Help huge gay thoughts since yesterday

All I can say is be careful. It might be the "exotic" nature of it and your brain trying absolutely everything to get you to PMO.

 

I too have had a sort of fetish that involves homosexual desires.

In my case it probably is a sissy fetish since I fantasize about being dominated by some dude more masculin than myself. Does this sound familiar?
This is very hard to shake and for me feels very tempting 6+ months in. I'm not going back to porn but I'm really considering the possibility of being gay or bi. I can't help but wonder when someone's considered gay or bi. To be honest I think some men are attractive but this always involves very muscular and masculin dudes. I too had a friend pulling out his dick in front of me when I was a teenager. Since seeing porn and such I feel very attracted to male genitals but can't say if it's innate or a result of heavy porn usage. Where do you draw the line?

Some say you're gay or bi if you're sexually attracted to men, but there's a huge difference between fantasizing about and actually doing something. FWIW if I fantasize about sex 9 times out of 10 it will involve men that are either muscular or have big genitals. If that makes someone gay then I probably am.

Spring is always a hard time since it involves some type of sexual awakening that can lead to thoughts like these.

 

First of all, you are not alone. I started with straight porn and ended up watching trans and gay porn. I stopped using porn around 6 moths ago and just masturbated to thoughts and pictures of girls and had no desire to touch that stuff again. As soon as I started NoFap (2 months ago) I had the strongest homosexual urges I had in my entire life. I developed HOCD, checking every 5 minutes am I gay or not, and I was super hard to thoughts about being bottom and used by men, and had very soft erections when thinking about girls. I could basically get hard by just reading word "bottom" on NoFap. I had dry dreams with orgasms where I was sitting in front of computer and watching homosexuals on youtube. It lasted for about a month, I had good and bad days. Now, it's completely gone. I am 2 months in. My erections are still weak, but I have no homosexual urges at all, and feel disgusted by my previous habits. I am confident that I am headed towards right direction and recovery.

Your brain is trying to trick you to "test" and masturbate. Your brain is reviving your past experiences and trying desperately to get that dopamine hit. Block it, don't watch porn, don't think about anything. It will pass, believe me. I've been through that.

It has nothing to do with spring. You are not yet healed, you will heal if you do NoFap long enough. Some people say 90 days, but I think that as a 100% rule, you should avoid any porn, masturbation and sexual activity with partner for at least a year. You are 100% not gay. Difference between real gay and porn gay is that real gay likes his homosexuality, is not afraid of it, is 100% sure he is gay, likes other men romantically. If you are disgusted by the idea of lying in bed and cuddling with men, kissing men, living with men and dating men, you are 100% not homosexual. Porn gay is just porn fantasy, because you see so many naked jacked dudes in straight vanilla porn, masturbate to that, your brain starts associating naked jacked dudes with pleasure.

 

Yes, I feel the same. I knew I was 100% straight, was straight my entire life, until I discovered sissy hypnosis, trans and gay porn at the age of 18-19. I started masturbating at 2,5 yo and always masturbated to fantasy of girls or pictures of girls. Porn warped my sexuality, you can read my story. I ended up not being interested in any thoughts except being penetrated, used etc. I never had feeling towards guys and in real life when I think about them as a sexual object I find them disgusting. All of these thoughts (and I know some people acted on this addiction in real life) are just confusion of addicted brain trying to get more dopamine. Fight the urges, fight your addicted brain. Tell yourself, I am never going that route, I will better feel asexual my entire life, than go back to my addiction. My urges passed, and now I dream about women, look at them as sexual objects, feel disgusted by my previous masturbation habits. My erections are still weak, but I am sure I will be healed soon.

I see a lot of articles popping up recently, that scientists found out that porn cannot be addiction. Those studies are complete BS, because they do not involve people being addicted in the first place, secondly, our brains react differently in social situations, and being relaxed at home.

 

LOL what you are experiencing is incredibly common.

This is called classical ambivalence. Remember the saying "idle hands is the devils workshop"? Your time spent preoccupied with those thoughts have to be filled with something else. Hopefully interacting with real people. You need to socialize more because your conception of sexuality and relationships is predicated on some sensualistic fantasy.

Right now if I were in your shoes I wouldn't even entertain ideas like "am I gay/bi? do I like dick? but I like women! etc etc"

There's nothing wrong with being gay/bi, but the problem here is you let pornography confuse your own reality with regard to your true identity.

Until you begin to socialize yourself with different people and situation more, and put yourself in situations where your true self has to come to bear, you are going to be confused.

Stop the confusion by bringing your true self out by any means necessary. That starts by stopping PMO, and getting off your ass.

 

It's ok, sounds like a mental thing deep into a streak which is normal. I'm not gay but I'm very horny and having thoughts like the ones you describe does not seem unusual to me personally if it's only very rarely. However it is completely fine to be gay or bisexual and not something you should try to fight if those are your natural sexual tendencies.

 

That would be a long time to not attempt to "rewire " with a woman. Too long, IMO.

 

Rewiring is BS, your natural pathways will return if you avoid sexual encounters. Most people who are trying to rewire are forcing their erections either with drugs or with manual stimulation by woman. Healthy man should be able to obtain full erection by just seeing pretty woman. This will return as long as you abstain from any sexual activity long enough.

 

Well, here is the answer why you have gay thoughts. Cuckold porn is the best when it comes to sexual orientation confusion.
I went even further than you and it F me up completely.

Just avoid PMO, any sexual activity for a long period of time. Find a hobby, communicate with people, fill your life with interesting stuff. Let your brain forget porn you’ve seen.

 

Maybe you'd like to go over to YBOP and tell Gary Wilson that rewiring is BS?

 

@FrenchWinner - I've read here a lot that rebooting isn't a linear process - there can be many ups and downs. People who stick with it get better over the long term.

You may have started PMO very young - that can require a longer reboot.

 

There is no real science behind NoFap, everybody has their own opinion. Right now, even my morning wood is not back, it's like 50-60% strength. And I am 2 months in. When I think about women in the bed, I get like the same 50-60% erection. If I tried having sex right now, I will need to force my erection thru manual stimulation. Back in the days, i could achieve 100% erection without touching myself, just thinking about girl, or sometimes I will get random boner without thinking about anything. I am not trying any sex until I return those erections back. Animals in the nature just get erection and penetrate, they do not need manual stimulation or any "wiring" to have sex. Secondly, there are people in the army, who go without sex for years. Nobody tells them, that in order to have sex, they need to first "wire" to a girl. The connection is there naturally, we just need to starve our brain from dopamine, we just need to stop watching stimulation material long enough, so our brain can forget about those things.

Oh, man, I never said that. On the contrary I said that abstaining from porn and masturbation will increase those thoughts first few months. They will decrease with time, but you need to be patient. It can take up to a year for you to fully heal. I am 2 months in, and I don't have those gay urges anymore, but I am still not able to get erection by just seeing a girl, I am almost dead there. Your natural pathways will activate, just please be patient, don't test yourself, don't think about it too much, and don't relapse.

 

I think some on this thread are misunderstanding what rewiring means. Your brain will rewire itself, we can altar it's original wiring by different things would put in our brain, for example over amounts of porn. Drugs do this, high calorie food does this, and other super natural stimulus stuff. When you "rewire" it just means stay off of porn and your brain will do it itself, just takes a different time for everyone. Yes there can be ups and downs just as there is for any addict. There is actually science behind nofap, there are places that have done actual studies over it. Gary Wilson has done a lot with it. This whole site and people recovering and coming to the same conclusion that giving it up and going back to normal eventually is kind of like a science experiment. So, it isn't just other people's opinion, there is proof not just speculation.

 

Those are not people who have wired themselves to porn.

But I'm just going by what I've read, everybody has their own path.

 

No, by wiring they mean trying to have sex before they are fully healed. They do 90 days nofap, maybe returning their morning woods back, but their brain is still confused, they still don’t have raging erections by thinking about girls. They force their erection thru manual stimulation, oral, and ED drugs, they improve their sex lives dramatically over what they had previously, but never really return to their full natural state. And then ask questions, why after their reboot and successfull sex, they still have troubles in bed. You had balls to watch porn and jerk off for 20 years, but cannot be patient and wait for another 6 months to fully heal, come on.

Nobody is really wired to pornography, there is no such thing. Our brains have connection between dopamine, visuals, and sex. You see beautiful girl -> dopamine released -> erection. You see more beautiful girl -> more dopamine released -> erection. That’s why men like beautiful girls, that’s why men are often cheaters. Nature did that, so that we can reproduce more with higher quality mates. Now pornography is basically a cheat code, that allows you to go beyond finding more beautiful girl. You get tired of previous visuals and you need more shocking material to get aroused. Key, to blocking this arousal and returning to natural state, is starving yourself from any sexual material long enough. We are not wired to porn, we just have an addiction, like a heroine addict doesn’t get pleasure from anything other than heroine.

 

Research show sensitization to cues - the things that surround or precede the act. So, the addict is triggered by computer screen, sitting in chair, being alone, etc. Instead of being with girl, hearing girl talk, smelling girl/perfume, girl is naked, girl is asking you to whatever. I think that could be called wiring.

But in the end, we are probably using different words for the same thing.