Good morning, My boyfriend has been addicted to porn since he was 10 yrs old. He's been lying to me about it since we got together 3 yrs ago. I feel betrayed, inadequate and hurt by my best friend. Where do I start with this? I think he wants to change but I don't know for sure. I was planning my life with this person and I would like to continue but trust is a definite issue.
Welcome! I'm glad you're here. I'm going to say something that maybe is controversial to some -- and maybe you won't like it, so I am sorry, I do not mean to offend, but... In my opinion, if you discover you are dating someone with a problem with porn and masturbation, I would end the relationship. Stay friends, and give him encouragement, and say, we can talk about a relationship when you have this under control. He has to earn your trust back. And I truly hope he does, for his sake and yours. But I would not enter into marriage with someone who has not turned this around. As far as what "turned around" means, that is something you and he can decide on. I'm not suggesting he has to be perfect, but some really, really significant progress. Maybe 90 days at least, if not six months of no porn or subs at all. Of course, you don't have to take my advice, but there it is.
Thanks for the response and believe me that was my first instinct to cut and run. Fortunately, I love him, have memories and other things invested in this person so I'm choosing to support him. I hope he would support me if I needed help. I do agree he needs to earn my trust back. 100x I agree. He's agreed to cut it out completely and seek help. But the proof is in the pudding as they say. Am I an idiot again for believing him? Maybe. I think I would regret not supporting him in his decision to become healthy. I'm definitely going to hold him accountable though. I don't think he'll join this group so professional help will be the only other option I guess.
