Yes I did relapse a few times between that streak and my current one. I will be open and up front about it. However I don't think it will jeopardize my relationship and I don't think I will ever be tempted to go back to it if I love someone.
That's what my husband thought. He genuinely thought he could stop when I told him prior to being in a relationship porn couldn't be in it. He was confident when he told me he wouldn't do it and honestly thought he wouldn't. But within three months he was back in PMO. So love has nothing to do with an addiction, it can either help or hinder. He loved me, yet he fell back to his addiction so it can happen, just be careful.
I won't underestimate the temptation, but I plan to smother those flames before they start a fire. Pmo isn't compatible with true love imo and I am confident in my will to resist indefinitely. I know what I want and pmo has no place in any of it.
I think it’s great that you have such strong resolve to beat this. It is not compatible with true love. It sounds like you will still be honest with your future partner, so that is what matters. The mistake many make is to think that PMO will never effect their relationship, so they do not tell their potential SO. So long as you are honest you are doing well.
As a woman, I have mixed feelings about this thread. First of all, I don't think it's true that women prefer men who are completely open about their emotions or who cry in front of them. I think it makes them terrified on the inside that this man won't be able to be their rock in time of need, even if that is hard to admit for many. Does that mean that men are not supposed to be emotional or vulnerable? Not at all. But women need to face that what they say they like and what they are actually attracted to is not always the same thing. I have friends and I know where the "emotional and vulnerable" guys end up. Yes, this needs to change, but no, we are not there yet. "8. You are likely to relapse no matter what stage of pmo recovery you are in." Maybe that's true, maybe it isn't. Is someone lying to themselves because they hold out the hope that they can let this go permanently? What message does this send to someone who is just setting out on his/her journey of recovery? "13. But if you are honest the right woman will happily help you overcome your ED." And the other women will giggle about it to their friends and make you a laughing stock. Women talk about these things all the time. It's impossible to know in the early stages of dating which type of woman you are seeing. Because you suffer from addiction you suddenly have lost the right to protect yourself? I don't think that's fair. "Of course you disagree, you are an addict who clearly has not reached full recovery yet." No, he is a human being expressing his opinion and disagreeing with you, which is his right. You don't know his struggles. Look, dating is brutal and I think every person has the right to not have his/her secrets exposed for the whole world to see. You say that if a girl leaves you because of your addiction that's just bad luck, but the truth is much worse could happen. This girl is basically still a stranger to you. Disclosures about your past are made with time, as trust is build between two people. Yes, you have to tell her eventually, if she proves to be a basically trustworthy person. No, continuing to lie, especially if it affects your relationship directly is not a good choice and will be detrimental.
There may be some women who see men that show their emotions as weak, but men that never show emotions in my opinion are also huge red flags. Let’s be clear anyone male or female who lacks control of their emotions can cause issues but men who show emotions at the appropriate times are simply human. If your man does not ever show emotions he’s either a psychopath or he’s hiding them from you and putting on a show, most likely the latter. So if a woman wants a man to not show his emotions because that makes him weak to her so be it. Who am I to say that’s not okay? But all men have feelings and emotions either they hide them to appear strong or they show them. How is an addict heading into a pmo journey supposed to deal with the fact that relapses are possible and likely at any stage of recovery? Accept it and use it to make his or her recovery better. Hope for the best plan for the worst. Are there women who laugh about ED sure. There are men who laugh at women’s weight or breast size at men’s jobs, at women’s intelligence. We all have faults and yes dating is brutal but here’s the thing you are who you are. You are not the person you want to be or the person you create for others to see. If you are not fully honest about who you are the person falling in love with you is not falling in love with you at all, they are falling in love with a fallacy that you have created. Eventually they are going to find out who you really are and then what? Maybe had you given them a chance to accept you as you are they would have but now you are a liar. If a person feels they have to pretend to be someone they are not to get a date then they need to look deeper inside themselves. There is a door for every key. And what’s the alternative? Pretend? People have a right to know what they are getting into. If a person is going to leave you for being a former or current addict they are going to leave you whether you disclose on date 3 or you disclose on date 23 so why prolong it? And truly it’s not about me or if someone disagrees with me it’s about the people that they are dating and how they are going to feel. You don’t know how that is but most people don’t like to have important things kept from them and past addiction and/or ED are things most people want to be told. Sure there’s a small percentage of people that may not but why take that chance? If you respect someone you are honest with them and honesty means revealing any past or current behavior that could effect them or your relationship. I really don’t see a way around that. If you do I respect that but I just hope your future partner sees it that way as well.
Something I read through on this thread and a lot of others on dating on NoFap boards is the message that who you are as an individual is not enough for someone else so you should present yourself as the ideal partner for the person you are dating rather than finding the ideal person for you. If someone is the type of person who makes fun of ED then why in God’s name would you want to pretend you don’t have it and never have so that that person will date you? Why would you even want to be with a person like that? And if they are like that don’t you want to know now? Part of the reason dating sucks today is the high level of dishonesty that people display. I know self esteem is low among most addicts and so they may feel the need to pretend to be someone who they are not. But all that does in the long run is causes you more pain when they do leave. Just be who you are and be honest about it. If others done like it so be it. Find someone who does.
