BEWARE of "Sissy Hypnosis"

I fully understand and commend you for it......not sure i am strong enough to resist the temptation of viewing porn. I was edging before i knew it probably wasn't the best but still was releasing dopamine for me which is counterproductive. Old habits die hard! Are you 3 days in for the first time or did you weaken and begin again with new count? I am new and 20 but hasn't been easy for me to resist

 

Yeah edging is counter productive in that way, it's always been my nemesis in this fight that and curiosity. Indeed old habits do die hard... but they do die none the less. I originally joined NoFap back in late February and constantly tired and failed. I took a break around May till about a week ago, the Summer was a mixed bag of results that ultimately saw me spend a lot of money on findommes and fetish videos and mp3s. So I decided to finally return and started a new journal after studying my old one and seeing where I went wrong. If you'd like to start a chat I'm up for it that way we aren't high jacking the thread with the conversation. If you have a journal let me know I'd love to read it and follow your progress and offer any support I can.

 

Dont give up i am fighting the same addiction Sissy hypno i started watching it 3 months ago and i got addicted to it and now i just when ever i get the urge i get the thought back i am on day 13 nofap but i think the only way out of this is nofap hardmode

 

I have no plans to ever go back to it. It's something I do struggle with as with all the porn induced fetishes I have, they cycle through. Hard mode is the best way through this but it's also the toughest.

 

i got an urge half an hour ago i opened the browser and started searching for sissy memes.. i searched for 1 minute and then i just left my phone and went to make some push ups and had a cold shower i am proud that i dident relapse i am not giving up never!

 

Good for you to resist! I have a fetish cycle which means I feel like giving into a certain fetish for a while and then want to move onto one of the other ones I saw in the past I.E. bondage. When you get urges like that I'd suggest just putting down your phone and walking away period. On my second day I had urges like that so I left my phone and went for a nice walk by the time I got home the urges were long gone and I wasn't thinking of P.

 

nice good luck for you fighting ur addiction bro. i hope all the luck for you☆

 

Good luck to you to!

 

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME IM
ONLY 17. THIS SHIT IS RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE. I CANT GET HARD ANYMORE. IVE CONVINCED MYSELF IM A SEXUAL PLAY THING FOR DOMINANT MEN. I FUCKING HATE THIS FEELING. I DONT WANT TO BE A GIRL A SISSY OR GAY. I WANT TO GO BACK TO MY NORMAL CONFIDENT MASCULINE SELF. I FELL IN LOVE WITH WOMEN AT A YOUNG AGE. THIS SHIT IS RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE. I HAVE NO MOTIVATION TO LIVE ANYMORE. I CAME OUT AS GAY TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. IM NOT GAY THO. I LOVE WOMEN. I LOVE MY EX GIRLFRIEND STILL BUT BC OF SISSY HYPNO IM NOW LIMP. HOW DO I REGAIN MY SEXUALITY AND CONTROL OVER MY LIFE. PLEASE HELP CONSIDERING SUICIDE.

 

Hi, I am not quite addicted to this type of porn, but my problem is related. For a long time I have had deep desires to be sissified permanently that I know come from feelings of inadequacy. Maybe it's best if I tell the story of my sexual evolution and why it brings me here:

Childhood:
I personally believe that there are many people who are born gay or trans, like there is no doubt about them from a very early age. For me this was not the case. In elementary school I had a very outgoing childhood and I started to like girls. At that age the only porn I was exposed to was Playboy centerfolds. My first sexual fantasies before puberty were simply staring at and objectifying the naked bodies of women. And then there were girls in school I had crushes on. This part of my life I would consider pretty normal.

Middle school:
My healthy sexual development continued into my tween years, but I'm sure it was those years that my maturation stalled. By the end of my childhood my family life had turned into a broken home. I was raised by my mother and had no positive male influence in my life. We moved to a new school area where I was suddenly the new kid with no friends. I did not have the confidence to ask out the girls I liked, and even if I had, they probably would have turned me down. I was unable to find the nerve to ask out the girl I was in love with, so I asked out her friend, who did reject me after all. Since I had such a positive childhood before those years, my self-esteem wasn't so low that I would settle for whatever female I could get, like some young men often do. I went a really long time never having a girlfriend. My porn interest escalated to late night cable television, literotica, VHS tapes and more hardcore magazines. Lesbian porn was my preference, specifically if one of the women was an experienced lesbian, while the other girl was bi-curious and maybe doing it for the first time. That was probably related to my own repressed bi-curious fantasies, which were developing. My ego was physically, sexually, and emotionally attracted to girls and women. But because of feelings of rejection and emasculation, coupled with the onset of puberty, I began to MO privately to thoughts of submissive sexual acts with grown men. I was not attracted to males in real life and the fantasies were completely anonymous. Just me submitting and being sexually conquered by a masculine man with a hard erect penis.

High school:
As I started to get older, I still enjoyed fapping to lesbian porn, heterosexual porn with a sexy woman involved, and of course high school girls at my school. But in these fantasies I was never present. It was scene play or me watching from a distance. In the meantime, I had continued to be rejected and turned down by a handful of girls in junior high and high school, to the point where my emasculation and bi-curious fantasies spiraled further. We didn't have internet hookups 20 years ago, but there were these phone dating sites where you could call up and chat M4F, F4M, M4M, and F4F. I think I tried listening to ads in all of these out of curiosity but it was the M4M section I became addicted. Whenever I was home alone I would call and listen to gay and bi men leave ads looking for sex partners or dates and if I found one that I liked I would fap furiously. As soon as it was over I felt ashamed because most other times I was fapping to some of the sexiest girls at school, but I couldn't stop doing it nonetheless. Then before I knew it I was 17 and still couldn't get a girlfriend, another love interest turned me down, and I started to consider the possibility that I must be gay because girls don't like me. I started escalating to phone sex with a couple of those guys, and then almost went through with meeting but got scared/ashamed and backed out.

18-19:
So after I graduated high school I was still a virgin but I finally got my first girlfriend. Not just some girl I settled for either; I mean I was really in love with this girl. All of the emasculated bi-curious fapping went away overnight. Sexual performance was a little difficult for me the first one or two times, but I eventually ejaculated and after that everything became real natural and easy-like. I think it goes to show that male sexuality can really depend on self-confidence and having a loving and compatible partner. Unfortunately she dumped me a few months later, got married the following year (at 19) and I was devastated. Immediately the bi-curious fapping returned and by then internet porn had become a thing. I was able to find gay pornography online but it wasn't all for me. I found that two masculine guys having sex together or two boyish twinks having sex together grossed me out. My preference was gay porn that involved one dominant masculine male and one younger submissive feminine boy. When fapping I would always imagine myself as the boy and I started to become repulsed by my masculinity. I would shave my body what I could without drawing attention to myself. I started to use sex toys and eventually began a sexual relationship with an online guy who was about 10 years older than me. I had no attraction to him, but it was a chance to act out my fantasy and his approach was chill enough that I didn't find him repulsive or creepy. Though after each meeting, I did feel shame and strong desires to purge.

College:
So I probably had sex with that guy less than half a dozen times and then I was back to dating girls when I belatedly started college. I had grown into a handsome and attractive young man from 18-20s, so unlike adolescence when I could never get a girlfriend, I suddenly found myself dating multiple attractive coeds and high school girls at once. I still felt a primary physical, sexual, and emotional attraction to females, but after so many years I couldn't purge those repressed bisexual urges of inadequacy and emasculation. When I had a breakup with a girlfriend or was sexually rejected in some way, I would meet a guy for sex. It got to the point where I was so tired of the conflict in my mind, that my fantasy became about meeting a guy who would turn me gay permanently.

It was at this time that my sissy fantasy began to become reality. As I said, I was especially repulsed and turned off by my masculinity during M2M sexual encounters. I wanted to be that soft smooth feminine gay boy, so I finally started shaving my entire body head to toe. During an online fap session I came across some site with feminine gay boys wearing panties. That was the first time I started to think about crossdressing and feminization, since it just clicked for me. I had been trying to feminize myself without realizing it for so long. Soon after that I was addicted to TS porn and ever since I've never had gay fantasies or watched gay porn again in the last 10-15 years. All I thought about was moving far away where nobody knew me and starting over in life, forced to live as a girl. It was so far removed from my normal public personality though that it took a nervous breakdown for me to finally reach the point where, rather than doing something even more drastic like committing suicide, I started acting out my transition. I bought clothes and makeup and dressed as often as possible. My hair was naturally grown out and sometimes even braided or accessorized. I took endless selfies and body shots and loved posting them online for the attention of men. Once I was on hormones I found my body and mind were very happily receiving daily doses of estrogen. For the first time I was actually starting to find (some) men attractive. I completely stopped watching porn, even TS porn. My fantasy had become real life. As someone said earlier in the thread, looking like a female was what made the fantasy work for me. If I couldn't gradually become more and more feminine and passable, I would have been repulsed and stopped immediately. But the chemical imbalances in my brain were very pleasantly altered, and my body was becoming softer and ever so slightly more filled out. Although I was never to the point of being a full-time TS, I did have platonic TS girlfriends I went out with while dressed up.

Mid-late 20s: Unlike when I was growing up, when I had a primary heterosexual identity and repressed bisexual urges, by this time my primary identity was to transition and date men. And I was trying to repress feelings that I still had from my whole life to meet a girl and traditionally fall in love (which I assumed from many years of experience would never happen or work out). I reached a point where my feminization was rapidly progressing and I was approaching a point of no return. I was honestly very happy with the changes permanent changes but sad to lose myself at the same time. It was a hard decision for me but I decided because of all the costs involved and uncertainty that I should take more time to make a more informed decision. And here I am, years later nothing has really changed for me. Except my sexual desires.

Late 20s-30s:
Sometime after I stopped intermittent use of hormones my male libido began to return. My interest in pornography returned. I remember some light BDSM and bukkake type pornography were my first interests. But I still had a mix of heterosexual fantasies and sissy fantasies. I began an online relationship with a black man in my late 20's. Previously I did not have any preference for different types of men even in fantasies. White black etc. it didn't matter to me. But I guess because black guys were different maybe I was a little curious and next thing I knew I was being introduced to interracial porn and interracial lifestyle. Our relationship was strictly online and phone sex but he loved to call me white this and white that and how he was my black man. One day he told me that he would kill me if I ever had sex with a white guy again and from then on I was black-only. I started watching interracial porn exclusively, even after our online relationship ended. I was constantly tempted to return to crossdressing, transitioning, and have sex with black men. To this day, other than sissy hypnosis, interracial sex (black man / white female or black man / white sissy) is the only porn that turns me on.

Current:
So anyway in the last however many years my dating life had fallen to zero as I am not comfortable or confident in my identity either way. I have not dressed or seriously feminized myself in several years and yet I have the fantasies when I'm feeling low all the time, which I satisfy by watching interracial porn and MO in the most sissy ways possible. When I watch porn it has to be amateur interracial, the black man has to finish completely (I love it) and I really prefer POVs where I can look up from the woman's perspective. Sometimes I just watch black men fap solo to completion. When I'm not watching porn, I have re-developed heterosexual fantasies as well. At first these were more of the jailbait barely-18 variety, but after awhile I moved on to dating sites where I would flirt with attractive women and use their pictures for my fantasies (pretty selfish of me to waste their time since I didn't have any intention to date). After I started a business and was doing well for myself, I started a relationship with a woman for the first time in many, many years. She didn't know any of this but she was comfortable with what she did know about me, which gave me some confidence. But my sex drive for her was low. Instead I've discovered SeekingArrangement, where I had become addicted to paying for an attractive college-aged girlfriend and having a daughter/girlfriend type of relationship with her. These sexual desires for an "arrangement" were extremely powerful to the point where I temporarily no longer had any interest in sissy stuff or interracial sex.

But then what happened? My business quite suddenly and catastrophically failed and I went bankrupt. I had an immediate life crisis and my new fantasy came crashing down. Recently I reverted back to sissy porn but more specifically sissy hypnosis. I think a lot of what has been talked about on here is ineffective junk in my opinion but I did find some audio and video files that have started to make permanent changes. One is this Kim Kardashian brainwash recording that I started listening to with headphones where there are three or four different audio tracks from both speakers bombarding my mind with affirmations and confirmations about how I want to become more and more like Kim Kardashian and that I am sexually attracted to black men. I've started listening to this while I'm sleeping and it's weird because without this addiction I would find her to be a vile and vain empty woman but since I've become addicted to the recording all I want to do is become more and more like Kim Kardashian. I've signed up on Kim Kardashian forums and started watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians. I watch her sex tape over and over again wanting to emulate her. Now I find myself watching other sissy vids and constantly thinking about chastity and being with black men again. Like it's something that I can't stop thinking about every day. I'll try and do something and all of a sudden some of the triggers from the recording or sissy videos will pop into my mind and I start smiling and biting my lip I can't help it anymore. I just completely shaved my body and I'm tempted to start dressing again and thinking about transition.

I realize this all because I feel like a failure in life. It's a cycle that has been repeating for 20+ years in various ways but I'm tired of the struggle. I have two sides to my personality or sexual identity that are not compatible with each other. I'm more concerned now than ever because since I've started listening to this Kim Kardashian M2F recording, I haven't had a normal male erection in several months. I'm not even 35 years old. Like if I were on hormones and transitioning I would understand its normal and a decision I made in life, but that's not the case. Once in awhile mentally I will want to have a sexual fantasy about a woman but when I try to MO, I cannot even get an erection anymore. Only as soon as I turn on the recording and sissy videos or start looking at black men and interracial sex I instantly get a small erection and start getting wet and feel happy. Shortly after I'm rubbing myself furiously until I have a sissy orgasm which feels completely different from a fap ejaculation. I've even started to lose physical and sexual and emotional attraction to women. But my desire to permanently become a sissy for a black man to not just have sex with me but make love to me has never been stronger. I can honestly say that I am now physically and sexually attracted to black men. I don't know if I can make it go away.

Part of me feels like this is a very dark place I've reached in my life and part of me feels like if I continue it would be the best possible thing that could ever happen to me. Like I've never been able to find peace in my life before and maybe I'm past the point psychologically where I could ever revert back. It's nice to find this community and maybe some support here.

 

SkiBum, hang in there buddy. I don't have all the answers, since I've just started this process myself recently. I can tell you though, that I believe by truly abstaining from watching P, for a significant amount of time, that we can slowly return to our true selves.

I wandered into this type of P after many years of other fetishes, having never before had any interest whatsoever in anything to do with transgender stuff. However after several months of returning to it to get that dopamine rush, I noticed some subtle changes in how I was looking at things which made absolutely no sense given my totally straight sexual orientation I've had my whole life.

At first I thought it wasn't any big deal but then I slowly realized this hypno garbage is really dangerous and sneaks up on you. I see it as totally evil now and have sworn to never look again. My realization of how far I'd let myself be dragged down into this bullshit is what brought me to nofap. I am close to my first 30 days PMO-free and already I'm noticing my old self beginning to return - e.g. a strong, unambiguous attraction to pretty girls and disgust at thinking of what's mentioned in those stupid sissy captions, along with a growing sense of self-confidence and peace within myself.

Keep reading here, keep posting here. Try your best to truly stay away from P, all P, and I believe you will slowly find your old self returning. That is what's important imho, that we give ourselves time away from the confusing cloud of P so that we can see things clearly again - it really did confuse my mind for awhile so I can really relate to your feelings. I'm sure others here can offer more wisdom, as I'm a newbie here, but I hope at least I've helped you see you're not alone.

 

I am Fighting this addiction also Day 16 Wish you luck with ur jorney!!

 

Sissy Porn really has a hold on me....cant seem to resist it!

 

I very much disagree. Yes most visuals are of women worshiping men, and cut to very graphic images of men reaching orgasm or some gay act. They're creating an association between female figures and then a man's. When there flashing back and forth they draw a very real connection IMO

 

**trigger warning**

Have you guys ever seen those master baton command videos where a porn star will sit there and yell at you to MO. Sorta like hypnosis. They even had cei (cum eating instructions) but that was to gross for me

 

What's weird is my porn was always spankings and a little like I would be the dominant. Then bc I'm on nofap I found out about chastity cage and I got hooked on that. It was opposite so o was the submissive and had to beg for a release but they are always cruel. But see, all of this is fake.

The chastity actually made me lose interest in spanking vids and look at chastity cage/femdom. Now I'm just not doing any of it.

 

41 year old straight guy here. So I mainly watch hetero porn, about once a day, and sometimes watch gay porn. Couple days ago, I found sissy videos, I watched about 3 or 4 of them jerking to them, smoking pot. Only one did I actually put headphones on and watched to the end, out of curiosity if it actually does anything, thinking it's silly. The others I would skip ahead here and there.

We'll it definitely affected me. I didn't sleep that night tossed and turned with the arousal, imagery, all night. I have a racey heart like anxiety or something all the time. Distracted, not productive at work the next day. The next day I did a reversal of hypnotic suggestions video and it worked, almost all the way but pretty darn good. I now feel relaxed when suggestions from the sissy pops back. But I still have this buzzing heart.

I took benadryl to sleep last night and I slept 7 or 8 hours. Today I still feel the sissy stuff slightly but it seems it's fading away. This matches what I read from one hypnotist online from researching reversal where he said yea you could have a reversal session but its usually not needed because unwanted hypnotic suggestions fade naturally over time as the subject afterwards reconciles and becoming aware.

Tonight is night 3. I still have a buzzy heart. I hope to sleep without needing benadryl.

My assumption is I will be back to normal in a few days. Because I only watched a few of them on one afternoon.

P.s. I don't consider myself porn addicted, once a day is not considered excessive is it?

 

I hope you feel better and over it soon, however I strongly believe watching any type of porn will make it harder to forget that one genre of porn.

You say you watch porn once a day. Would you agree porn has an overall negative impact on your life? Could you stop today and never watch it again?

I recommend you have a read through here, it's better explained than my words
https://www.nofap.com/porn-addiction/

 

It is

 

Correction: I've jerked about once a day since as long as I can remember, probably more than half that time while watching porn. I doubt that is excessive.

In fact, my sexual appetite has started to slow a little since I turned 40. For a while I would jerk once every few days.

I would say porn has had no negative impact. If there has been any effect I imagine it's neglible. The 3 or 4 sissy hypnos I watched the other day definitely has negatively affected me. I'm very surprised how a simple one time view of a video could have an effect on me.

Last night was night 3 since the viewing, no sleep, even after I took a benadryl.

Thx for the support.