HopefulWonderer

I saw my first pornographic image at the age of 7 at my friend's older brother's house. Playboys, Pamela Anderson nude...one day he showed me pics of women giving guys blowjobs and i found it very disturbing. I told my folks who were very angry. Friend's brother got into a lot of shit. started keeping secrets from his parents and one day he lied about studying when he was actually going to party. he landed up getting killed in a car accident at 19 (i was still 13 at the time).

my whole life ive been an over achiever, people have had extremely high expectations of me and porn has been an outlet for my shyness, curiosity and loneliness. it wrecked a 5 year relationship as i went from porn to prostitutes. none of my friends no about this. the online chat rooms, swinger parties, gangbang video marathons. i keep seeking more. but all i want is a loving relationship. i am lonely and have so much love to give. i love women and respect them yet porn is the antithesis of this (at least the porn i get off to). i want to remember what its like to see a woman as a human, breathing, feeling and flawed. i have the potential to change the world but only if i can get to grips with this addiction.
i have used alcohol and experimented with drugs but neither have appealed to me like online porn and online sex sites.

i started my journey on Thursday the 27th of June 2019 after many false starts and false promises and today the 29th of June I have joined nofap.

i will regain my identity and start to fulfill my potential instead of filling tissues.