15 Days. Hobbit mode unlocked! I haven't even eaten anything yet today. I'll have to work up to the whole multiple breakfasts thing.
Alright I have evolved into a Hobbit once again. I feel much stronger this go around. Aiming for that gandalfian power!!
I just keep on messing up and failing every time. This time, it was because I was REALLY REALLY stressed and once I was about done curing myself, I felt so many urges and failed once again (because I wanted something to make me feel good). Before I relapsed, I tried calling a friend of mine twice, but he didn't answer either one of them. I feel bad, like nothing is changing. I went from something like 8 days to 16 to 17 to now 10. This is getting crazier. I'm starting to relapse more. I was telling myself to go outside or just do something in general, but the stress was killing me. I can't talk about it (even in the accountability thread) because it's too personal. I really have no idea what my next streak will be. Something is always coming up, like the debate we had about me not being able to fall asleep, etc. This is getting really annoying. I was serious, but the constant stress took it away. How many things do I need to learn before getting a better streak again?! I don't want to be on day 0 when I return to school! This stress thing came by surprise. I did not expect stress to be the reason why I relapsed this time. Well... Day 0 again, as usual. I'm not determined or anything. I just know that something is going to come up in this "non-pmo process" that's going to make the urges go CRAZY. Like too much stress, for example. Can anyone give me some ideas on how to deal with too much stress (and relating that to pmo)? And I know that there are YouTube videos for this, but I want y'alls opinions.
It's not about the numbers of the streak that matters. It's about quality. Hence when I talk about quality, there will ALWAYS be failures. There is no quality without fails and attempts. The thing that stops us to endure the physical and mental pain is the importance of ACCEPTANCE. That nothing is perfect in this world. So the only times you fail is when you stop trying and give in to what is worst for you. The world, the facts of the world, the reality is not the stress in itself. It's your perception of it that causes stress. So, look at yourself and think; "Am I better than who I was yesterday? That I used to jerk off two times a day. And now I can control myself for at least a day without jerking off." And that is an achievement. When you cannot see and appreciate little things you achieve. There is no bigger things to appreciate because you will always look for more and more. Be thankful for your dedication and efforts during these days. When you deem that a day does not matter, remember that your porn habit starts with a single day of being exposed to pornographic contents. And that single day adds up to more days. Have you counted how many days you been jerking off and how many days you have quit? If the odds go for the jerk-off part. Then you are, right now, starting a new course of habit. You are a history in the making so make TODAY matters. It's about how well you commit and dedicate yourself in this self improvement. To become a better you than who you were. Not to become better than other people. Because everybody treads each and different roads.
Day 2 These last days I'm not feeling almost any emotion, it's like I'm dead. But I know it's this damn addiction, and I look forward to the day when I start enjoying life again.
"Have you counted how many days you been jerking off and how many days you have quit? If the odds go for the jerk-off part. Then you are, right now, starting a new course of habit. You are a history in the making so make TODAY matters." I actually never have. For most people (including myself), our odds go towards the "surviving" part, not the "masturbating and ejaculating" part / "jerk-off" part. I could start doing that though. I know one guy who does something like that (I think). I guess I could start doing it. It would be interesting to see the new ratio of relapse days to survived days. Thanks for the idea! I greatly appreciate it! I might just do it!
thats a bit harsh my friend, i just did 4 weeks. but i am on my feet again, have learnt my lesson, and will make this 4 weeks and another 4 weeks!