I stopped watching porn 90 days ago because it was destroying my marriage and I love my wife to much to see her suffer or feel unattractive because I didn’t show any sexual interest in her. I stopped initiating anything with her because I was so addicted that I couldn’t perform. After two months, I couldn’t get my hands off of her, as soon as her skin touched mine I was ready, which hadn’t happened in years. But, one night it happened to me again and I couldn’t perform and now I’m freaking out and haven’t initiated anything since then... I want to but nothing happens, nothing excites me, I have no reaction... I’m so desperate to have something happen that it’s been difficult to not relapse, although I have been able to resist. Is there anything I can do besides just waiting and waiting, hoping it will go away?
First of all, Communicating completely with your wife is the best thing to do if you ask me, as.. if she's on your team that would definitely help you, if you don't talk it's natural for her to think that she isn't attractive or sexy(happened with me) so talk with her, open up completely as that will strengthen your bond too and she won't be hurt anymore. As for your erection, understand this, it's not a performance, you love that woman and you want to express that. It doesn't have to be sexual all the time...you can cuddle, kiss her, engage in a lot of foreplay. Don't tense up so much and try to relax and enjoy and abstain from porn as it would worsen the situation! Stay strong brother you can do it!
Thank you. I found out and read about flatlining yesterday. Now I understand a little better. I guess I thought I was out of the woods and messed it up a little, I should have waited.
I do communicate and my wife couldn’t be more understanding, she’s great, she’s my best friend. I feel bad, nonetheless, because I know she knows how we used to be together and I know this must cause her to doubt herself. I try to do what you said and focus on other ways to be together, and I always tell her how attractive she is and how she turns me on every time she goes by me... but my physical reactions when we are tot don’t reflect what I am saying (ok, it only happened once but I feel like it is going to happen again because I feel kinda numb) and everything else feels like I am trying to clean up the mess I created, and I just what the mess to not happen in the first place and just be with her like we did the first 10 years of our marriage. I guess that’s a bit convoluted, sorry.
I know what your going through brother, the same happened with me, she's my everything and i never imagined something so natural like watching porn would ever cause so much trouble...so ik it sucks when your words don't match up with your erections, I've been there...but it's because your brain is desensitized from watching too much P...your dopamine levels are soo high that even if your wife was the most hottest girl on this planet you wouldn't be erect, it's not something that's wrong with her, it's your brain that's fucked up and this really isn't about how much you love her as you wouldn't be here trying to better yourself for her if you didn't love her...so what i meant by communication was telling her everyday if needed that she is perfect and all that you ever need, cz if you were in her place i think your insecurities would creep up too right? So relax now, your doing the right thing and as for feeling numb your probably flatlining! You will be back having a lovely sexual health soon just don't give up on NoFap! Stay strong, you can do it!