failure at 22.......

hi guys this is the last hope i am giving it a try to find out solution to my problem....
i will share everything in detail need some hope to continue my life .....

 

well this is my story i will share in parts please share your thoughts okay.... well i am a male i want to see myself myself as a male right now i am 22 i am struggling with this issue since 10 years and it really became worse from last 6 months..... when i was in school until 5th class i was under some influence of a guy like i used to do what he says to me like rob those books, fight with them etc. just because he makes me feel fear he used to say he will rob my books like that so i used to do whatever he says... not only me there was another guy too.... he used to act strangely meaning like g a y ? i am not sure but he is strange.... we are of 2 batches and i used to do whatever he says against the opposite batch.... when we are at 6th class, glad that guy left the school i was happy and both those batches united into one,, then the problem started bro... we 2 (me and another guy ) who acted how that guy (who left school) were with other batch (whom we acted against),, i dont know why they accepted the other guy but not me,,

 

coming back to my story, like as i said i have done some things against them ,, they dont accepted me as they friend,, thats the problem man.... at that time only i was introduced to fapping bro... as far as i remember my mastrubation started by rubbing my hands with my penis,, it suddenly generated cum and it made me sleep,, as first i did only for females. beginning it was all fine man,, like i only used to fap for females . there are no limits for my mastrubation, even now also there are no limits for my mastrubation bro,, like i will do as much as i can in a day and will do everyday,, as i said at first only for females.. when i was in 7th class,, some friends made fun of me man,,did some kind of marriage with a male and laughed,, from then i used to have these fantasies bro,, as far as i remember i started fapping for males where i did have some kind of sex/kiss etc. with someone i know and used to fap for it,, then when no one is at my home, i used to download a seductive song of my language and play it where i used to be naked on bed with a pillow on my body where i used to rub it on my body and fap,, i think it will last max 10 mins then i stopped it by saying this is not who i am ,, i am male... sometimes i used to fap for males where i will ready as a female and have some kind of fun with them(max some kind of close with them),
i used to do this occassionally bro,, not all the time,, i promise bro for most of the time around 80% i used to fap for females only ,, i didnt consider this problem seriously and take it easily
the problem is i was not into porn man,, me along with my friend went to internet cafe and saw nudes of females,, i used to go to cafe to watch actress hot songs and stills as there was no internet for me at that time

 

when i was in 6th class, she entered into my life bro, my first crush and my first love,, it was one side love,, after 10th class i called her to wish her on her birthday and we used to chat,, i do wanna propose her for this i thought she will come to our common friends birthday where i can propose her but sadly this didnt happened... she changed her number and texted me i didnt save her number one day she texted me i saw her dp not sure of it was she so i asked who it was? from then till now i didnt got a reply... when i was in inter i dont think it was love or attraction when i was in love with her i saw this girl who kind of give that vibes,, followed her and yes didnt proposed her..

 

so i want to ask this honestly bro you read until now right? am i gay?
please respond to this question then i will continue the rest of my story....

 

hi @hast, thanks bro for replying i read your post i didnt understand honestly,, it means am i stupid enough to ask about my sexual orientation validation?

 

but i want a family i want a wife kids,,

 

well there is a lot story i need to tell you bro

 

@beating hocd
bro can we please have a private chat i will share everything to you bro

 

i really didnt understand what are you trying to say bro? yes i did because of fear of that guy at that age

 

yes bro i have replied to it