The incident that got me into finally say good bye to nofap... It just i had been asking reassurance from a guy who isn't even understand the standard of pmo mean... He said that i have to do all 3 combination, pmo in order to go actual relapse... The reality is watching porn alone is a relapse already. I was spending a whole month seeking reassurance from him... If it was on pmo standard I probably relapse long ago... It's all my fault, i should asked for his specific rules first... Also those triggers i asked mostly related to certain behaviors... Or stuffs that didn't even consider pmo, it might be resemble of porn... Like i shaking my leg so, it felt good to my penis, stretching then got sensitive to my penis, everything that contact with sexual parts got me doubts... I couldn't hug my pillow anymore which is crazy. I always told my brain PMO only count as relapse it won't listen... However it always stuffs that other might considered relapse... Like purposely butt naked got strong erection from watching a girl massage or using products on her armpit etc.. which my fetish, purposely got erection... Sometimes i squeeze my legs on purpose so i can felt my penis good a bit... Overall it's fucked up... Before like after 2 years doing nofap, i wasn't pay much attention to details like these recent years... I wanted that mindset back, where literally only PMO COUNT ANYTHING ELSE NOT RELAPSE... I'm not sure how to talk to my therapist about this... Anyways i just wanna get things out, of my mind.
It's always a good thing to vent about whatever is on your mind. I would encourage you to not take advice from anyone else as indisputable and unbreakable rules to your journey. You, and ONLY you should be the one to define the rules and boundaries of your journey. (And maybe a significant other.) Some people don't want to watch porn, but find M acceptable. Others think no porn, M, or O is acceptable unless they are with their spouse. And others choose not to P, M, or O under any circumstances whatsoever. It all comes down to what rules you make for yourself in this fight.
NO-PMO is not an exact science. The issue is: We are addicted to easy dopamine. I have been addicted to porn for about 25 years. I only took notice of my addiction 10 years ago. Since 2014 I have been trying to quit. Only one time I was able to reach 120 days. Right now, I'm on a 7-days strike. This year I had a couple of 30, 15, and 10 days of strikes and I usually end up relapsing. I think NoFap for us, with porn addiction, is a habit of understanding yourself, your triggers, and self-acceptance. You need to understand any sexual fantasy you acquired with your porn habit is pure LUST. We are so attached to our LUST that we can't accept the fact we have to let go. I'm sure when you think about your fantasies, which is what you mentioned in your post, makes your heart race. You need to open the browser and see the new videos and posts that you are missing out, right? See, that's what is so hard to let go. The LUST. You need to understand that you either let go of these thoughts or even with NoFap you will not be cured. You will be able to function better, but thoses thoughts will be always in the back of your head. I have 3 triggers. 1 - Urgers. Crazy urges... these I can control. 2 - Self-sabotage: At night, maybe after drinking some alcohol, my brain will manipulate into fapping making me forget all reasons why I can't fap and only regret on the day after. I think I can control those now. 3 - Pure LUST. During the day, everyone goes out, I'm by myself, and I want to see the new content related to my sexual fantasy. And it's not a crazy urge, it's more like something that I can't let go of. I recently identified this trigger. Some things can contribute to building up the urges like doing stuff that will arouse you, like social media, sexy bodies, etc... I try to avoid those as well. Anyways... the NoFap journey is about letting go of the old habits, we are not perfect, but you have to be persistent.
