The Soundtrack to Abstinence

Day 1 - I'm New Here

So, I am new here. I've been battling the twin demons of porn and masturbation for a long time now, having realised some years ago that they were the only vice in my life over which I didn't have control. I've been fapping for about 15 years and watching porn for about 12. I'm a 28 year old man living and working in Thailand, and overall, I'd say I was a balanced and fairly normal chap.

When it comes to PMO however, I'm a depraved, hollow, worthless husk of a man, sapped of strength, virility, confidence and self-worth. What's most frustrating is that I feel worst when I've tried to stop, but relapse. When you really give it a go at quitting, but have a moment's weakness and slip back, its then that you feel worst. Consequently, it means that I tried to avoid quitting wholesale...I've always failed, so why bother, right?

But having since heard of NoFAP and having watched Gary Wilson's illuminating lecture on the subject of PMO (here), I thought I'd give it a real, solid, committed attempt at stopping.

So, here goes. It seems to me like a lot of Fapstronauts get a lot of support and help from posting and discussing their problems and challenges on this website. If I'm honest, I don't think I've ever found a forum with such love and respect on it. Compare the positivity, encouragement and enthusiasm on the NoFAP website with say, any youtube comments section of 4chan thread! Need I say more?

Music is a very big part of my life; I love it. I suppose you could say I was addicted to it, but its a vice with none of the pernicious side effects of PMO (or drugs, for that matter!) So I thought that I'd make a soundtrack to my 30 day commitment. Whenever I post I'll include a track that I think sums up the emotions - be they positive or negative - that I'm going through. Perhaps they capture my feelings, or perhaps they will include lyrics which have been a help or inspiration to me. Either way, I'll explain my choices and I hope the tracks can be an inspiration to you, or in the very least, entertaining!

Feel free to respond with music that has been a help to you. Feel free also to comment on my selections, give your opinions, suggestions or critiques, and hopefully we can have a whole thread of music that can act as a motivational resources for those on the road to abstinence.

This being my first post, I have chosen I'm New Here, the first track off Gil Scott-Heron and Jamie XX's fantastic 2011 remix album, We're New Here. Enjoy y'all:

"...and I may be crazy, but I'm the closest thing I have to a voice of reason."

Big love to you all, stay strong, stay focused, stay frosty!


willpower_ranger

 

A Soundtrack to Abstinence

Day 2 - On Relapse

A common theme on the NoFAP website is the ever-present danger of relapse: resetting your hard work, moving backwards, restarting...failing. At the heart of it, we're all here because we have accepted that, however big or small, we all have a problem with porn and/or masturbation.

We set ourselves goals to demonstrate our willpower, our resolve, the strength of our conviction and the tenacity to see it through to a designated target, however long that may be. We all know the feeling of failure, the sinking, nauseating, gutless, hopeless melancholia that comes with relapse. The feeling that every time you fall off the wagon, it becomes that little bit harder to get back on, and that little bit easier to fall off once more.

So let us remember that feeling when we have urges. Remember how truly bad it feels to relapse, and think of all the reasons why we're doing NoFAP in the first place. Focus on all the positivity, energy, motivation and good that comes from abstinence and self-control, from besting our demons and subduing our vices for good.

I've had a few urges so far, but its early days yet, the toughest challenges lie ahead, I know that. I also know that with every passing day I am moving towards my goal, onward and upward, ever wary not to slip back to the static, dark, depressing doldrums of wanton self-gratification and the self-worthlessness that that spawns.

Forward, upward, onward! Never back down. Progression not regression! Don't fear retrograde, hate it.

"You're on your own
In a world you've grown
Few more years to go,
Don't let the hurdle fall."

From the album James Blake - Overgrown (2013)


willpower_ranger

 

A Soundtrack to Abstinence

Day 3 - On Movement and Stasis

As I mentioned yesterday, all of us are here for different reasons and have different motivations that compel us to defeat PMO. However, there is, I believe, one factor that unites us all. We all wish to 'move'. I mean this figuratively, though to ‘move’ may often have physical consequences as well as psychological. By ‘move’ I refer to change, to action, to energy, to the fire in the belly, the glint in the eye! The fresh, full-lung, life-giving breath of oxygen that takes us from the stifling, sordid, choking fumes of inaction, procrastination, apathy and self-loathing. As opposed to ‘movement’, these feelings can be characterised as ‘stasis’.

‘Moving’, for me, is the key. It is the essence of a life well-lived. People use phrases like 'going nowhere', 'stuck in a rut', 'lacking direction' etc. These phrases speak figuratively of a lack of motion, of forward movement; in short, they speak of stasis.

This post was meant to be solely about NoFAP and PMO, but the message of what I want to write goes further. In all the myriad aspects of our existence, it is motion, activity and energy that wake us up...this is life! This is action. When we ‘move’, physically as well as metaphorically, we see new things, we meet new people, confront new challenges. We expand our understanding and appreciation of the world around us; we learn, we grow, we move towards the endless goal of self-improvement, taking bold and unapologetic steps towards the person we want ourselves to be.

Moreover, moving forward means you can look behind, reflect with clear eyes on what your life was like previously, see what worked and see what didn't; it gives us clarity; it give us a chance to analyse:

You travel far, what have you found?
There’s no time, there’s no time to analyse, to think things through,
To make sense…

But what starts our forward movement and what is missing when we aren't moving? Again, it is a question of motivation. I suspect for each it is different; for every person there is a different type of fire that fuels their respective engine of life. For some there are tangible targets in front that pull them ever onward. For others there are things behind that push them forward, away from the past, from mistakes, regrets, squandered opportunities or wasted time.

And for others, the motivation to move, to ramble on, to run from the past comes from the deepest parts of our subconscious; a profound and strange and elusive emotion, driven by forces beyond sight, obscure and enigmatic, marching from darkness into darkness, driven ever onward by ghosts and phantoms greater than themselves:

And the day keeps on remindin' me, there's a hellhound on my trail
Hellhound on my trail,
Hellhound on my trail...

The good news is that once you realise how alive you feel when you're moving, changing, growing, pushing through the dense undergrowth of life into the sun-lit clearings of enlightenment, you want more! Once the engine is lit it wants to drive, it has to advance. Whilst feelings of failure, apathy, stasis or depression are all a feedback loop, so too is positivity and progress. Motivation begets motivation and success breeds success. In the words of Thomas Jefferson, a man who was no stranger to the enlightening power of self-belief,

"I find the harder I work, the more luck I have."

Excuse the verbose hyperbole and clumsily-extended metaphors, but there are few things in life I feel more strongly about than ‘movement’, and few things I loathe more - and fear more - than stasis.

Stay strong, fight the good fight!


willpower_ranger

 

Damn damn damn...its getting harder!
Urges every hour now....waking up horny...going to bed horny....having those "why are you even doing this" voices in my head....need to stay strong...need some angry juice...gotta tame the lion

There's no silver bullets...


Any more music for fapstinance? What do people think?

Stay strooooong!!!!!!!!!!

 

cheesy and 80's is spot on! I know what you mean about the lyrics, but it always reminds me of Boogie Nights!! gotta love Marky Mark...

 

but now you mention cheesy, motivational, 80's power ballads , you've got me on a roll...

Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger
Queen - Under Pressure
Journey - Don't Stop Believin'

enjoy with hairspray, fistpumps and tight denim


willpower_ranger

 

inevitable, you say...