Sex Magic with your Partner

Tantric lovemaking and knowledge can greatly fulfill and expand sexual consciousness, deepen bonding, nurture and empower every couple. There is reason why sexuality is the mostly distorted field of humanity nowadays ... cutting off humans from their true empowerment.
Porn addiction is only one of examples.

 

This is so hard for me. It's something I want to change, but man, it's so difficult. Especially because, since I'm so addicted to Ming, when I turn of my pornographic day dreams, all I can focus on is every little thing he's doing differently than how I want him to be doing it. I so much prefer the control of doing it myself, and I feel like I have to distract myself with pornographic thoughts in order to stop mentally criticizing what he's doing and wishing he was doing it differently.

I feel like I have a complicated balance between feeling like I need to just stop thinking of sex as being for the purpose of giving me the most pleasure possible, while also feeling like it would help my recovery more if I enjoyed sex with him more than I do, because then PMOing would be less tempting.

 

Do you communicate to your partner your sexual needs ? Seems like not. Without communicating needs there is no health in relationship

 

I try, but it's not very easy to do when you're a woman. Our biology isn't as simple as men's. Communicating what feels good is not always easy to explain.

Besides, I don't want to spend the entire sexual encounter just bossing him around every second. That's not enjoyable at all, and it's extremely distracting. It's not as simple as "just communicate."

 

Have you not been together long? I think telling someone what feels good and what doesn’t is absolutely necessary and not bossy at all. Lol, I’ve literally said “ eww don’t do that I don’t like it”. Lol. How else is he supposed to figure it out? Once you do figure it out (through lots of experimental sex play), then you don’t have to talk about it because you both know. You don’t have to explain anything except when something feels good and when something doesn’t. At least that’s what worked for us.

 

We've been married 9 years.

I didn't say it was bossy. I said that I don't want to spend the entire sexual experience directing him every 3 seconds, because that's not enjoyable. I do tell him those things when I can explain them properly, but sometimes he still doesn't understand, or the next time we are together he doesn't seem to get it or forgets to do the thing I told him I liked. Or sometimes physically can't do it for a variety of reasons.

As I said, we've been married 9 years. We have had a lot of experience and talking about what works and what doesn't. That isn't the problem. The problem is addiction to masturbation, which makes you selfish and makes your body need everything to be done exactly how you want it, at every second, or else you get frustrated and can't enjoy any of it.

It's also really frustrating to know exactly what I want but not be able to communicate it well. Nobody wants to spend the entire sexual experience every few seconds saying "go down. No, not that far. Okay, that's good. Now go left a bit. No, further than that. Okay, I guess that's not working, just go back to what you were doing before. Can you do it harder? *seconds pass* I said can you do it harder? Oh, that's as hard as you can do it? Okay..." etc. If I communicated every single time I wanted something done differently, there is literally NO way I would ever be in the zone enough to have an orgasm. None at all. That would never happen. And I'm not just assuming that is the case, I'm saying it from experience.

The problem I'm having is really not as simple as you're making it sound. And I can blame it on him not being good at responding to me or something, but I think that would be extremely unfair of me when I'm still addicted to Ming. Because it is probably mostly my own fault. I can't even assess our sex life clearly until neither of us are PMOing anymore. You can't achieve a perfectly healthy sex life with that crap in the way.

 

Sorry, I didn’t realize you were addicted to pmo- you’re right, your sex life will not get better while you continue pmo. For some reason I thought you were in recovery. Have you talked up your husband about your addiction? They would be a start.

 

Yeah, we are very open with each other. Have been from the beginning.

 

Your ahead of most people!! Lol. Good luck

 

I can 100 % relate to that and that is why i am here. You cannot do that every second, whether you are a man or a woman. This was my husband a few weeks ago. “ go deeper” , “ grind”, “ land harder in the end” every second. That is what got me to feel like he was masturbating with my body. It is better now bur still somewhat an issue … like there is nowhere deeper to go. I felt like he was not enjoying it unless i was doing it exactly the way he wanted it which is hard and painful for me.

 

I'm sorry you are struggling with your husband's PMO problems. Thank you for sharing your experience. It is helpful for me to remember and confirm that I don't want to be on that path.

 

Ok, I get your point.

 

Dude here. I understand your hesitation, but trust me: Your man (probably) would welcome some guidance. Although certainly some men are selfish and infantile in the bedroom, most of us desperately want to please our partners - and if thateans being coached through what to do, how to touch them, what motions to make, etc, then we will gladly endure hours of it. We really, really do not like the feeling of engaging in sex with our partner *without pleasing them*. It causes us to feel like sex is a chore that we are heaving onto them, and created and endless guilt spiral. So your husband would probably *love* for you to go into full on coach mode. Alternatively, few things make us feel more like the king of the world than bringing our partner to climax. It makes you feel like an absolute king. Be affirming and kind in the way you coach him, but coach him! It will take time, and there will be a learning curve, but he will love it!

 

I do guide him. I know all of the things you just said, and I communicate very regularly with my partner. I think either you did not read, or did not understand, my entire post.

Tbh, I'd really rather not receive any more advice on this subject. It gets exhausting having people tell me "it's a learning curve" and "you should communicate" and "itll take time but then it'll be good." I've been married for nine years, and I do communicate. Not everything is as simple as that. I appreciate people trying to advise me, but acting like I just said I don't communicate at all or something is kind of insulting, and a poor summation of everything I just described.

 

Ah, I think I misunderstood.