Hey folks, I'm a 43 year old Brit who's been stuck on PMO since the mid 90s but happily married since the early 90s! My wife had physical difficulties with sex in our early years so when she got past those troubles and was ready for action I'd been holding back for about 5 years and my sex drive had totally died. I got into fapping as a way to kick start things again, which worked, but unfortunately I got addicted to it and have had a struggle with it ever since. We bought a book to help us with our love making that had photos of various positions in it, but I ended up using it more for PMO than the reason for which it was bought. Jump forward to around the mid 00s when dial-up faded into obscurity and was replaced by high-speed internet and the world of photos of naked women opened right up to me - viewed in secret, of course. I have kept trying to convince myself that artistic nudes were just art and that eventually I would be able to enjoy these beautiful pictures without going PMO. After a number of years I still haven't achieved that and realise that, for me, these pictures are a trigger that I must avoid. I have gone for weeks at a time (my record being around 100 days) controlling myself but when I break I really break and binge. Alongside all this, I have realised that my drive for making love to my wife drops dramatically when I give in to PMO, I feel tired and often down or even depressed. I struggle with delayed ejaculation which is partly due to medication, but I know a part of it is also due to my addiction. I'm signing up in the hope that with the encouragement of all you others I can break this addiction and my wife can get me all to herself rather than having what's left over after I've fapped all over a bunch of complete strangers. I'm starting with 30 days because I think it's do-able and I hope to hit that and increase, but for now it's one day at a time but knowing that I'm not doing it on my own. I have spoken to my wife about it in the past but I know it upsets her and she doesn't know how to help, so I hoping being online with you guys will help me get the breakthrough I need.
Welcome. I suggest you do a conscious effort to not only stop PMO but also gradually "replace" it with more real connection with real people. Socially and sexually. With your wife it doesn't only have to be sex. But also "connection" in general. Find other ways to have outlets for your creative energies so you are not stuck with them and they need to "pop" though PMO.
Hi DickoryDoc, Thanks for the advice; I've just started going out with friends more in the last few weeks and am hoping to build on that, it hadn't occurred to me that it might help in "replacing" PMO - thanks for that. As regards my wife, we have got a bit lazy on maintaining a good connection so that's something we can work at together. Thanks again for your advice, I'll be putting it into action!
Great to hear if the tip was helpful. I really see it as the #1 thing to do. CONNECTION. Socially and in your love-/sexlife. But it's often overlooked. People look for the bells and whistles. But it starts here. I have trouble with it too (keeping it up), because I am under severe stress with financial/legal stuff and don't get out of the house much. I have to consciously remind myself and push myself to do it. As to amping up the connection with the wifey again, my #1 advise is: TURN OFF THE FUCKING TV!!! I of course don't know your habits but I see it as the #1 connection killer in a relationship/family. In these busy days where people "don't have time for each other" - why the FUCK are they wasting 2-4 hours every night staring at the TV instead of each other? Imagine just 1 extra hour a day with relaxed conversation, with no other focus than each other - how much that can mean for connection? In many relationships, those kind of longer, focused talks only occur when there are PROBLEMS. The "We really need to talk!" thing. Anyway, end of TV rant.
