Committing to nofap

I've been fighting porn addiction for two decades with highs and lows throughout. My half-assed attempts have led to the brink of divorce many times and this time she might actually pull the trigger. Whether i manage to save my marriage or not i can't go on longer this. I've been stupid thinking i could be beat this on my own and thinking that just masturbating without porn was harmless.
I've tried the reboot before many times and what I've learned is every time i make it to 2 or 3 weeks i crash. Reading the beginner's guide helped, i saw that after 14 to 21 days (2 or 3 weeks) dopamine sensitivity starts to come back and emotion cease to be numb. Thats why i always falter! I've always used masturbation to numb my feelings and hide from my pain.
Anyway, this day 3 of my reboot. I've already used the breath holding trick to stave off urges and I'm getting back onto mediation. In addition to some hard core ass kissing to my wife i just might be able to come put the other side of this victorious. I'm scared.
Every time, every every every time, i do really well life gets good snd i feel like I've left porn behind me and then maybe a couple weeks later or couple months or in this most recent case over a year later...
It's gotten so bad i really don't know of i can tell my wife I'm getting betterbecause I've lost so much faith in myself.
But i am a stubborn s.o.b. so here i am. I'm going hard mode full 90 days. I'm also on the lookout for any of those fancy breathing exercises that help you release poison and trauma from your past.
I know you have to really believe on yourself and FEEL it when you envision yourself a man of success, porn free.
Sorry i don't know if i included all the parts I'm supposed to in the "newbie" section first post, i just kinda vented.
Anyway wish me luck! And i will be here rooting for you

 

Thank you, gentlemen.

 

Thanks!