HOCD or am I actually bi

What is that?

I do not believe you are gay or bisexual. If you stop all porn, stop testing your reaction to dicks and men in general, stop masturbating and refrain from any sexual activity with a partner for a while, your brain will gradually heal and reboot itself.

 

Yes you can. However, I recommended not doing so (hard mode) because there are some draw backs early in you recovery journey. Even natural sex can give you urges to masturbate with porn again. This seems counterintuitive, but it is widely experienced. In fact any time you cum (even with a wet dream, which is not a reset), you will get some kind of chaser effect (see The Glossary^). Secondly, the brain is trying to recover from being overstimulated with sexual cues. Therefore, sex with your girlfriend would confuse the brain in recalibrating it's own reward system, so this slows down your reboot.

Some decide to go ahead, with these drawbacks in mind. However, many abstain from any sexual activity for the first few months to get themselves off to a good start. This necessitates disclosing to your girlfriend the type and the scale of the problem you have. That also has pros & cons. All this has to be carefully weighed. I wish you well Frank in your first efforts.

 

In my personal experience porn can change your tastes. As you need more of a rush you can get into porn that would have repulsed you. I've had the same thoughts. If you've had therapy then you should know that one thing to tame the obsessive thoughts is to essentially not care about them. If you are obsessing that you are bi then so what if you are? It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean you have to do anything. The less you care about the what if the less strength the negative thought has.

 

Stay away from porn would be my advice. Without it, everything settles back to normal. With it and everything goes awry very fast. I came here convinced I was gay and then bi however for the last few weeks all I've thought about sexually is women and I've not gone this long thinking about just one gender in like forever. I'm also imagining myself dating them, falling in love and all those other things which aren't directly sexually related. You will never find out who and what you are while you're using.

 

You're very welcome. Lay off the porn and things will settle down. Porn tampers with our brains and it morphs our sexual tastes for sure.

 

stop the porn and reduce your ejaculation frequency to 1-2 a month

 

I'd read this back to yourself, if I were you. At no point do you sound remotely like you desire same-sex interaction.

I don't know you, don't know your situation, certainly don't know your thoughts, so i can't tell you what you desire. But I've read what sounds like denial here before, and this doesn't sound like it.

 

I believe it's HOCD keep fighting stay away from porn all porn even straight .. find some to do that you enjoy

 

I've kissed girls and felt nothing. I've had sex and felt nothing. At the end of the day without makeup and surgery women don't look all that much different than men. There certainly are differences, but makeup can make a guy look more feminine than a woman. My point is you can get off to this stuff if you twist your mind enough there really isn't such a huge difference between the flesh of the sexes. You seem to have some notion of unalterable sexuality and that a hand will reach down from heaven and stop you from doing anything gay, and if that hand doesn't reach down then you must be gay.

If you do something enough you will probably become it. So do stuff that is good and that you want. Don't go testing yourself to see if you're a freak or a queer. Pretty much everyone who grew up in this society is damaged in some way and is susceptible to sexual depravity of some kind. Rather than testing yourself be extra wary of it.

 

Yup. I would add to this only that the OP should consider his preferences before P. If he was attracted to same-sex before P, there might be something to the bisexual question. However, just because one has bi tendencies doesn't mean they have to act on them.

 

I think you're getting a lot of good advice here. The only area i might contribute is with the "sex with GF" question. I think a period of abstinence can be very health - say 30 days or so. When you do go back to having sex be careful that it doesn't become a substitute for porn. How will you know? That's the tough part. I tell you for me healthy sex is:

vulnerable (you are vulnerable with your spouse - talk and share things, be open and honest before sex)
no chaser effect (if you start to desire P after, odds are you're "lusting" after her not loving her)
present (no fantasy stuff in your head)
available (sensitive to her needs)

That's it for me. I'm sure there are other signs as well but these are the biggies. A lot of people react negatively to the word "lust" but it doesn't mean "sexuality". It means perverse sexuality. Define that how you will, but if you're imagining your GF as a transgendered person while you're having sex, it's lust (perverse sexuality). If you're present, loving, vulnerable it's good ol' fashioned healthy sex. And it'll be the best sex you've ever had. IMO

 

Continue to have sex with your gf, but practice semen retention. It will be beneficial for both you and her, and she'll thank you millions.

 

Hello mate. Here is a little bit similar situation. I also think that dicks are super hot, but i had sex with men and i like when i am bottomed. Now i am waiting 90 days (i am in hard mode for now) to see what's gonna happen about my brain.

I believe you have HOCD, it' almost always HOCD when you need more and more dirty stuff to bomb your brain with dopamine. Otherside i want dick in my hole when i began with porn.