Seek help w/ cam sites reboot: Age mid 50's, Single M, New York City

I am brand new to using this site. I posted at the link at the bottom in the Accountability Partner Forum, seeking a possible local, similar accountability partner.

I may also post similar in the age 40 plus section, since finding other men my age feels critical; I feel my life stage is so different than when younger.

Ideally I prefer to hear from those with the following in common:

--Addicted to chat sites (both due to chatting, and the PMO)
--Single, never married Men, Age 50's
--VERY long droughts or nothing at all (relationships and sex)
--Socially isolated

But for now, I'm trying this forum to help get started on the reboot concept, and just seeking a little initial (urgent) support/commiseration/sympathy. For now my initial goal is just stopping Chatroom...probably all porn, too, but I haven't been using that since chat is 100% more compelling due to the interactions; and other porn may help me stop the chatrooms.)

Do any of the above relate to:

--Spending money I cannot afford, and spending too much time!!!! (Instead of watching a long sought movie, I PMO'd twice and spent hours!!! UGH!)
--Being especially addicted to the live communication exchange on chat because of the opportunity for pseudo intimacy or at least familiarity (unlike traditional porn). It becomes like visiting a sexy friend.
--With all due respect to women my age (and in general), I find on average the visual/physical appeal of age 18 to 25 year old women is intensely powerful; and hard to match at my age (which stinks because if I'm not able to be a sugar daddy, those ages are unrealistic in real life. My arrested development makes it even worse, because having never sown my oats, I'm stuck in a mindset of age 18!)

New Years, I made a much too vague goal to abstain from the Chaturbate site, and definitely not spend any more money. But stuck inside in the cold, and very stressed out, I just went back today and spent money and time again because this girl let me chat privately several visits without tips because she is not busy, and she really (seemed) to enjoy all that I wrote and I may have made her feel appreciated (I'm a romantic writer and not crude). She allowed for private messaging without any payment.

As in times past with other young women, I find the romantic feelings within me get stirred up so intensely that they feel very much like the real thing (even if her reactions may not be genuine, though I think she and others enjoy what I shared), and even though I know it isn't something which I can pursue in real life (they are in other countries, etc.)

Some support is welcome. I'm very upset tonight about messing up IMMEDIATELY after saying no more. At the same time, while I was saying not to do it, I see my honey online and I say "how can I not want to connect with her again?! She's an freakin' angel!" It is like greeting your lover at the airport after a long absence.

I totally understand why I do it...it is just an unhealthy way of meeting very healthy, normal, but very hard to meet needs to be loving and sexual which have not been fulfilled for years. And I feel awful about it not pursuing the real thing. (My post below explains why pursuing dating now feels almost impossible...employment issues.)

Thanks for any initial thoughts.

New York City, 54 Male, Single Hetero, Socially skilled/Educated/Un/Underemployed, Chaturbate addict

 

Thanks friend. Not to make you look, but the site is free and you can watch lots for free. But it you want to chat, and stimulate their shock devices often placed in their private areas, you buy "tokens" and tip them in big or little amounts. It is like virtual stimulation. We're talking live women of every type, masturbating, real squirting, moaning, saying hello. It is VERY addictive. Worse than any porn, because of the live interactions. Great streak by the way. Congrats.