I posted in the past. But with so many relapses....I lost all my confidence and determination. Writing this with a lot courage. Please read it through... I am 20. Male. I am in this PMO habit since I was late 14 or 15. I never liked this habit (Since I started). But I still indulged in this. I am very good in academics. But I spend whole day watching porn and discover new new fetishes. My thrust for knowledge, science is fading day by day. I am not bragging but I think that my brain power is immense.(Please don't think that I am boasting), As even indulging in porn so much, my grades are still good. But my memory is very very bad. I am built good. 6ft tall. I just think what would I've been if I was not in this dirty habit. I indulged in porn so much that i literally remember all popular pornstar names and sites. But I don't remember my what was taught in my college today. I am masturbating for 5-6 times a day lately. Someday I even do 8-9 times. This may sound ridiculous but it's true. And recently i even developed the habit of using free online chat rooms and cams. I feel very disgusted. I have no social connections with girls. ABSOLUTELY NONE. Even they don't approach me. But they hang out with guys who are much creepier and less good looking than me. This tears me apart. I discovered Nofap (this site) two years back. But it helped a little (I think I was not serious). I do go for nofap streaks. But I mostly carry it on till day 8-9. And sometimes till day 18-19. Not more than that. I even know the reason behind this. I WATCH PORN SUBSTITUTES. And then gradually end up watching porn and relapsing. My soul cries "NO NO DON'T DO THIS. DON'T FAP. DON'T GO ANY FURTHER" . But as always my Dopamine wins! And another thing is when I relapse I end up masturbating 4-5 times more, saying myself that "DON'T WORRY AS YOU FAILED THIS TIME "AGAIN". ENJOY TODAY AS MUCH AS YOU CAN. BUT DON'T DO IT FROM TOMORROW". This cycle goes on repeating and I go on losing. What to do? How to stop my mind thinking about those 'scenes' in porn and dragging me to it? How to stop watching anything that recalls my dopamine?? I think to indulge myself to play sports and to exercise but it only lasts till day 3 or 4. I have unnaturally high sex drive as a normal person cannot masturbate for 5-6 times a day and still wake up the next day and again repeat it. I am very very confused and helpless. Please brothers and sisters help me. Help your fellow brother. I see my future DARK...
I was really sad to read your story, it sounds like you're really struggling. Don't give up though. I too used to think I had a really high sex drive, because I also used to masturbate multiple times daily, for hours and hours. It's not actually true, but you are so addicted that it feels like it is, and it's difficult to get out of it. But it's not impossible. I got out of it and, while I'm not completely cured yet, it's been over 120 days without PMOing for me. Have you got an accountability partner, or joined an accountability whatsapp group? That can be a big help - it's much much harder to beat this if you're doing it alone. You could also join the group on this forum called Heirs To The Sun - @SolidStance will be your guide and companion - he's a great guy and he's here to help. I joined the NoFap Academy and worked through the course there. It was honestly the best thing I ever did. It costs a bit of money but it's totally, totally worth it. I highly recommend it.
even i have chatted with online stars. i guess it fades away with time. replace it with other activities. physically tire yourself. there are videos on youtube: how to accept terrible thoughts you are not your thoughts anxiety curve distraction(all videos by mark freeman) porn n masturbation brings dopamine to the brain...so replace it with other acts that bring dopamine like food, music, books, cartoon. i watch dragon ball z videos. that helps. watch self-help videos on addiction. ted talks helped me. there is one about skill power versus will power. watch motivational videos. i watch them everyday. it helps at least for an hour make sure u distract urself with something that u enjoy or like or is healthy. else u'll torture ur brain n it will fight back n the addiction will return. dont think of it as fighting addiction. think of it as improving life style. you cant stop pmo. there'll be nothing to do in the free time. like vacuum can't exist. so replace the pmo with other acts. one such act for me is spending time on this forum.
I read your post. I read lots of posts here and YBOP & others. I post very little even though I consider myself educated and a rather good conversationalist. I am bad at typing . I can't explain in written words how helpful these places and people have been to me since my discovery and personal declaration of my pmo addiction on 12/1/2013. I am 54yrs old, married ,2 teenage children. I am currently knee deep in explaining this stuff to my son17yr. I have a history of masturbating to naked women pictures etc ,my entire life. I believe that I was emotionally abused by my father and never even realized how I was medicating to hide my pains and difficulties. I have only masturbated 5 times since May 3rd of this year. I am batting roughly 500% in terms of months without pmo since 12/1/2013. It has been hard. I do feel the differences when I abstain for long periods. I jerked it always a couple times a day for decades. I hope you fight this brain addiction issue and end it soon. 20 yrs old is a great age to figure it out. But,it is hard to deny the moments pleasures. Last time a failed and porned and jerked was Oct 3rd. Depression hit me hard. I am scared to lapse. Its getting easier but I think my battle will be a long one. Get help if you think you need it. Read lots, watch the videos on porn addiction. Journal somewhere. I journal in notebooks now and it seems to help rereading my entries. Isn't strange how difficult it can be not to jerk off? I always thought that my sex drive was just huge. You will succeed!! Don't jerk off and stop looking at porn. Your brain will eventually find the alternative. Its hard though. Best of luck.
Your brain is tricking you. Living through your thoughts (brain) is an empty life. Sounds like your life needs balance. Try a spiritual practice to shutdown the unproductive thought forms.
Whatsapp accountability partner seems a good idea..I will try that. Anyway thanks for help guys. I RESETED MY COUNTER....AND HOPE THIS IS THE LAST TIME
Not sure mate. You'll have to ask around on here. It looks like there's a Kik group if you download that on your phone.
So you're deep in the shit, Struggler07, huh? There's no other way, you have to dig out, bit by bit. I can very much relate to your worries about your mind and memory. Only to have urges means to be distracted a great deal while searching for and watching porn is a real mind fucker. ok, that's where you are. From here on you will indulge in porn less and less. Your memory and your ability to focus will become stronger again. Wow, think of how much time you achieved for yourself. And that's even a gamechanger: just do it again and again, every streak is good! And clearly the brain is not only is changed by porn. Reboot means changing the brain little by little to the better. Now, the social thing seems to be the most difficult problem here. I think, when you can make improvements in this field it will be helping you crucial. And there are much things you could do: talking more to other people, approach girls or just look for some hobby or a place where you can meet people. You don't need to be the hero there. Just allow yourself to make little steps.
You are way ahead of the game in some ways. So many people don't even know that masturbation or porn or all of it together are their reasons for so much sadness,depression. You figured out or stumbled upon it. I do not know if it cures all your issues. In my case, I believe it to be a huge issue, my drinking is also an issue. These are things I choose to do while knowing they also bring me down. It seems that you and I have at least 1 thing in common. We both know that our pmo is an issue in our lives. It really is true ! Yes, i find it hard but a relapse isn't the end; only a delay/ lesson. If you can just keep in mind during the frequent urges that all you have to do is not look or jerk it. Anything else goes but don't cause other problems. You know what I mean. Regards