The last bastion of my enslavement

I'm sorry that you are suffering and yet happy that you are realizing your suffering.

I would try not to fall into the trap of believing the minds stories. Masturbation is just one mental facet of an infinite combination. If it's not masturbation, the mind will jump for something else. This is not to say you should not control your masturbation. Just a point to notice.

Why do you want to stop the urges while meditation? How do you feel when it pops up during your meditation?

How does being a "better person" mean that you are almost free from suffering? Is the goal of the path to become a better person? How are you viewing your "attainments"?


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Some passages that come to mind:

An excerpt from the heart sutra (https://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/heartsutra.html):
"
There is no ignorance,
and no end to ignorance.
There is no old age and death,
and no end to old age and death.
There is no suffering, no cause of suffering,
no end to suffering, no path to follow.
There is no attainment of wisdom,
and no wisdom to attain.
"


MN 113:
Furthermore, a person of no integrity — secluded from sensuality, secluded from unskillful qualities, enters & remains in the first jhāna: rapture & pleasure born of seclusion, accompanied by directed thought & evaluation. He notices, 'I have gained the attainment of the first jhāna, but these other monks have not gained the attainment of the first jhāna.' He exalts himself for the attainment of the first jhāna and disparages others. This is the quality of a person of no integrity.

"But a person of integrity notices, 'The Blessed One has spoken of non-fashioning [2] even with regard to the attainment of the first jhāna, for by whatever means they construe it, it becomes otherwise from that.' [3] So, giving priority to non-fashioning, he neither exalts himself for the attainment of the first jhāna nor disparages others. This is the quality of a person of integrity.

 

Just being careful with views, my friend. Whether good or bad. All views lead to bhavana. Even buddhist views lead to bhavana and eventually dukkha

This is a wonderful insight, in which I would completely agree.

Well, let me ask you. What is the point of meditation? A further point, is how do you feel when you feel this bliss (piti or sukha)? Does this bliss lead us further into the path or what is your relationship to it?

This is how you feel about being pulled away by sexual thoughts. How do you feel when sexual thoughts happen during meditation? What are the reactions in your body and mind? When you start to feel it happen in your sitting, watch the physical reactions and tell me about them. Do you feel a flutter in your chest or a tension in your face? Does your breathing rate increase?

You hint towards a mental reaction in, "It scares me a little".


I know I'm asking a lot of questions, but these are merely for you to ponder. Just watch throughout the day. I don't think giving straightforward answers help in these situations. I'm very proud of you for getting to 7 days

 

Bhavana means the activity of meditation. In etymology it means cultivation (of the mind).

 

I say don't be concerned about the urges. All of us who are Buddhist in this group have joined because we all have problems with urges and you are not alone.
Nobody said it was going to be easy. Sexual desire is the biggest form of attachment we have in Samsara. The reason why we took up this birth was because of sexual activity.
We have to remember that all these great sages of the past who accomplished in the Buddhist path, that at one point in their lives they were nothing more than who we are now. Take Nanda, the Buddha's cousin for example. He was about to be wedded off to one of the most beautiful and sexiest of women in their state. But on his wedding day the Buddha ordained him as a monastic. Nanda could not meditate because his feelings of desire for his fiancee was blocking his progress in meditation. The Buddha realised this and he showed Nanda a vision of one of the heavenly realms with its goddesses who's beauty was of a kind that was unknown to this world, which surpasses the beauty of any woman. Then the Buddha asked from Nanda who was more beautiful? Whether it was his spouse-to-be or whether it were the godesses in the heavenly abodes. Nanda without a doubt said that the beauty of the goddesses were far greater beyond words and that his spouse-to-be looked more like a monkey compared to these goddesses. Then the Buddha encouraged Nanda to meditate more, so that he would also get the chance to see these goddesses whenever he wishes (except that when you meditate and progress in that, your desire for sex diminishes and completely extinguishes before enlightenment).

As for simple basic mindfulness meditation itself is supposed to lead one to blissful states known as Jhanas (Pali) / Dhyanas (Sanskrit). There are 8 Jhanas/Dhyanas. The first Jhana itself is meant to be far more pleasurable than the best possible orgasm with all the sexiest of women and goddesses in the past, present and future all put together. When one reaches something like the 1st Jhana then for sometime this is meant to feel like the most pleasurable thing one has ever experienced more than anything through the senses whether that is sex, drugs, music or sweet food.

As for meditation it is normal to hit a lot of speed bumps. But with time and effort those obstacles will get less and less where nothing will stand between you and progress in meditation.

Also note that even those who do meditation from a secular point of view have 'complained' that their meditation activity had reduced their libido. This is from both the practices of mindfulness of breathing as well as Vipassana.

As Buddhists, overcoming desire is one of the benefits, because the end result of chasing desires such as sex is suffering. Therefore these 'complaints' from non-Dhamma folk who say that meditation reduces libido, are actually what we as Buddhists see as benefits.

Of course, the diminishing of sexual desire is a great benefit itself. But given that we as Buddhists who are here to aim for enlightenment, we are not going to settle for those benefits either.