Friendzone fetish

I've definitely dabbled with this in my time. I rarely face rejection/friendzoning these days but when I was at high school etc. it was a lot more common, it's not coincidence that this was also when I started exploring porn for the first time Like most humiliation-based fetishes, it seeks to associate humiliating or unpleasant past experiences with sexual pleasure, probably as your brain's coping mechanism. Obviously that whole process is enabled by consumption of porn featuring this fetish. Like any fetish, I've found it really dissipates and fades as you build longer streaks. I went on an over-two-month streak at the end of 2020 and about a month and a half in, I was genuinely feeling much less arousal at these sort of thoughts, so there is a way out of all this!

 

You're not alone. I have gone down the same road, including using "friend zone" as a search term when looking for porn to get off to.

I've had loads of hot female friends, a few of which told me years later that if I had asked them out (years earlier) they would have said yes.

Even if I'm not interested in a girl or making a move of any kind and she sends a signal that she totally wouldn't consider dating me, I get super triggered.

I have struggled with this for years. Not looking at porn, not masturbating and not constantly looking for hot girls to oggle has helped. But I can still get triggered and I have to be mindful of any pretty friends.

 

I know this thread is over a year old but just found it today. It's the reason I joined this forum. I thought I was the only one with a friend zone fetish. Being put in the friend zone is hurtful. My guess is our brain/ego deals with the pain by turning it into something arousing... especially if it happens on a regular basis which it certainly did for me.

While being put in the friend zone was the norm for me there was one girl that turned it into a full blown fetish. Probably because it was such an intense and extreme case.

She was a beautiful girl in her early 20s...10 years younger than me. Someone tried to set us up be she quickly put me in the friend zone. Still we spent a lot of time together. Especially me taking her out to dinners and shopping. She was so pretty and had such charm that I fell head over heels in love with her...more than anyone in my life including normal relationships. She loved being spoiled but also did develop strong emotional feelings for me but wasn't physically attracted .

She hinted that she was promiscuous but I didn't really believe it. In my mind a promiscuous woman would be hardened and this girl was feminine...not rough. She started giving me more details, like how many men she had sex with in the past year. It seemed a crazy high number to me (I forgot the exact number). She went go out clubbing for whatever reason one week and said it was hard for her to stay home because she needed some D. I still thought maybe she was trying to be funny.

Then one night I found out it wasn't just talk. I took her out to dinner. We went to some type of lounge with live music. A guy picked up on her. He asked if I was her boyfriend and she laughed "Him? No he's my best friend". She danced with him (on our date!). They started kissing and later he took her home.

Late that night, around 5 in the morning, she called and asked me if I could pick her up. I picked her up at that dude's house. Soon after she got in my car she said in a tired moan "Oh my God, he was so good". I didn't say anything but that made me feel so hurt and jealous (even if I didn't think of myself as a jealous guy). Very strong negative emotions. I told myself that's it I'm not going to talk to her after this.

Then to my surprise as I was going to sleep I thought back to her saying "He was so good" and instead of being hurt or jealous I actually felt arousal. I found it exciting that she had this big sexual appetite and that she went out there to get it fulfilled. The fact that she was so sexually active yet had no sexual feelings towards me was both hurtful yet exciting as hell to me for some reason. It gave me a rush of dopamine. It was such an intense feeling. If she was asexual and put me in the friend zone that would have been boring to me, but this seemed amazing to me. She was like an unobtainable goddess to me.

I called her the next day. I was a little worried she was so into this guy she would lose interest in our friendship. Instead she seemed very happy to hear from me. I felt relief. She never did see that guy again. She would continue to have casual sex with different guys. On occasion I would express some jealousy or express my feelings towards her. She would always give me the speech that she doesn't see me that way, we will never be more than friends. There was such a power imbalance when we were together. She knew I was totally in love with her and I knew I would never get her. Yet I got a rush off that imbalance and I think she did too. After that, friend zones became a fetish for me. Real relationships seemed boring in comparison which I realize is an unhealthy way to think.

 

this is an interesting fetish.

Back when i was sexting and flirting, I'd get rejected or blocked by women. But the blocking and rejection sometimes increased my sexuality instead of decreased it.

I never thought too much about why this happens. It could be because sometimes online women rejected me but then encouraged me to continue my behavior with other women. Other rejections were just no response. I rarely got a response that discouraged my sexuality.

I think some societies and social groups also promote images of flirting (or stereotypes?) where women reject flirting men but still feel good about being flirted at. Sure, some women might like flirting from men, but some women might not. And women, who don't like flirting, don't seem to be represented or promoted as much as women who do.

Because of those possible images (or "stereotypes,") I probably did not feel discouraged from flirting after rejection. In fact, I sometimes felt encouraged or empowered.

But I've somewhat readjusted my sexuality to drop when rejected. I've educated myself about some real reasons of rejection like a woman having an sexually transmitted infection, being a sexual abuser, being very different than the image portrayed in my flirting, being married, being a lesbian, and etc.

Of course, online rejection is nothing like offline friendzoning. And honestly, I don't think friendzoning is a bad thing because right now I value my friends more than any potential mate.

Nowadays, I don't try to think of friends sexually because some people really need a friend more than need a mate. Sometimes people need to talk about things that a friend could understand or respect more than an intimate mate .

But to be honest, I don't like making friends with women much because of female sexual predators. If I were to be friends with a woman, it would require a lot of trust. Men can get easily sexually abused or harassed by women.

 

Now this is an entirely new one I never heard of and deeply interesting.

 

F

For the sake of your name.

 

I think understand some reality has helped me. For instance, a woman can reject a man because she has a sexually transmitted infection or is not sexually interested in women and not men. Or she could be rejecting because the man isn't as wealthy or mature as another man.

Another helpful thought is that a woman might have absolutely no sexual feelings towards you as a friend. Having sexual thoughts of her could be equivalent to a desire of rape or sexual assault. Rape and sexual assault should not be exciting for a man. If the thought of rape and sexual assault are exciting to you, then you need to sort that out first. There are many reasons why rape and sexual assault are not desirable and not healthy for any healthy man's sexuality.