Upon acknowledgement it all made sense...

I was recommended to look into this site by suggestion of a therapist I've been seeing for several years. Most all of our conversations leading up to this moment have been struggles with alcoholism and drug addiction. I've been sober from drugs and alcohol for almost two years now primarily through the help of 12-step programs, things have gotten exponentially better as a result, yet still something seemed very wrong. Every now and then, when I would feel vulnerable enough I would let slip my struggles with P & M to this therapist and eventually (after I had rendered significant physical damage upon myself as a result) felt secure enough to share this information. She had suggested I seek support here, that she had seen great results from other clients and friends who had done so. I am not going to lie, I had a profound resistance and an indefensible amount of judgement (primarily about myself). But once I looked at the symptoms... damn... once I looked at the symptoms it all set in. It all made sense.

I was at least 12 when I first engaged in PM (excuse me if I'm not using the proper nomenclature) and the damage I've done has been severe now sitting here at 26. Up until I graduated high school I had a very satisfying romantic and sexual life but all that changed when I left for college, and then dropped out (due to my alcoholism and drug addiction) then the dark side of PM really began to manifest. I went six years without a partner, I had occasional hookups here and there but it was clear I was beginning to experience problems with erectile disfunction. Eventually I began dating this girl at the end of 2015, and as soon as our relationship turned physical I acknoweldged I was having great difficulty maintaining an erection with someone who I was beyond attracted to. I even began to question at the time whether or not it had been a result of my porn use. We eventually broke up because she lived half-way across the planet and was only visiting, but ever since I dove right back into PM and did't look back. Now, at day 5, I'm feeling resolute in commitment, but for the first time I'm having urges. My experience in 12-step programs has taught me to reach out to others, and since this site was recommended to me for such a purpose I saw fit to create an account and take a risk by doing something I thought I'd never do and share my experience about this facet of my life. For as long as I can remember, this is the only part of my life that I never felt comfortable talking about, sharing, let alone acknowledge. The thing is I want this, now more than ever, and if putting myself out there to be vulnerable and teachable in order to achieve my goals is going to help me and eventually help me help others, then its all worth it.