clearly: of all the gay posts I've read, only a small percentage of the guys seem to think they're actually gay, but that intuitively just seems wrong. Surely most--or at least a good number--of guys who watch gay porn are, in fact, gay. Should we be focusing less on HOCD and more on how accept ourselves, gay or not? Mightn't it be healthier to assume gay unless proven HOCD, rather than the other way around?

I expect this thread might get a bit contentious if it takes off, so I'll just remind y'all to keep it civil 'n such. For my part, I hope I didn't offend anyone with what I've said, and I'd be happy to offend everyone else to promote equity if I did.

 

Hmm. Interesting takes on the matter. For what it's worth, I'm also autistic, so in general, the idea of actually having sex just... eh. I dunno. Physical contact makes me uncomfortable. When it comes to the interpersonal side of things, I don't get guys because their words rarely reflect what they're actually thinking, and I don't get girls because they're, well, kinda emotional. Always talking about the way things feel. Too subjective. Geez, now you people are making me second-guess myself. It probably doesn't matter, as I plan to live the bachelor life either way, but as @Bearish said about feeling complete... I know I'll need companionship of some sort, even if it's just my coworkers. It'd be nice to be certain where I stand, as there is more to it than just sexual attraction.

That all being said, I guess I'm still unconvinced that HOCD is as prevalent as it's made out to be. I just went to read a post of yours @BoBo129, and while I think you have the potential to help a lot of guys by sharing your experiences, but from what I understand, your HOCD is associated with a traumatic event and not a long-term addiction. Then again, maybe the one led to the other for some of us. I guess maybe it did for me, although I never think about it.

Eh. Brain hurts. Will revisit the issue later. Thanks for the replies guys.

 

Well, that was undoubtedly the best laugh I've ever gotten out of NoFap. It was like all the porn I've ever watched flashed before my eyes to the tune of George R. R. Martin's Weiner Song from South Park, and the absurdity of it all flowed through me in the form of a horrid orgasmic guffaw. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to watch porn again. That may literally have ruined it for me. Thank you so, so much.

I also find your point's simple elegance, @ivanhoe, surprisingly powerful. In a way, the only sex I've ever had has been gay sex. I really wouldn't know what I would do if a hot call girl were lying on the bed beside me right now. All I could ask would be, "Hey, can you make me feel the same way I felt all those times a big hairy right hand ever stroked my dick? I especially like the part when a hot sticky mess sprays all over my chest." Hehe. All those times I thought I was acting like a normal straight guy...

I usually stick a courtesy "thanks" at the end of my posts, but I mean it very sincerely this time. Y'all really made me realize just how messed up porn has made me. Not because it "made me gay," but because all these years, even when I was watching the straightest porn around or fantasizing about the hottest chicks, I was just substituting same-sex stimulation for what I actually wanted, driving myself deeper into confusion the entire time. This thread may very well have changed my life.

 

You don't have to convince me of anything; if you did, then your own point would be self-defeating. And I wouldn't call discussion "transient and trifling." I don't plan to die tomorrow. I plan to live a long life, rehashing the same ideas over and over, occasionally finding or deriving better ones, and passing them on to the rest of humanity as best I can. Finally, you're mistaking motives and motivation. Saying that I need motivation to act is simply a reminder that my actions are neither spontaneous nor controlled by outside forces. I'm not schizophrenic. I know that. But motives are objective. My motives for committing to NoFap are a collection of beliefs: that PMO is morally wrong, that it leads to unhealthy relationships, that there are better uses of one's time, and now, a few new ideas. My motivation is a nasty complex of half-baked thoughts, emotions, and other urges that (hopefully together with some willing component that interacts with the previous) together characterize my actions as a human, for as clever as they can be at some times, and dang stupid and regrettable at others.

I know there's a struggle ahead for me. I'll probably consider myself an addict for the rest of my life, long after I've failed for the last time. If I'm shallow for trying to take a new motive from fellow Fapstronauts and trying to encourage myself with a little motivation on the side, well, I guess you can kiss my shallow arse. At least I recognize myself as a part of something greater, rather than entertaining a delusion of radical individualism under the guise of "free thinking."

That all being said, I appreciate what you have to add. PMO can really mess a person up, and I guess for a long time, I'd figured that the only real health problems associated were ED and DE. But there's a lot to the psychology of it as well, as I now see, and I'll have to contemplate what else is entailed for, well, at least until my reboot succeeds.